I dont know if Im overreacting but I've been upset all night. My parents put a deposit down on the reception hall for up to 100 people. The problem is, right now we're at 120 people. Ive cut out people's significant others and even some family. And my fiance isnt even able to invite a lot of people he really wants to be there. Mind you his parents and grandparents are all deceased except his one grandfather from his fathers side. He doesnt have a large family and for him to have to compromise so my mom could invite her co-workers seems selfish. I understand she's been at her job for many years but I see these people at most once a year. I dont understand why she had to even announce my wedding. Now, I have to cut out on family which is pretty much impossible considering I have 9 aunts, 2 uncles, 23 cousins and some 2nd cousins. And thats just my moms side. My step father has the nerve to say, 'We wrote up our list for up to 100 people, if you want to invite more, you pay for it' They wrote up their list, without considering my fiance's family, how does that make sense? Were not inviting anyone that shouldnt be there. I think were going to pay them back their deposit and call the whole thing off if we cant come to an agreement...The way theyre acting, my wedding will break the family apart rather than bring them together and thats the last thing I want. They constantly remind me that theyre paying...and I dont think it should be that way...Im sorry Im venting, this was the only place I could think of to do it...Am I being crazy and unreasonable...I just dont know what to do...
Mrs.D08
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I'm so sorry your going through that. At the end of the day it all about you and ur FH. Do you think u can pay for it urself?
Espo22
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
have you sat down and spoken to them about this? and not just get mad and argue but make them understand that before co-workers get invited you have to invite family first.
medic6809
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Take a deep breath and remember you are getting married!!!!!!! In my opinion the only people that HAD to be at my wedding were Joe me and God. We would have just paid 2 people to witness. We live in MI. If you want a big wedding an dyour parents are willing to pay for their family then let them, but bear in mind you will have to pay the rest. