For those of you that don't know FH's situation, he has a 5 year old son (will be 6 in Sept.) that he has joint custody of. Ever since he was two, he stopped going with FH because he didn't want to leave his house and his mommy. The mother of his son basically allowed this to go on, and never made a point to make sure that his son went with him. He goes and sees him to play, but that is all. They have great relationship and his son is always so happy to be with him when they are together. Every time FH tries to take a small step forward (taking him in the car, or to dinner) his mother makes up some reason as to why it is not a good idea. FH wants what is best for his son, so he tries not to make an issue out of things.
Well, we always hoped since we got engaged that his son would be in the wedding. As time has passed and things have changed little to not at all, we felt that he might not end up at the wedding, but our hopes remained high.
Everytime FH would mention our wedding, his son's mother would be like ' I wouldn't get your hopes up . . .etc.' She is well aware of when we are getting married.
Today FH went to see his son and she handed him a list of dates they were going on vacation. Well, our wedding is two days after they leave to go on one of their vacations! I am so hurt for FH. He is angry, but mostly crushed. He is trying to blow it off, but I know how crushed he is that now his son really won't be there, and there is no chance for us to hope for.
She is married, has another child now, so why do this to him? How can someone be so cruel. She knows and recognizes how difficult the situation is for FH, and even apologizes for it sometimes (when she is in a good mood.) I just don't understand why she would do this. All she had to say for herself is 'It's already booked, what do you want me to do.' FH got very angry and I know they argued, but that doesn't change this cruel action of hers.
I love you honey, and I am so sorry. I hope one day things get better . . .
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by 2003fallwedding
That is so sad...have you tried to take him to dinner recently? I think you should go back to court and say that she is preventing you from taking him on your designated weekends...he is 5 now, maybe he would like to spend more time with you..like at the park. When I was little my parents divorced, I knew when Dad took me out that I was going back to Mom's later that day....maybe she tells him that you want to keep him from his mom? maybe that is why he is scared to leave his territory?
Good Luck!
My lawyer is well aware of what is going on. When the time is right, we are going to use this as leverage against her. She's going against the order form the courts.
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by brideinapril
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by BriBri529
FH would go back to court if it was all about him, but he just doesn't want to force his son into doing anything he doesn't 'want' to do.
Yeah, but when you're 5, you get those things from somewhere. Why would he not want to spend time with his dad? Obviously someone is making it easy for him to not want to. I'm so sorry Bri.
I have to agree - he hasn't been shown any other way, if they had joint custody that means they share time with the child. My son has been going with his father once a week since he is 3 years old, now don't get me wrong - I can not stand his dad, but I would never get in between their relationship. He didn't use to want to go with him in the beginning either, but he didn't have a choice, and after a long while, he just got used to it, now he gets upset when his dad doesn't come. And again, I never speak badly to him about his dad, in fact I find myself constantly making excuses for him. I'm sure one day he will see his father for what he really is, a loser. But your FH sounds like a loving father who wants to see his son, and if thats the case he needs to fight for him. He needs his own visitation with him without the mom around. Its not fair that he would have to go to her house to see him, he should be able to pick him up and go and if he can't then my opinion is the mother has something to do with that fear. He needs to go back to court - and fight for him, don't take this lieing down.
I agree. I have asked her many times to drop him off at my house. She will not do it.
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by dpli
She's doing it because she is a spiteful b**ch who can't move on with her life and gets some sick pleasure out of hurting Brian, or it makes her feel powerful.
My friend has a SIL who kept her kids away from the husband's side of the family for years. Threw out birthday cards and anything that came from his family for the kids. the kids grew up thinking that his side of the family didn't care about them. As they got older, they figured out on their own that the mom was a loon and she was the one responsible. I feel so badly for you guys, but know that he will figure it out one day and know how much you love him.
I hope so. My whole family misses him. Its breaks my father's heart. Connor was his first grandson, and they had that special bond.
no stress bride
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
I'm so sorry for the both of you!! I hope things get better!! Hopefully he will come around and want to come to your house!
Denise
t
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Im sorry that he wont be at your wedding. your hubby should go to court IMO, even if his son doesnt want to go with him sometimes. Later in life he will understand. I feel his ex just wants to hold it over his head in some way. Im just sorry your hubby haas to go through this
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by no stress bride
I'm so sorry for the both of you!! I hope things get better!! Hopefully he will come around and want to come to your house!
Denise
thank you.
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by t
Im sorry that he wont be at your wedding. your hubby should go to court IMO, even if his son doesnt want to go with him sometimes. Later in life he will understand. I feel his ex just wants to hold it over his head in some way. Im just sorry your hubby haas to go through this
I'm hoping he'll come around when he gets older, and realizes it wasn't me that did this.
Kriss2c
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Sounds to me like PAS - Parental Alienation Syndrome. She's trying to alienate the child from his father.
If custody is court ordered, she should not have the option to determine when/how long your FH gets to see his son.
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by Kriss2c
Sounds to me like PAS - Parental Alienation Syndrome. She's trying to alienate the child from his father.
If custody is court ordered, she should not have the option to determine when/how long your FH gets to see his son.
I know. My lawyer is waiting for her to bring me back to court. This will be brought up.
Kriss2c
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Why wait, she is in violation now. It will do you little good if you sit on it.
swags1016
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Brian,
I am so sorry you certainly do not deserve this. Hopefully your lawyer will do something to help you soon, so that you don't have to suffer so much heartache. It truly breaks my heart when 'parents' use their children to manipulate situations!!! Lord knows my parents did it and it *****!
brideinapril
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by OSCARtheGROOM
Posted by Kriss2c
Sounds to me like PAS - Parental Alienation Syndrome. She's trying to alienate the child from his father.
If custody is court ordered, she should not have the option to determine when/how long your FH gets to see his son.
I know. My lawyer is waiting for her to bring me back to court. This will be brought up.
But why can't you bring her back to court? I feel so bad for you, this whole thing isn't right. Its not fair and this has gone on way to long, you are losing precious years that you will never get back. As a mother it absolutely infuriates me that this is going on. She is violating a court order!!!!
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by swags1016
Brian,
I am so sorry you certainly do not deserve this. Hopefully your lawyer will do something to help you soon, so that you don't have to suffer so much heartache. It truly breaks my heart when 'parents' use their children to manipulate situations!!! Lord knows my parents did it and it *****!
Thank you so much Jamie. She is very manipulative, and doesn't care about who she hurts.
palebride
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
I am so sorry!!! How could she use a child like that? I guess, if you want to look at the bright side of things....seeing the way she behaves.....and the way your soon-to-be wife behaves.....you can really appreciate how blessed and lucky you are!
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by palebride
I am so sorry!!! How could she use a child like that? I guess, if you want to look at the bright side of things....seeing the way she behaves.....and the way your soon-to-be wife behaves.....you can really appreciate how blessed and lucky you are!
Yes I am!!
Moehick
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Brian This is horrible...she really is hurting your son too. So sorry for all your going through
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by Moehick
Brian This is horrible...she really is hurting your son too. So sorry for all your going through
Thank you Moe. It has finally taken a toll on me.
JimmysBride
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
I am so sorry you and Bri are going through this.
Have you told her that she is ultimately hurting HIM by preventing him from being at the wedding? That he WILL eventually hold it against her?
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by JimmysBride
I am so sorry you and Bri are going through this.
Have you told her that she is ultimately hurting HIM by preventing him from being at the wedding? That he WILL eventually hold it against her?
She doesn't care. She only cares about herself, and her family.
