I lost it...please read...

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Posted by kite1024

oh sweetie please don't cry! You have a whole 16 months to plan this. You can do this. You say you're paying for 100% of this....which means you can do whatever the hell you want to do! If you want circus ponies and dancing chihuahuas at the ceremony then GREAT! I know it's hard. Families can be so difficult sometimes, especially when they're not yours. But you keep your head up high and if someone tries to throw their negative two cents in you look them dead in the eye and say 'Thank you very much for your input. I'm having SO much fun planning this wedding. I hope you can make it.' Believe me, people get MORE pissed when they can't piss you off. And as far as your FMIL goes, she is definitely going to have her opinion and they sometimes really hurt. My FMIL has had more than a few snide comments about my honey and I not getting married in a church. But I smile and nod and stand my ground. She is who she is and you can't change that, you can only change how you react to her (remember, You too will be a MIL one day). Conversely, you can calmly confront her privately by saying something like 'This is such an important and exciting time in your son's life and in mine. I'm so excited to be a part of your family. You've voiced alot of concerns and fears you have about money, etc, but what I need more is your love and support through this.' My best friend said to me, in regards to my FMIL, 'You catch more flies with honey.'

I commend you for getting your degree, and wanting your masters, AND planning a wedding. That's alot on your plate! But you can do this. Get your strongest friends together for support. And no matter WHAT happens, even if the reception turns out to be hotdogs and pepsi with oreos for dessert, you're marrying the love of your life! And that's what this whole thing is about. :)

You can do this. There are 1100 other girls on this message board who'll cheer you on!!

Be well.
Jesi

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well said jesi - you hit the nail right on the head!

YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

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Posted by Snowflake08

its not being mean and i totally understand that you dont want to say anything or feel it would make matters worse if you did but you have to remember

1. it is your money
2. it is your wedding
3. it is your choice

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AMEN TO THAT

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Posted by Kimbalina

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Posted by Snowflake08

its not being mean and i totally understand that you dont want to say anything or feel it would make matters worse if you did but you have to remember

1. it is your money
2. it is your wedding
3. it is your choice

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AMEN TO THAT

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Couldnt have said it better myself!!!

PS i get the same thing about a lot of things i like from my mom

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Posted by madseason

Im crying my eyes out right now. My wedding is 16 months away and I feel like its just all a big ball of stress and I just end up hurt. No matter what I say, Im told I dont need things, like ring bearers, or im wasting my money on limos. Ive said it before and Ill say it again, Im paying 100% out of my own pocket, with the minimal help FH can give (if he could give more, he would). This is my dream, and I am no way being unreasonable, but when ppl say things that are inappropriate, it really gets to you and it hurts. FMIL just doesn't get it. I just cant stand being told that Im wasting my money, or that this could go towards a down payment on a house. Ive set my budget and have abided by it. Shes not giving us a dime, and its none of her business. Every sunday its the same thing... what about school.. go back! I grad with my BA with honors in history in Dec. I will go for my masters after the wedding, because i need to save for everything, not just the wedding. For some reason this is unacceptable, bc the subject is always broached. Ive talked to FH, and hes repeated himself that this is something that is not to be spoken of anymore.. its getting old. I was understand that they dont have alot of money. I didnt beg for it from them, I just got upset when I was told how I was wasting my money. They just bought a newer audi. Needless to say, it just tipped me right over.

Thanks for letting me vent. I just needed someone to read this.

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I was reading a financial book. And one of the tips they said in making your financial goals is to make sure they are your own. It sounds to me that yes, you do want to go back to school and buy a house. But right now your goal is to have a wedding. If you are paying 100% than all your FILs have to do is show up the day of. You are an adult and entitled to make your own decisions. You already know FMILs opinion so you won't need to ask anymore.

i have nothing to add to all of these eloquent responses but i wanted to give you some

I don't have anything to add but I just wanted to give you hugs.

I love all you guys so much!!

i totally know what you're going through....except i'm getting it from my own parents. My FH and I are splitting costs with FH's parents...my parents aren't really chipping in. In Asian weddings, the guy's side is supposed to pay for the reception. So my parents expect them to pay for it even though my FH and i were both born here and are having an 'American' style wedding.

Anyhow, we are trying out best to have a budget wedding...so we're doing everything simple (but elegant!!). And my mom keeps telling me how cheap everything looks....how I need to have such and such flowers and this and that. And how people are going to leave the wedding talking about how this was cheap and that was cheap. She'll suggest all these things...like TWO high pedestal centerpieces per table (keep in mind, we'll have 25 tables)....or peony bouquets.

But at the same time, she'll lecture me about how I'm spending too much money on the wedding and how I'll never be able to pay off my school loans and buy a house.

So she wants this lavish wedding (which she won't help pay for), while wanting me to pay close to nothing for it.

You're not alone.....hang in there!!! All my married friends have told me that their wedding planning period was when where they cried the most (not happy tears).