i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

agentangel Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:16 PM

i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

our parents have never met so we made reservations in december to have lunch the friday before the wedding at bouley (tribeca). reservations are at 1:30.

fmil, on friday, cancels lunch because they have dinner reservations at 6 and theatre tix and they want to make sure that they have enough time to go back to their hotel (midtown east) and change before going to dinner at times square.

i explain to her that even if you walked, you would have enough time. she says no and that the parents will have time to talk during the rehearsal dinner - with 50 people there. my mom is insulted. my fh is so embarassed. and i'm just fed-up.

am i overreacting?

103005FallBride Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:19 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

Wow! I honestly do not think you're overracting at all. It's as though she's giving no effort to make this a family.

mka06 Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:21 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

you have a right to be mad - DEFINITELY!

Naunie Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:22 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

I definitely agree!
IMO, you should tell your FMIL that tthis is important to you.

69 Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:22 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

no I don't think your overreacting... can you call her yourself and explain to her that it would mean alot to her if they came? or set up a day real soon you guys can have lunch??????

aliwnec10 Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:25 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

i don't think you're over-reacting at all. If i was your FH... i'd put my foot down.

Although i don't think anything can top my FSIL's wedding. Her parents (my future in laws) paid for the whole wedding (except the honeymoon- FSIL's husbands parents paid for that). Well, not at all during the whole thing, not even at the wedding, did his parents compliment or thank her parents for the wedding. Now that's rude. How can you not say something. No...'what a great job you guys did,' no 'what a gorgeous wedding' or anything. That is awful!

But i would seriously have your FH discuss this issue with his mother. This is not acceptable and it looks awful. It's not a great way to start out the relationship between your folks and his.

October Bliss Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:29 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

You most certainly are NOT overreacting. This is a job for FH to get on the phone and explain to his parents exactly what they have done by attempting to back out of this lunch and that he will NOT tolerate being embarrassed this way, and that he expects his parents to show up for lunch and behave like adults and not look at their watch every 10 seconds during the course of the meal.

To facilitate, you can call the restaurant and see if you can move lunch back an hour to 12:30.

Mayflower Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:32 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

i'm sorry you have to deal with this. you are definitely NOT overreacting!

unless your fmil is planning on having a 4 hour lunch, she will have more than enough time to go back to the hotel and do whatever she needs to do before her dinner plans.

put your foot down (or have FH do it) and tell her how much it means to both of you that the parents meet for a one-on-one before the wedding.

MissingTheBGene Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:33 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

I don't think you are overreacting at all. Has FH spoken with her? That is just rude. If FH isn't willing to confront her, I would definitely say something, it's not something that i would let go of.

jilmadison Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:33 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

Wow, thats not nice! You are not over - reacting they should want to meet!

agentangel Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:34 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

she first hinted to cancelling a week ago, and we've gone back and forth trying to accomodate her schedule. she even said it would be good to have an intimate conversation before the wedding events start. the words 'this is important' never came out of my mouth - but i honestly didn't think that even needed to be said.

they're from out of town so friday afternoon was our only time. the get here wed but have a packed schedule and this lunch was obviously cramping their vacation plans. and right now i feel, this has been such a long saga and if they don't feel like this is important then i don't really want to waste my parents time (or money).

bride2b24 Posted: Feb 06, 2006 01:58 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

no def not....your fh should stand up to her....

mskittynj Posted: Feb 06, 2006 02:10 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

You are NOT overreacting! you have EVERY right to be upset! Talk to them, tell them you would really appreciate if they could get together b4 the rehearsal dinner. Good luck sweetie!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty

Tiggeruth Posted: Feb 06, 2006 02:17 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

You are not overreacting at all...see if lunch can be moved up or do a brunch? Meet for coffee??? There should be a time that can work. Try and play the super sweet and understanding voice and see if that gets you anywhere...'like my parents have been looking forward to meeting you guys, we understand this is part of your vacation, but if there could be 2 hours where we could all sit down and talk over coffee that would be really great' or sometihng like that.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Feb 06, 2006 02:34 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

You are definitely not overreacting. What they are doing is just plain rude, its like saying 'Sorry but our dinner plans and theater tickest are more important than you.'
I don't think you should even try to accomodate their schedule. They are in town for your WEDDING, not to discover NYC. They can do that another time. If they don't want to lost their theater tickets, they can go out for pizza before the show.
Your FH needs to tell them what they did was extremely rude and inappropriate, and they need to apologize to you and your parents for what they did.

hmpena Posted: Feb 06, 2006 03:00 PM

Re: i just need to VENT - am i overreacting

I don't think you are overreacting at all! You went out of your way to schedule this lunch and even rearrange it to accomodate your FIL's busy plans (even though they are here for your wedding!). You have every right to feel the way you do. If they can't make time to meet your parents, then it is their loss, not your parents! I know this is important to you and I am sorry this is happening!