Re: I dropped the bomb
Annie - anything yet?
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I dropped the bomb
Original post by Anniegrl
Yesterday I got an e-mail from my mother, so in my response I told her that FH and I bought a townhouse and are moving in next Friday. Well, my parents are super-strict Catholics and think that people living together before marriage is a major sin. (FH moved in with me and my roomate last summer but Mom doesn't know!)
So anyway, I'm just waiting for the phone call from her, telling me how wrong this is, blah blah blah. It doesn't matter to her that I'm 32 years old (jeez, I'll be 33 in June). I could've kept this from her since I live in VA and my family is on Long Island and they never visit. But, I would have to make up stories as to why my phone number is disconnected, etc so I figured I'd just tell the truth. Both she and my dad love FH and they know they have no reason to worry, but they will anyway. I'm just dreading what she's going to say.....![]()
Anybody else have this problem?
So anyway, I'm just waiting for the phone call from her, telling me how wrong this is, blah blah blah. It doesn't matter to her that I'm 32 years old (jeez, I'll be 33 in June). I could've kept this from her since I live in VA and my family is on Long Island and they never visit. But, I would have to make up stories as to why my phone number is disconnected, etc so I figured I'd just tell the truth. Both she and my dad love FH and they know they have no reason to worry, but they will anyway. I'm just dreading what she's going to say.....
Anybody else have this problem?
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Re: I dropped the bomb
Parents and family on both sides actually thought it was a great idea!
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Re: I dropped the bomb
Well, I finally heard back from mom, and luckily it was through an e-mail and not a phone call! I was just picturing the whole scenario - she'd call and start lecturing, and I'd be standing there with the phone held away from my ear and my eyes rolled up at the ceiling. But, it didn't happen that way - phew!
In her e-mail she said something like, 'well, you know we don't agree with this, but it's your life, and we just hope that you act appropriately.'
I think she means that she expects us to sleep in separate bedrooms or something - HA!!!!
Either that, or she means if she and my dad come and visit, then FH and I should sleep in separate bedrooms. Who knows.
Well, at least that's over with. That's a big weight off my shoulders![]()
Thanks for the support eveyone!![]()
In her e-mail she said something like, 'well, you know we don't agree with this, but it's your life, and we just hope that you act appropriately.'
I think she means that she expects us to sleep in separate bedrooms or something - HA!!!!
Either that, or she means if she and my dad come and visit, then FH and I should sleep in separate bedrooms. Who knows.
Well, at least that's over with. That's a big weight off my shoulders
Thanks for the support eveyone!
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Re: I dropped the bomb
That sounds like the best possible response you could have received from her. I am glad it's over so to speak. The waiting for a response would have killed me![]()
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Re: I dropped the bomb
goood luck .. i hope it works out and they don't get too angry ![]()
if we had moved in together my parents would have disowned me![]()
edited cuz i just saw that your mom responded! i'm glad it wasn't too bad![]()
if we had moved in together my parents would have disowned me
edited cuz i just saw that your mom responded! i'm glad it wasn't too bad
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Re: I dropped the bomb
Thanks! So far, so good. We'll see what happens though when she comes down here to Virginia look for dresses with me ![]()
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Re: I dropped the bomb
Oh jeez. I knew it wouldn't be over so easily. I just got this e-mail from my mother. By the way, I'm on layoff notice; my last day of work is next Thursday unless I find another project to work on. I told my mother that the reason that I'm moving in with FH is because my roomate Megan is moving in with her fiance' and since I might be losing my job, I may need FH to support me for a while. So she sent me one e-mail saying that she didn't think it was right, but it's my life. Today I got this e-mail:
Hi Ann: Dad and I were talking and we wondered since you're between jobs, you might want to consider coming home and looking for something here. You can live here rent-free and Clay could rent like Megan did. That way you would have an income, have a free place to live and maybe a better job market. D.C. isn't that far away and Clay could spend week-ends here. We'd like to see you start out right. Think about it.
Love, Mom & Dad
I WANT TO SCREAM!!!! Is she nuts??? I'm 32 years old for cryin' out loud!!!![]()
Oh, P.S., I'm NOT moving in with FH because I might be losing my job. We've been planning on moving in together for months, but of course I couldn't tell my parents that!
Hi Ann: Dad and I were talking and we wondered since you're between jobs, you might want to consider coming home and looking for something here. You can live here rent-free and Clay could rent like Megan did. That way you would have an income, have a free place to live and maybe a better job market. D.C. isn't that far away and Clay could spend week-ends here. We'd like to see you start out right. Think about it.
Love, Mom & Dad
I WANT TO SCREAM!!!! Is she nuts??? I'm 32 years old for cryin' out loud!!!
Oh, P.S., I'm NOT moving in with FH because I might be losing my job. We've been planning on moving in together for months, but of course I couldn't tell my parents that!
