I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)

For those of you that don't know FH's situation, he has a 5 year old son (will be 6 in Sept.) that he has joint custody of. Ever since he was two, he stopped going with FH because he didn't want to leave his house and his mommy. The mother of his son basically allowed this to go on, and never made a point to make sure that his son went with him. He goes and sees him to play, but that is all. They have great relationship and his son is always so happy to be with him when they are together. Every time FH tries to take a small step forward (taking him in the car, or to dinner) his mother makes up some reason as to why it is not a good idea. FH wants what is best for his son, so he tries not to make an issue out of things.

Well, we always hoped since we got engaged that his son would be in the wedding. As time has passed and things have changed little to not at all, we felt that he might not end up at the wedding, but our hopes remained high.

Everytime FH would mention our wedding, his son's mother would be like ' I wouldn't get your hopes up . . .etc.' She is well aware of when we are getting married.

Today FH went to see his son and she handed him a list of dates they were going on vacation. Well, our wedding is two days after they leave to go on one of their vacations! I am so hurt for FH. He is angry, but mostly crushed. He is trying to blow it off, but I know how crushed he is that now his son really won't be there, and there is no chance for us to hope for.

She is married, has another child now, so why do this to him? How can someone be so cruel. She knows and recognizes how difficult the situation is for FH, and even apologizes for it sometimes (when she is in a good mood.) I just don't understand why she would do this. All she had to say for herself is 'It's already booked, what do you want me to do.' FH got very angry and I know they argued, but that doesn't change this cruel action of hers.

I love you honey, and I am so sorry. I hope one day things get better . . .

I am so sorry to hear that. Your FH is very lucky to have such a caring person in his life!
I wish I can offer advice, but, I can only offer and say, just keep being there for FH.

Sounds as though he should go to court to guarantee that he can see his own son at least on the weekends. I'm sorry you guys have to go through this. It's obvious his mother booked the trip just to spite him. It's no coincidence.

Bri - I am so sorry for you and Brian!!
Is there anything legally he can do to contest this?

I'm so sorry Oscar... I know how much your little guy means to you. My brother is going through the same thing and I feel for him What's the sadest is that the children are the one's who are damaged the most.

---

Posted by mrswask

Bri - I am so sorry for you and Brian!!
Is there anything legally he can do to contest this?

---

I was going to ask the same thing? I'm sorry to hear this

---

Posted by matron

It's obvious his mother booked the trip just to spite him. It's no coincidence.

---

It's totally spiteful and cruel.

---

Posted by BriBri529

FH would go back to court if it was all about him, but he just doesn't want to force his son into doing anything he doesn't 'want' to do.

---

Yeah, but when you're 5, you get those things from somewhere. Why would he not want to spend time with his dad? Obviously someone is making it easy for him to not want to. I'm so sorry Bri.

Wow, I'm sorry for him.
I can't believe that she is doing this.

I'm so sorry

i agree with matron though, i dont see this as a coincidence AT ALL. the thing is, i'm sure she feels like she's the one in control of the situation, and can manipulate things to her liking, but what she doesnt realize is that she's not just taking this away from you guys, but she's depriving her son of that experience too! Right now, she's acting on her own emotions/ assanine thoughts, and probably not even thinking about how her son might feel about it since he's 'just a little boy', but that little boy is going to grow up one day, and he's going to realize that his mother kept him from being a part of his fathers wedding day, and i can guarantee you that eventually, he will resent her for that!! she's just making her bed right now... eventually she'll have to lay in it.


i'm so sorry that you guys have to deal with this there is NO vacation in the world more important that being at your dad's wedding imo

---

Posted by prncssrachel

---

Posted by BriBri529

FH would go back to court if it was all about him, but he just doesn't want to force his son into doing anything he doesn't 'want' to do.

---

Yeah, but when you're 5, you get those things from somewhere. Why would he not want to spend time with his dad? Obviously someone is making it easy for him to not want to. I'm so sorry Bri.

---

Thanks Rach- It is so unfortunate that a parent can give a 2 year old the power to make decisions about his life so now that he is 5 he wants things to be under his own terms. He LOVES spending time with FH, just in his own territory. It's unfortunate that his mother has empowered him . . .

---

Posted by BriBri529
It's unfortunate that his mother has empowered him . . .

---

EXACTLY. Many hugs to you and Brian.

Bri - I'm curious - what type of relationship do you have with his son - or has he been brainwashed against you?

to Oscar-Brian.

My brother got divorced when his son was 5 and his daughter was 3 ( I think- they were on and off again since day 1, but I think that's when they finally split)

At first, his kids didn't have much interest in spending time with him. But, now that my nephew is 14, he idolizes his father. It took a few years for that to happen though, maybe around age 8.

My neice is a whole different story- let's just say that she's a typical 12 year old girl.

Also, my former SIL remarried very quickly, so the kids had another man in their lives very early on. This, of course, only made my brother feel more upset. Suprisingly, stepdad isn't around anymore.

It's tough, but as long as he keeps showing his son how much he loves him (even if it does seem hopeless) the more his son will appreciate him later on!!!

---

Posted by suven

It's tough, but as long as he keeps showing his son how much he loves him (even if it does seem hopeless) the more his son will appreciate him later on!!!

---

I totally agree. The day WILL come when he comes to realize that his mother kept him from his father and not that his father abandoned him.

---

Posted by suven

to Oscar-Brian.

My brother got divorced when his son was 5 and his daughter was 3 ( I think- they were on and off again since day 1, but I think that's when they finally split)

At first, his kids didn't have much interest in spending time with him. But, now that my nephew is 14, he idolizes his father. It took a few years for that to happen though, maybe around age 8.

My neice is a whole different story- let's just say that she's a typical 12 year old girl.

Also, my former SIL remarried very quickly, so the kids had another man in their lives very early on. This, of course, only made my brother feel more upset. Suprisingly, stepdad isn't around anymore.

It's tough, but as long as he keeps showing his son how much he loves him (even if it does seem hopeless) the more his son will appreciate him later on!!!

---

Thanks Sue . . . I appreciate you sharing this . . . we are hoping that things will turn out this way someday when his son is old enough to realize . . .

omg what a wench!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ooooohhhh, she'll get hers!!!!!!!!!! i'm so sorry b/c that is one of the cruelest things and i'd love to kick her a$$