I dont know if Im overreacting but I've been upset all night. My parents put a deposit down on the reception hall for up to 100 people. The problem is, right now we're at 120 people. Ive cut out people's significant others and even some family. And my fiance isnt even able to invite a lot of people he really wants to be there. Mind you his parents and grandparents are all deceased except his one grandfather from his fathers side. He doesnt have a large family and for him to have to compromise so my mom could invite her co-workers seems selfish. I understand she's been at her job for many years but I see these people at most once a year. I dont understand why she had to even announce my wedding. Now, I have to cut out on family which is pretty much impossible considering I have 9 aunts, 2 uncles, 23 cousins and some 2nd cousins. And thats just my moms side. My step father has the nerve to say, 'We wrote up our list for up to 100 people, if you want to invite more, you pay for it' They wrote up their list, without considering my fiance's family, how does that make sense? Were not inviting anyone that shouldnt be there. I think were going to pay them back their deposit and call the whole thing off if we cant come to an agreement...The way theyre acting, my wedding will break the family apart rather than bring them together and thats the last thing I want. They constantly remind me that theyre paying...and I dont think it should be that way...Im sorry Im venting, this was the only place I could think of to do it...Am I being crazy and unreasonable...I just dont know what to do...
PrincessJen
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Posted by Songstress1212
Thanks so much for the responses, even the harsh ones. See, one thing I didnt mention was that I tried my hardest to get them to throw the wedding somewhere cheaper. I mentioned a few places that were all inclusive with DJ, flowers, etc included but they said those places werent nice. They want a GORGEOUS place to show off. So people can say wow, I didnt know they could afford that. The deposit was only 500 bucks. Thats enough for 5 extra guests with no sig. others. Im going to have one last talk with them today. I totally understand that theyre paying and they should get to invite who they want but since we knew the reception was limited to 100 people why wouldnt they take into consideration the large family we have before inviting coworkers? Im not driving myself crazy anymore. We'll talk and maybe even push the date further so we could help put some money in ourselves. Again thanks for the opinions, it really helped to see what other people thought.
Let us know how it goes. The most important thing is that you & FH are happy with your wedding. I have a limit of 100 people also so we are putting allot of thought into the guest list since we don't have allot of room.
mskittynj
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
That's a tough situation! I am sorry you are going through this. Do whatever you think its bes for for and you FH. DO NOT let your parents intimidate you! I bet you if you give their money back and say no thank you they will change the way their acting VERY quickly! Good luck! XOXOXO Kitty
Kara and Todd
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Posted by ChrissynRicky
To be honest, if your parents are footing the bill for their guests, they shouldn't be restricted in who they invite.
We went through the same thing for our wedding, so we asked my parents to pay for their guests, DH's parents to pay for their guests, and DH & I paid for OUR guets (friends) and all other vendors.
No, but when parents pay for the wedding, it's still the COUPLE's wedding. The parents should actually care what the bride and groom want. They shouldn't restrict the guest list so much so that the bride and groom cannot invite the people they are closest to.
I would give them back their deposit and have a smaller wedding of your own. You don't need the added stress. If they aren't willing to consider your thoughts and feelings, then it's not a party you want to celebrate your wedding.
Good luck and
july06bride
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I think eloping or paying for the wedding yourself- even if it has to be smaller is the way to go.
My parents foot the bill for the reception- I did not dictate who they could and could not invite- my mom invited her coworkers because she has known them since I was a child and they know me too- I don't see them often - but I know them well enough- to be honest, I didn't care if they were there or if they weren't there but it meant a lot to my mom that they were there-If we were paying for the wedding ourselves, they would have been the first ones cut off the list- HOWEVER, my parents took into account our friends and DHs family... and there were no issues in that regard- Even though your parents are paying it is still your wedding and you should have say! That being said-if you parents are not going to be 'fair' about it-and hold it over your head it is NOT going to make planning easy for you! It is NOT worth all the money at all!
Yofei18
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
To get the 'I am paying' saying out of the way.. we are having a 50/50 wedding meaning both sides are paying. However, I know that its not fair that I have 25 tables and FH side is only having 5 tables. So, my side will be paying for our tables and his side will pay for his 5 tables. If they want more tables than they are more to welcome to pay for it.
The band/photography/video/flowers is all 50/50.
chacha
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Posted by Mrs.D08
If I was you, and there was no other choice I would elope and have a small dinner after for a few people b/c at the end of the day it's about being married to ur FH. JMO
this is EXACTLY what i was thinking... who needs people throwing in your face the ridiculous thing of paying for it?! It's all about you adn you rlove for your FH! elope adn then have a small dinner---even a bbq or dinner at home you cooked with the people you care for the most...