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Re: I dropped the bomb
Oh Ann, sounds SO much like my parents, I can truly empathize with you. When I first moved down here to DC (7 years ago now...wow!), my Dad sent me weekly clippings of job listings from Newsday!! I kid you not! And this was WHILE I had a good job AND was NOT living with FH (we weren't even DATING yet...I was living with the woman who's now my MOH). When I finally confronted him about it, he just said he wanted to let me know 'what else is out there' (UMMM...and what was wrong with the job I HAD?? I didn't see him complaining when it got him a free ticket to see Tony Bennett!!) and that I am always welcome home, blah blah. I thought that when FH and I moved in together, he'd stop already, and, admittedly, it's no longer once a week, but he still does it!! ARGH! FH just laughs but it drives me INSANE. Does he not realize that, at age 30, I'm not coming back?!!
So I know where you're coming from. And I know how the whole losing your job/moving in with FH makes it 100x easier for them to do this to you. But, hang in there!! I wouldn't give it another thought, just hit 'delete' move in with Clay, and be happy.![]()
I know that's easier said than done, but you know what I mean.
As for job stuff, I don't recall EXACTLY what you do, but let's talk. I know lots of people here in DC, maybe I can be of help somehow...
Hang in there girlfriend!!
So I know where you're coming from. And I know how the whole losing your job/moving in with FH makes it 100x easier for them to do this to you. But, hang in there!! I wouldn't give it another thought, just hit 'delete' move in with Clay, and be happy.
As for job stuff, I don't recall EXACTLY what you do, but let's talk. I know lots of people here in DC, maybe I can be of help somehow...
Hang in there girlfriend!!
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Re: I dropped the bomb
Thanks Alison! I actually have some good leads for jobs, but I'll give you a call.
I'm just FUMING right now. My parents are nutso. I guess all they're thinking about is me sleeping with him.![]()
I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who gets grief!
I'm just FUMING right now. My parents are nutso. I guess all they're thinking about is me sleeping with him.
I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who gets grief!
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Re: I dropped the bomb
Oh yeah, you are definitely not the only one, trust me!! ![]()
I NEED to get off the boards now and get some work done. AGH, why is it so hard to do that?!!
Anyway, keep me posted and have a GREAT weekend!
I NEED to get off the boards now and get some work done. AGH, why is it so hard to do that?!!
Anyway, keep me posted and have a GREAT weekend!
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Re: I dropped the bomb
Ann - I'd say give your parents a chance. It sounds to me like they are more concerned with you starting a marriage while you're financially behind the 8-ball. When I read your Mom's message, I got the sense that she doesn't want you and your FI to make a huge investment in a townhouse, and have to worry about a mortgage payment - especially when you're out of work and still have the wedding coming up.
I'm not saying that moving back in w/your parents is the right answer. I agree that it's YOUR life and at (almost) 33, you need to call your own shots and do what is right for you. But, I just wanted to offer an outsider's perspective on your Mom's note. I don't think she sounds nuts - just protective and trying to help you start your marriage on a more secure financial foot. JMO. Of course, I don't know you or your parents, so I could be WAY off.
Good luck!![]()
I'm not saying that moving back in w/your parents is the right answer. I agree that it's YOUR life and at (almost) 33, you need to call your own shots and do what is right for you. But, I just wanted to offer an outsider's perspective on your Mom's note. I don't think she sounds nuts - just protective and trying to help you start your marriage on a more secure financial foot. JMO. Of course, I don't know you or your parents, so I could be WAY off.
Good luck!
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Re: I dropped the bomb
Thanks Claud. You might be partially right, but my parents are DEAD SET against people living together before they're married (they're old - 65 and 70 years old).
Did you see her last line? 'We'd like to see you start out right'. That means 'We'd like to see you start off your married life free from sin'.
I responded and told her that her plan makes no sense, and then I listed all the reasons why.
I'd be shocked if she wrote back and said that all she and my dad are worried about is my finances. But, you never know! Maybe in their old age they're finally loosening up![]()
Did you see her last line? 'We'd like to see you start out right'. That means 'We'd like to see you start off your married life free from sin'.
I responded and told her that her plan makes no sense, and then I listed all the reasons why.
I'd be shocked if she wrote back and said that all she and my dad are worried about is my finances. But, you never know! Maybe in their old age they're finally loosening up
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Re: I dropped the bomb
We also moved in together before we were married – heck, it was before we were engaged, but I didn’t tell my parents until the engagement happened. I think my parents were expecting it, as we had told them a month or so before that our house hunt had finally come to an end and our bid on a house was accepted. My parents are super strict Catholics as well. I always got the sense that DH parents didn’t care either way. We got reactions that were opposite than what we thought. My parents didn’t say much. They even offered to buy us a new washing machine and dryer for the house. In addition, I had a great apartment, and all they asked me was to see if my brother wanted to take over my apt. because he was looking or one. DH’s parents, on the other hand, chose not to accept it, and when we did get engaged 2 months later, and people asked where I was from, his parents would continue to tell them I lived in such-and-such town, where my apt. was. It worked out well for us financially as we were able to save and pay for our wedding ourselves. In the end, I think they were thankful for that!! Good Luck!!
