I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
stephlovesseyi
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I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
My MOH, my best friend since HS called me today to tell me that she can no longer be my MOH. She couldnt even give me a real reason. Something about her already being her sisters MOH last year, and our other best friends two years before that, and how she thought the next wedding she was in would be her own, and how she cant take being another moh.
Granted I've been engaged for 2 years, and she has not done anything moh-ish at all. She has not been part of the planning at all. I have not asked her to do anything. I have 2 Maid of Honors and One Matron. THe other Maid of Honor has been super with the planning, the Matron has a baby, so can't be around as much as she would like but has been helpful with other things. I haven't complained about them not being around at all. The only extra thing she would have to do besides the regular bmaids is to make a speech at the wedding. Thats all...
I just dont understand. She called me out of the blue to tell me this. Saying that she has been thinking about it for months and that she will still be a BM.
I was hysterical crying over the phone, she says as her friend I should just understand. I told her as her friend what does she expect me to say. Im supposed to be like oh ok, cool. I would NEVER do something like that to someone. I told her its fine, but as my best friend I still expect her to be by my side and thats all I ever asked. She says she will. FH and my planner are worried that she'll flake out on the entire wedding. FH is PISSED.
Its just so shocking who its comming from. ANY body else, but her? Shes like my sister.
Im just so upset right now. I dont know what to do, what to think... Its making me question our friendship...
Im just so upset. My wedding is in 6 months....
The 08 girls were sooo right when they said you'll learn who your real friends are during this entire process...
its just so sad that it would be my best friend to disappoint me....
I dont even know what to say.
Thanks for listening girls....
Jayla127
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
You have FM
gina409
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
o first off im soo sorry this happened to u..the only advice im going to give u is screw her..im sorry if thats harsh but its true..look if she had a reason and told u then i would understand but to give u no reason?come on now..ur moh is a huge part of the wedding and if she can do that to u then forget her..pick someone who will not only be there for u but give u the repect to tell u if she couldnt..once again im so sorry and hang in there it will all work out the way it was suppossed to
Nitania13
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
OMG, that's HORRIBLE!!! I'm so sorry to hear that sweetie!! There's definitely something else going on here. She's obviously dealing w/some other issues, like maybe jealousy or resentment? WT*? I wish I could give you a hug!! I don't blame your FH for being pissed. Damn right, that was so horrible and selfish of her. I am not one of these ppl who believes that it's all about the bride. I don't believe ppl's lives should stop just becaues we're all getting married, but this is so far the other end of the spectrum. I mean, what ever happened to being there for her friend? And I can't believe she said 'as her friend you should understand'!! You should understand? What the h*ll is that? What about as YOUR friend she should be there and follow through w/her committments? What about as your friend she should've told you sooner so you wouldn't have emotionally invested in her being something she's not? What about as your friend putting her selfish, childish head trips aside and being a good friend on the most important day of your life? Ugh, I'm so mad!! You deserve so much better than that! F*** HER!! You don't need ppl like that on your big day. Obviously you have other friends who are much better suited to be your MOHs anyway, so let her go!
Sorry for my rant, I just got so fired up reading your story!
Reesy
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
I'm sorry you had to go through this at a time that you should be the happiest.....Something like that happened to me in February at our engagement party....one of my bridesmaids didn't come because she thought I invited everyone to bring dates except for her, which is so far from the truth, and if she would have picked up the day before when I called her, she would have been told that a few people weren't coming and she could bring her date. She text me 2 days later to tell me the reason and said if this is the end of the friendship then so be it....at first i was sad that she wasn't there but when I found out the reason I was so hurt and pissed and I let her know. We are still friends and she's still a bm but I have not looked at her the same ever since and I don't know if I'll ever be able to.
Dani777
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
I'm soooo sorry that you are going through it! It must be sooo hard. Weddings really do bring out the true feelings that everyone around you has. I mean, I had one BM that I knew since Junior High and she kept putting off ordering her dress. Then, after ignoring all of my millions of phone calls, emails and texts... she finally sends me an email saying that she's can't be my BM. That she is done with the whole 'wedding thing' since her marriage isn't working out. I was shocked..then angry...then hurt. Now I'm over it. I haven't heard from her ONCE since she told me. Even though I still tried to get in touch with her. Sooo...the past 12 years just gone just like that. Just hang in there. Talk to her. Take it one day at a time. And, don't ever let her bring you down.
MrsDtoBe09
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Is she in a serious relationship that she thought she'd be next? I can understand feeling a little sad that it's not you getting married but I'm sure she'll have her day too. At least you have others to fall back on. Hope this situation gets better for you!
missjones2007
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
I am sorry to hear this Steph!....sounds like she is a hater to me.....if she doesnt want to be in the wedding ...then dont stress about it....leave it alone....FH and planner is right....if she is acting like this now aint no tellin how she will be acting at the wedding....it is good you have two other MOH.....people dont show their true colors until weddings....she probably just hatin cause you got a good man and you are getting married.