GinaZ
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Its okay to vent!!!
I can see why you are so annoyed and upset. Maybe try to talk to them about this. Also see if you and ur FH can somehow pay for the other people you want there. Best of luck!!!
SherinJeff
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Wow.. Let us know what you decide.
I personally dont think its up to the brides parents (paying or not) who get to attend YOUR wedding. Sounds like they are doing it all for show and not for you... I would cancel tho.. elope , invite your parents if you want.. and do the rest on your own. I wouldnt want the ' we paid for your wedding' hanging over my head forever.
LitBallerinaGirl
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Instead of calling the whole thing off, take the money that you would give your parents and put it toward more people... I understand that your parents are paying, but this is your wedding and just because they are paying doesn't mean that they get to plan your wedding. I think you are giving them too much power. You need to sit them down and tell them how upset you are. I am so sorry this is happening to you!
ML110
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
i'm not trying to be harsh, but ....
1) you knew from the beginning that your parents were only going to pay for so many people 2) you've been engaged for a long time... long enough to save up some money to pay for extra guests...
i would have started saving in the beginning to pay for the extra guests that you wanted to invite... your parents aren't obligated to pay for ANY of your wedding, so the fact that they're giving you anything is a gift. granted, they shouldn't be holding it over your head like they are... but you should have maybe planned a little bit better to cover the extra people.
040508Bride
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
shoulda woulda coulda....it doesn't matter. now she needs to focus on how to keep this a happy event. If thats eloping, go for it.
jeanmarie
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I AM SO SORRY YOU ARE GOING THRU THIS. i WOULD GIVE THEM THEIR MONEY BACK AND TRY TO PAY FOR IT YOURSELF. i KNOW IT WON'T BE EASY BUT YOU WILL HAVE THE WEDDING YOU WANT NOT WHAT YOUR PARENTS WANT.
BunnyBears
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
if i read right- the HALL ONLY holds a 100 people -so u really cannot add more people even if you found the money???
did u book with other vendors- band, flowers ect yet? if not i would cancel with rh and get a bigger place even if its a later date so u can pay for it yourselfs. or elope- your parents keep threatening you with 'let us know if u cancel' like they are doing u a big favor but the way they are acting they dont want to cancel that show off wedding in my opinion so i bet they dont 'let u' elope - but if they do -u'll be married SOONEr, IN LOVE with a lovely ceremony is a beautiful place!!
weddings can cause so much stress and anxiety !! ugh not fair !
Butterfly123
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Oh no the hall doesnt only hold 100 guests, what they paid for included 100 guests. It holds a lot more than that. We actually came to an agreement. So right now Im feeling better. Hopefully thats the only kink we'll hit cause its so stressful. I just want this to be all about happiness from now on!
Pencils
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Sounds like you've worked it out somewhat. that's good. Whenever you're not paying for it yourself, it takes the control out of your hands. It's not the 1950s anymore, we all want our weddings to be OUR weddings, not our parents' parties.
Nirvin
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Hopefully they will be willing to meet you half way. If not, sratch the whole thing and have a destination wedding. It's cheaper for you and whoever wants to go, have them pay for themselves.
In the end, all the stress and heartache is not worth it! It's about you and your fiance's special day. Put your foot down.
PrincessJen
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I'm glad things were worked out. Hopefully you guys will be able to resolve any future issues that come up & keep everyone happy without calling it out.
ZuzusPetals
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I did NOT read the whole post so forgive me if I am being repetitive ... but this is my advice!
SET BOUNDARIES NOW ... I think you are 100% right that this wedding will bring the family apart at the rate it is going and to NOT consider your fiances feelings is rediculous on your parents part. I think you should say, 'Listen, I love you guys more than anything but this is NOT how I envisioned the wedding planning process. As a result, we decided to not have the large wedding and if you would like we will pay you back for the deposit. This decision reall breaks my heart but after all the requirements that have been put on the 'happiest day of my life' its just the only conclusiion I can come up with.
BEST OF LUCK!
And you are right - the fact that your fiance cant even have his parents at his wedding is just bringing tears to my eyes. When a parent is footing the bill ... they usually give you an amount they can contribute - not just allowing enough money to have THEIR guests.
EJSD2006
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Posted by HotAir
Sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. Maybe it would be worth it to pay for the 'extra' people you want to invite. You would still be having your wedding and having the people you want there. Plus, If the first 100 are paid for that's a good thing. Good luck!!!
agreed.
was it discussed before your parents paid for the 100 people EXACTLY who was included in the count? maybe your parents were under the impression that they were just paying for their side. my best friend is engaged now and her parents are paying for their side and her FMIL is paying for her side.
to avoid any future aggravation, is it possible for you guys to pay for anyone over the 100?
