I lost it...please read...

I lost it...please read...

Im crying my eyes out right now. My wedding is 16 months away and I feel like its just all a big ball of stress and I just end up hurt. No matter what I say, Im told I dont need things, like ring bearers, or im wasting my money on limos. Ive said it before and Ill say it again, Im paying 100% out of my own pocket, with the minimal help FH can give (if he could give more, he would). This is my dream, and I am no way being unreasonable, but when ppl say things that are inappropriate, it really gets to you and it hurts. FMIL just doesn't get it. I just cant stand being told that Im wasting my money, or that this could go towards a down payment on a house. Ive set my budget and have abided by it. Shes not giving us a dime, and its none of her business. Every sunday its the same thing... what about school.. go back! I grad with my BA with honors in history in Dec. I will go for my masters after the wedding, because i need to save for everything, not just the wedding. For some reason this is unacceptable, bc the subject is always broached. Ive talked to FH, and hes repeated himself that this is something that is not to be spoken of anymore.. its getting old. I was understand that they dont have alot of money. I didnt beg for it from them, I just got upset when I was told how I was wasting my money. They just bought a newer audi. Needless to say, it just tipped me right over.

Thanks for letting me vent. I just needed someone to read this.

Re: I lost it...please read...

OK first, take a deep breath and remember everyones dreams are there own, ppl in your life may not understand and they don't have to. All you have to do is what makes you happy, and when your happy FH is happy- and all is well with the 2 of you...YOu have to learn to tune ppl out also, somtimes ppl project their own negative feelings b.c of something they never had, don't fall into that trap... Just be you a soon to be bride and do what you can :) Hope that helps ( i'm not Dr. Phil ya know

Re: I lost it...please read...

im sorry, what about your family? what do they say or is just his family that makes comments?

Re: I lost it...please read...

Sorry to hear about your problem...Just don't speak to them about your plans anymore...Do what you have to do on your own, it is your money and they have no right to tell you how you can or can't spend your money. Buy what you have to buy, book whatever vendors you have to buy and when they ask about things say oh im getting things done, or oh im in the process of it all, but don't talk about how much you're spending or what you're getting, let them find out at the wedding. They really have no right to talk about your financial situation.

Re: I lost it...please read...

Ha! Yea the whole tune out thing... I dont know why I cant get a grasp on it. I feel like im being mean ya know? I dont wanna get the whole bridezilla tag...

Re: I lost it...please read...

Re: I lost it...please read...

Re: I lost it...please read...

I understand the whole wanting people to be a part of it, but having people who are just negative won't help. Trust me ive learned this too, its hard at first but it is also great when you don't run your decisions by others, you dont have to worry about drama or anything like that.

Re: I lost it...please read...

I know what you mean. My parents aren't against the whole wedding but they're not contributing a dime. When I mention things I want for the wedding my mom tells me that I don't need it. I get angry sometimes but I am wedding planning with the 'you don't get a say if you don't pay' mentality

Re: I lost it...please read...

aww thanks... ur right...Its just my nature to want to share everything and be happy about it...I just wanted that special relationship...gotta accept its just not so then...ugh! Who knew that would be so hard!!!

Re: I lost it...please read...

Re: I lost it...please read...

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this. I know it's hard, but you just can't talk about the wedding with FH's family for a while. Until they understand that you're the one paying for it because it is what you and FH want, they need to leave the subject alone. FH really needs to tell his mom and the rest of his family that it is your wedding, not theirs!

Good luck

Re: I lost it...please read...

Re: I lost it...please read...

I'm sorry to hear that. If you want this wedding and you can afford it, do it. If everyone else is just bringing you down and does not want to support you, then don't involve them. Send them an invite when the time comes, but don't feel like its necessary to include them in the planning process if they are just going to make it harder on you. Saving and planning is hard enough, don't let your loved ones stress you out!

Re: I lost it...please read...

So sorry but your not alone if that helps. After we put a dep. on the hall we went home and DH was telling his mother and showed her the menu which she quickly glanced at and tossed on the table. Then while DH was describing the room to her she never made eye contact with him got up in the middle of his sentence grabbed her cigarettes and walked out of the room sat in the LR and turned on the tv. He was so hurt. So hurt that he deceided we were going to elope and then come back and not tell anyone until after we had our big wedding because he felt like his parents especially his mom wouldnt have been happy for us anyway. The only reason she found out was because I got a LIW postcard with my user name and password on it and her and my SIL snooped through my account and past posts. Then tried to blame the hole eloping on me. Needless to say we were married over a year ago in Vegas and not once ever asked about it or to see pics or to say congratulations. So I fully understand were your coming from and every comment you mentioned has been made to us! Especially since we already have kids together. If you ever need a shoulder feel free

Re: I lost it...please read...

awww, Lindsay...that sh*tty!!!!! What ***** is that you are so excited and your doing all this hard work and research to make your wedding day perfect. You want to share it with them. You want their oppinions, but instead they make you feel bad about the decisions you make. I know exactly what you are going through!

Stay strong! Be tough...you can talk to us LI Brides anytime and we will NEVER, EVER make you feel bad!

Keep smiling! <-------like him

Re: I lost it...please read...

Re: I lost it...please read...

awwww thanks guys!!

I appreciate the shoulders and that unfortunatly im not the only one going through this. Its horrible that seems to be common...

yay! im known enough that somoen knows my real name!! (it doesnt take much to please me... wish the bag could know that!)

Re: I lost it...please read...

oh sweetie please don't cry! You have a whole 16 months to plan this. You can do this. You say you're paying for 100% of this....which means you can do whatever the hell you want to do! If you want circus ponies and dancing chihuahuas at the ceremony then GREAT! I know it's hard. Families can be so difficult sometimes, especially when they're not yours. But you keep your head up high and if someone tries to throw their negative two cents in you look them dead in the eye and say 'Thank you very much for your input. I'm having SO much fun planning this wedding. I hope you can make it.' Believe me, people get MORE pissed when they can't piss you off. And as far as your FMIL goes, she is definitely going to have her opinion and they sometimes really hurt. My FMIL has had more than a few snide comments about my honey and I not getting married in a church. But I smile and nod and stand my ground. She is who she is and you can't change that, you can only change how you react to her (remember, You too will be a MIL one day). Conversely, you can calmly confront her privately by saying something like 'This is such an important and exciting time in your son's life and in mine. I'm so excited to be a part of your family. You've voiced alot of concerns and fears you have about money, etc, but what I need more is your love and support through this.' My best friend said to me, in regards to my FMIL, 'You catch more flies with honey.'

I commend you for getting your degree, and wanting your masters, AND planning a wedding. That's alot on your plate! But you can do this. Get your strongest friends together for support. And no matter WHAT happens, even if the reception turns out to be hotdogs and pepsi with oreos for dessert, you're marrying the love of your life! And that's what this whole thing is about. :)

You can do this. There are 1100 other girls on this message board who'll cheer you on!!

Be well.
Jesi

Re: I lost it...please read...

I don't know your in-laws but, I feel that probably they just feel uncomfortable that you're paying for everything yourself and they can't help. They just don't know how to deal with it, so they're making you feel bad for spending the money.
just try to ignore the comments as much as you can, I know it can be hard. Just keep trying.

I stopped sharing my wedding plans with the 'haters'