For those of you that don't know FH's situation, he has a 5 year old son (will be 6 in Sept.) that he has joint custody of. Ever since he was two, he stopped going with FH because he didn't want to leave his house and his mommy. The mother of his son basically allowed this to go on, and never made a point to make sure that his son went with him. He goes and sees him to play, but that is all. They have great relationship and his son is always so happy to be with him when they are together. Every time FH tries to take a small step forward (taking him in the car, or to dinner) his mother makes up some reason as to why it is not a good idea. FH wants what is best for his son, so he tries not to make an issue out of things.
Well, we always hoped since we got engaged that his son would be in the wedding. As time has passed and things have changed little to not at all, we felt that he might not end up at the wedding, but our hopes remained high.
Everytime FH would mention our wedding, his son's mother would be like ' I wouldn't get your hopes up . . .etc.' She is well aware of when we are getting married.
Today FH went to see his son and she handed him a list of dates they were going on vacation. Well, our wedding is two days after they leave to go on one of their vacations! I am so hurt for FH. He is angry, but mostly crushed. He is trying to blow it off, but I know how crushed he is that now his son really won't be there, and there is no chance for us to hope for.
She is married, has another child now, so why do this to him? How can someone be so cruel. She knows and recognizes how difficult the situation is for FH, and even apologizes for it sometimes (when she is in a good mood.) I just don't understand why she would do this. All she had to say for herself is 'It's already booked, what do you want me to do.' FH got very angry and I know they argued, but that doesn't change this cruel action of hers.
I love you honey, and I am so sorry. I hope one day things get better . . .
sarahthegreat
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
its just unnecessary what she is doing. not letting him be at his father's wedding? nothing will ever change the fact that brian is this boy's father, it seems like the mom is trying to push him out of his son's life. so sad
btrflygrl
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
I don't know what to say...you both must be SO hurt right now. Your husband has a right to take his son out of the house to stay with him.
BriBri529
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by smm2675
its just unnecessary what she is doing. not letting him be at his father's wedding? nothing will ever change the fact that brian is this boy's father, it seems like the mom is trying to push him out of his son's life. so sad
I know, and this will NEVER happen . . .
Thank you all so much for your support and well wishes, I know Brian will be as touched as I am . . . I am in tears as I am reading this, because my heart just breaks for FH and his son . . . I miss this boy greatly- I would be with them every other weekend for the first year and a half of our relationship until things changed. I just feel so powerless and hate to see what they are being put through! I love you all, this is what LIW is all about!
sarahthegreat
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
to you and brian!!!
RedHead
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
i think it is disgusting how people do that...and use their kids to hurt an ex...TERRIBLE
I am sooooo sorry
Happybride2005
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The Original 2nd-time-around
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I'm so, so sorry
This woman obviously does not have her sons best interest at theart, she's only thinking of herself.
I know some of the other girls mentioned this, but isn't there something legally that you guys can do? I also understand your point of not forcing the issue and wanting to keep his son comfortable.
Being a divorced mom myself, this really makes me sick. No matter how much of an idiot I think my ex is, I will ALWAYS do the right thing for my son.
Many, many to you guys
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
I am sorry sorry for you situation, that is downright cruel of the boy's mother. She knew damn well what she was doing when she booked that vacation! I know many of the others have said something, but isn't there something that can be done legally? It sounds as if this woman is trying to push a father out of her son's life, and that is wrong. In a few years when he is able to make his own decisions this will wind up haunting her! There is no 5 year old who makes his own decisions, she is definitely coersing the boy!
Janice
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
very sad, I am sorry
Jax430
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
I feel so badly for both of you. There's no good reason a son shouldn't be at his father's wedding! I hate when parents manipulate their children in order to bother their exs. Lots of to you both.
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Bri your the love of my life, my soulmate. Thank you for caring so much about me, and being there for me when I needed you the most.
Thanks everyone for your support. You guys are really awesome. When I received the news about him going on vacation during our wedding, it broke my heart. I can't figure it out why I'm being tortured like this, and I guess I'll never will. I really don't know what else to say. I'm sick over this. Thanks again for the support.
I love you Bri.
june262004
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
You two are so in love and I can see it through the words you write here.
