I dropped the bomb

Yesterday I got an e-mail from my mother, so in my response I told her that FH and I bought a townhouse and are moving in next Friday. Well, my parents are super-strict Catholics and think that people living together before marriage is a major sin. (FH moved in with me and my roomate last summer but Mom doesn't know!)

So anyway, I'm just waiting for the phone call from her, telling me how wrong this is, blah blah blah. It doesn't matter to her that I'm 32 years old (jeez, I'll be 33 in June). I could've kept this from her since I live in VA and my family is on Long Island and they never visit. But, I would have to make up stories as to why my phone number is disconnected, etc so I figured I'd just tell the truth. Both she and my dad love FH and they know they have no reason to worry, but they will anyway. I'm just dreading what she's going to say.....

Anybody else have this problem?

My mother wasn't thrilled, but being engaged when we moved in together took some of the pain away for her.

Good luck

My parents had no problem with us moving in together, and when we moved out of our apartment they told us we could both move into there house, until our house is built.

Guess I am lucky!

Good luck!!!!! Just be honest!!!

Good Luck

DH didn't tell his parents we moved in together until after we were engaged (a few months later). They never call us (they wait for him to call) but eventually I convinced him it was better to tell them.

His dad didn't care but his mom HATED the idea. She's a very strict catholic, off the boat Italian who pretty much hasn't progressed with the times since she left Italy 40 years ago. I got lectured from her (I saw her first after getting the news), about how wrong it is, and how she wishes we'd respect her views. (and how HER mother told her she'd rather see her daughter dead than not a virgin when she marries. - she never got to see her mother's views progress since she died when my MIL was 18). I simply told her, she needed to respect our views and we needed to do what was right for us.

After her little tirade, it was all over and she dealt with it (what choice did she have? he's her favorite )

we were upfront with my parents about it. They weren't thrilled but supported the decision. They would have preferred we were engaged first, and were thrilled when that happened.

My dad's favorite line 'why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free' (which I hate cause its so sexist), but I explained the milk was free whether we were living togther or not

Good Luck with this. I do think most parents do get ove it eventually but they can make it tough.

My parents had no problem with but DH's did. Fortunately and suprisingly, they never said anything too bad about it to my face but I now his mom cried to DH on how it is wrong and against their wishes when we first told them we were thinking about it. We wound up moving in together after we got engaged (matter of timing with leases) so that did soften the blow but I know they weren't happy with our personal decision. For us we were 29/30 years old, dating 6 years and engaged for over 6 months - I can't see what the big deal is. (They also told us we were setting a bad example for his sister - his sister is 28 - if she doesn't know right from wrong by now I don't think this is our fault!)

DH and I moved in together before we were even engaged. My father had already passed away but if he were alive I don't think he would have allowed it. Not for religious reasons but just because of the fact that I was his baby daughter!!
My mom was ok with it - she knew it was what we wanted and that we were both adults (25 at the time) but she wasn't thrilled with the idea.

My ILs didn't share their opinion, although I'm sure it didn't mesh well with my MIL's catholic beliefs......

I really think at the end of the day you have to do what's right for both of you - as adults it's your decision

Good Luck Don't worry - they'll get over the initial shock eventually.

Thanks for your stories.... .

Maybe the fact that I e-mailed mom instead of telling her over the phone softened the blow and will give her time to think about it. Maybe she'll shock me and say that since FH and I are both adults and we're getting married that it's ok. FH's grandmother, who is super strict, was nothing but ecstatic when she found out - I couldn't believe it - I thought she'd be mad!

So, I guess it's just wait and see....

Yes...my family is greek (and very traditional) and they gave my sister a hard time about going away with her fi before they were married. It didn't matter that she was 32 at the time.

Also, my husband & I bought a house before we got married. He moved in but I didn't until after the wedding. My parents would have freaked.

Any word from your Mom yet?

I am going through something similar now...

good luck!

I just checked my e-mail - nothing yet. She's probably passed out on the floor still

Megan - good luck to you too!!!

My parents weren't thrilled either, Ann. Mom generally didn't say much and, surprisingly, neither did Dad, even though he is known for his loud Italian outbursts. Being engaged did make it easier, I think, but it doesn't stop them from sending Christmas cards addressed only to me (they send Matt's separately) or not staying with us when they visit (which is probably a blessing anyway)...

Let me know when you hear back from her! Email me if you want to chat about it...

When FH (then he was my boyfriend) and I decided to 'live in sin' I was so afraid to tell my parents that I called them on the phone...I told my mom to sit down, then told her I was PG. There was dead silence on the line, and I am sure her face looked like this
Then I told her that I was NOT PG, but FH and I were moving in together. She was still silent, and said 'you know how Dad and I feel about that' But I told here, remember it could be worse...I could be PG She did not see the humor in it then. AND, we never really talked about it- I knew she did not approve, and she knew that I respect her opinion but chose to do what I felt was right for me. She loves FH, and although she would have rather us waited until after we were married, she has been wonderful and understanding, and I am sure you mom will be too. Good Luck!