I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I must agree with David's bride. I am a lawyer in my work life, and practice in matrimonial law. EVERY DAY, I see women and men in my practice who say - 'I knew he/she was like this before we got married, but I thought things would get better.' They never do. Suffice to say, the person he is on the day before your wedding is the person he will be after the wedding, unless and until he wants to change. IMO, a person who is aware that the person he loves feels threatened or cowered when he yells at her, and does it anyway, is in need of some serious straightening out. If I were you, I would have a heart to heart with him, not when you're fighting, and really tell him straight out how he hurts you. A clearing of the air might really help you both, and because he loves you, encourage him to mind his temper better. Good luck

---

Posted by CubanBride

Fh hasn't been this way our entire relationship. He started this about October or so. I have been trying different ways to handle it. I was so surprised because he never spoke to me like that until after I moved in with him. He was always a gentleman and curtious.

I totally blame his mom. He speaks to her like an animal and she laughs and thinks it's cute. She never taught him what was aceptable. I don't know where he gets it from either cause his father was not like that.

Ugh, I hate this. But I absolutely cannot and will not live this way for the rest of my life.

---

BINGO- relationships are ALOT different when you live with the person that is why they say the first year of marriage is tuff- he was nice before because you didnt see the TRUE Gary- now that you are under the same roof whallah here he is. Red Flag if you ask me. Good Luck tonight I will say a prayer.

---

Posted by eogara

I'm really sorry to hear this

Maybe you two could enter into couple's counseling. Since he doesn't seem to think it's an issue, it's not like he'll agree to counseling on his own but maybe if the two of you go together, an objective third party can help you guys sort this out.

---

I'm really sorry too-I agree with her advice

---

Posted by nicknmb

I am so sorry you are going through this, but maybe you are finding out something that you need to find out before you get married. Only you can make the decision for yourself of whether you want to marry him or not. As you said, you dont' want to spend your whole life this way, and you shouldn't have to. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I am sure this is happening for a reason, you just haven't found the reason yet.

---

i couldnt of said it better myself! i was just going to give you 'hugs' because i really didnt know what to say.. but this says it all..

sorry u are going through this. i wish you both the best!!

you're right to be angry. no oe is to be spoken to like that.....i wonder does he talk to his mother like that? how about his father? is he like that? if yes, you have a long road ahead of you!

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Someone who behaves like that is not going to change (especially if he has treated his mother like this his whole life).

I know this is not what you want to hear, but I think deep down inside you know the truth...he is not the one for you. No one should ever treat ANYONE that way, let alone the woman he will promise to love and cherish for the rest of his life.

If he is doing this now, things will only get worse after you are married. A lot of physically violent relationships start out with emotional abuse.

Please do not let this happen to you.

You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman and you should not settle....do not let him steal your life from you!

Be strong and get out now.
You can make it!

Irene,

I too, am really sorry you are feeling this way, especially so close to your wedding.

A few questions and some advice. What was FH childhood like? The reason I ask, is because usually when people get loud all the time to get their point across, it means that they are insecure, and dont think people ever listen to them, or they shout, thinking they are getting people to listen, which isnt the case at all. I walk away from people who yell at me.

Here is my advice to you. When he yells at you, walk away. Dont argue with him, and dont stand there and be a forum for his shouting and hissy fits. I would go as far as leaving the house. Dont let him yell at you, dont give him the chance. If he becomes more agitated by this, then you may have a deeper problem than just his yelling. If he is verbally abusing you, then you need to do something about it right away. Abuse is abuse, whether physical, mental, or verbal, and nobody should have to put up with it.

And please, please do not take this the wrong way. If you are having these feelings now, and know that this is something you are not, and have not been able to change, I would seriously consider talking to him about postponing this wedding. I know, it sounds like something you absolutely cannot do right now, but you sound VERY unhappy, and I cant imagine this problem going away in 8 weeks. I wish I could give you a hug, and let you know everything will be fine, but from what you are sharing with us, the odds are not in your favor. If he is not willing to sit and talk this out, and possibly talk to someone about his pent up anger, then you need to think about your future, and if you want to spend the rest of your life being yelled at and talked to like a second class citizen.

Many, many hugs to you. FM me any time if you need to talk. My heart goes out to you.

How has he responded to your not wearing your ring? Does he realize how upset you are at this behavior?

All of the women here have posted wonderful suggestions. When you talk to him tonight, have an exit strategy in mind, just in case the conversation does not go well. If he keeps yelling at you, walk out of the house and keep walking. Get in the car and go somewhere else. We're all here for you!!!!!!!!

I'm glad you are working things out! Stay strong!

Thanks. He just didn't realize that he was hurting my feelings. He thought it was ok, that we were just kidding around and that it was no big deal, but I explained to him that it was not acceptable to speak to me like that. He can speak to his mother any way he chooses because that's none of my business, but when he speaks to me, he needs to speak with respect. He just looked at me and truly didn't realize the effect it was having on me. He was clueless. He said he was deeply sorry and will work on being considerate of my feelings when communicating with me.

I said, thats all I am asking. So, we shall see hos the next couple of weeks go.

I'm so glad that you spoke up for yourself and glad that he was concerned. Just make sure you take care of yourself. Good luck

Good for you , I am sooo happy , communication is the first step, great job!!!!! Hopefully he will really work on it and he may stumble on the way be weary of that. But in the mean time Im proud of you for sticking up for yourself- YOU GO GIRL!!!!

That's great that you talked it out.

Sometimes men need a bit of discipline.

I am so happy that things are looking so positive for you guys.

Best of luck and as others have said Communication is key and stay strong!

---

Posted by CubanBride

Thanks. He just didn't realize that he was hurting my feelings. He thought it was ok, that we were just kidding around and that it was no big deal, but I explained to him that it was not acceptable to speak to me like that. He can speak to his mother any way he chooses because that's none of my business, but when he speaks to me, he needs to speak with respect. He just looked at me and truly didn't realize the effect it was having on me. He was clueless. He said he was deeply sorry and will work on being considerate of my feelings when communicating with me.

I said, thats all I am asking. So, we shall see hos the next couple of weeks go.

---

glad to hear that you guys talked about it and were able to work it out!!!