I think what your EX did is so wrong. She knew what she is doing. Did you ask her why she is doing this to you. And I know your son screams when you try to take him away but have you gotten far. Usually once a child gets to somewhere fun Chucke cheese or even the McDonalds play area they forget about that.
Bebalina
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
I am so sorry to hear this.... thats just horrible!
I send many to both of you!
lolita4life
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
that makes me sooo angry. i cant imagine how he is feeling about this. whast wrong with this woman?!
he should be like 'wasnt he at YOUR wedding? can you imagine not having him there?' etc.. i think he should take some legal action.
its the most importnant day of his life. and besides from you im sure his son is the other most importnant person in his life. how can he NOT be there?!
2003fallwedding
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
That is so sad...have you tried to take him to dinner recently? I think you should go back to court and say that she is preventing you from taking him on your designated weekends...he is 5 now, maybe he would like to spend more time with you..like at the park. When I was little my parents divorced, I knew when Dad took me out that I was going back to Mom's later that day....maybe she tells him that you want to keep him from his mom? maybe that is why he is scared to leave his territory?
Good Luck!
brideinapril
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by BriBri529
FH would go back to court if it was all about him, but he just doesn't want to force his son into doing anything he doesn't 'want' to do.
Yeah, but when you're 5, you get those things from somewhere. Why would he not want to spend time with his dad? Obviously someone is making it easy for him to not want to. I'm so sorry Bri.
I have to agree - he hasn't been shown any other way, if they had joint custody that means they share time with the child. My son has been going with his father once a week since he is 3 years old, now don't get me wrong - I can not stand his dad, but I would never get in between their relationship. He didn't use to want to go with him in the beginning either, but he didn't have a choice, and after a long while, he just got used to it, now he gets upset when his dad doesn't come. And again, I never speak badly to him about his dad, in fact I find myself constantly making excuses for him. I'm sure one day he will see his father for what he really is, a loser. But your FH sounds like a loving father who wants to see his son, and if thats the case he needs to fight for him. He needs his own visitation with him without the mom around. Its not fair that he would have to go to her house to see him, he should be able to pick him up and go and if he can't then my opinion is the mother has something to do with that fear. He needs to go back to court - and fight for him, don't take this lieing down.
eogara
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Ugh, people are unbelievable. Bri and Brian - I'm so sorry for what both of you must be going through.
I do agree that your son will realize, once he's old enough, the effort you are putting into this relationship and how hard this is for you to deal with.
dpli
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
She's doing it because she is a spiteful b**ch who can't move on with her life and gets some sick pleasure out of hurting Brian, or it makes her feel powerful.
My friend has a SIL who kept her kids away from the husband's side of the family for years. Threw out birthday cards and anything that came from his family for the kids. the kids grew up thinking that his side of the family didn't care about them. As they got older, they figured out on their own that the mom was a loon and she was the one responsible. I feel so badly for you guys, but know that he will figure it out one day and know how much you love him.
tourist
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by BriBri529
FH would go back to court if it was all about him, but he just doesn't want to force his son into doing anything he doesn't 'want' to do.
Yeah, but when you're 5, you get those things from somewhere. Why would he not want to spend time with his dad? Obviously someone is making it easy for him to not want to. I'm so sorry Bri.
Exactly. When he was 2, maybe it was phase- 2 year olds are difficult. But his mother encouraging his behavior, has made this a permamant thing. She may also be saying things to him when Brian isn't there. He shoudl jsut take him one day. Not kidnapp him, but ignore the mom, & talk to his son about , next tiem we'll go to the park' or something liek that & then next time, say reember, we are goign to teh park. He may fuss, but when they get there he'll be fine & if not Brian can take him home.
Of course, that wont' help for the wedding.
He really should look into legal action, b/c this doesn't sound like joint custody. She has custody & he has visitation.
to you & Brian!
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I feel so bad for my FH right now . . . (long)
Posted by june262004
You two are so in love and I can see it through the words you write here.
I think what your EX did is so wrong. She knew what she is doing. Did you ask her why she is doing this to you. And I know your son screams when you try to take him away but have you gotten far. Usually once a child gets to somewhere fun Chucke cheese or even the McDonalds play area they forget about that.
My ex is a spiteful person. He will not go in my car.We'll play for hours. He will tell me how much he misses me, and that he wants to come over my house. I tell him when he is ready to come over to my house, tell his mother to call me. It never happens.