MrsInglima
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
I am so sorry to hear about this! It seems to me like maybe she is jealous? Saying that she's been an MOH so many times and she was expecting to get married herself is like saying 'Always a bridesmaid never a bride' and now she can't take it anymore. I really don't think it's fair to you, no matter what the reason. She has said she still wants to be there for you, so I would give her the opportunity to do that, but if she flakes out, it may be time to drop her as a friend. This is the most important day of your life and no matter what's going on with her, her life, and her own relationship, as a friend, she should be supportive of you. I'm sorry.
Ann 52409
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
I'm really sorry and its really sad that you have to go through this but take this as a huge blessing in disguise. You really do find out who your true friends are and the people that are really happy for you. It does not even matter if she doesn't show up the wedding day because she wont be able to ruin it, dont even give her that power. She is only concerned with herself right now and someone like that should not affect you and FH day. Be thankful that you now know the person she is and know that no matter what nothing and no one will ruin your day.
elysemichelle
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
You have FM.
Keep your head up, we are here to help you, even if she isnt.
stephlovesseyi
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
Posted by MrsDtoBe09
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Is she in a serious relationship that she thought she'd be next? I can understand feeling a little sad that it's not you getting married but I'm sure she'll have her day too. At least you have others to fall back on. Hope this situation gets better for you!
She's not even in a relationship. She hasnt dated anyone serious in years..
stephlovesseyi
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
Posted by Ann 52409
I'm really sorry and its really sad that you have to go through this but take this as a huge blessing in disguise. You really do find out who your true friends are and the people that are really happy for you. It does not even matter if she doesn't show up the wedding day because she wont be able to ruin it, dont even give her that power. She is only concerned with herself right now and someone like that should not affect you and FH day. Be thankful that you now know the person she is and know that no matter what nothing and no one will ruin your day.
Your right Ann but its just so sad that its HER! I can't believe that she of all people could do something like this.
Summertimegal424
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
im really sorry you are going through this...
it is sooo true what they say, you find out who your true friends are.
It really stinks, to think of it that way, but it is. Friends that you thought were gonna be there till the end, disappear, and friend you thought would just not care, infact care the most!
im sorry you are going though this , im here if you need to vent some more
xox
stephlovesseyi
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
Posted by MrsInglima
I am so sorry to hear about this! It seems to me like maybe she is jealous? Saying that she's been an MOH so many times and she was expecting to get married herself is like saying 'Always a bridesmaid never a bride' and now she can't take it anymore. I really don't think it's fair to you, no matter what the reason. She has said she still wants to be there for you, so I would give her the opportunity to do that, but if she flakes out, it may be time to drop her as a friend. This is the most important day of your life and no matter what's going on with her, her life, and her own relationship, as a friend, she should be supportive of you. I'm sorry.
Thank you for the advice sweetie. Im going to let her be there for me, but right now im questioning our whole friendship. Im tired of being friends with people who in the end d*ck you over. Its just too much. I have been such a good friend to this girl and when I look at it over the years she has not been that great a friend to me. I have lived down here in the DC/ MD area for 8 years now since college and you know this girl has never been down here to see me. She was supposed to come down here one year for my schools homecomming, she swore up and down that she was comming, then the night she was supposed to arrive, i sent all my friends out to the club without me so that I could wait for her to call me from the bus station to pick her up I get a call from her saying that she still at home in NY, that she didnt leave that she was SCARED TO TAKE THE BUS BY HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So because of her I had to sit home on homecomming night cause all my friends already went out. Every Janurary no matter what I make the trip home to NY just for her Birthday. I spend the money, even when I didnt have it and come to spend her bday with her. She has NEVER done anything like that for me...
stephlovesseyi
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
Posted by Summertimegal424
im really sorry you are going through this...
it is sooo true what they say, you find out who your true friends are.
It really stinks, to think of it that way, but it is. Friends that you thought were gonna be there till the end, disappear, and friend you thought would just not care, infact care the most!
im sorry you are going though this , im here if you need to vent some more
xox
Thank you sweetie!
Deeglasser
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
there is definitely a deep rooted issue here... far more than what she is telling you. maybe she doesn't think it's that big of a deal b/c you have 2 other MOHs? if you want to save your friendship you need to have another talk with her... maybe in person, not on the phone. invite her for coffee or dinner or something...
meara
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
First - obviously no matter what her deal is, it's not fair to you and you have EVERY right to be hurt/mad/whatever you want. .and while there is nothing that excuses it - for some people who have been alone a lot (you say she isn't even dating anyone seriously for a long time) the thought of others having something true and the thought that you might never find that can be VERY powerful. . and it is easy to say that people should just be happy for people, if you are the person who feels like they have nothing. . it can be hard. . .that said. . it does seem like there are MANY other things where she has not been a friend - the visiting you, being there etc, so that's another issue. . . but STILL - sorry you are going through this all - but know that there are SOOO many other folks out there supportin you!
stephlovesseyi
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
THank you Meara.
Utterhappiness
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Re: I dont even know where to start..very hurt right now
Umm after reading all of the posts and your responses and that homecoming story...I am questioning your friendship also! What the eff... you seem to always be there for her and I feel bad that she does not seem to reciprocate! You deserve more than this.. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this right now it is seriously awful and I am just so sorry.
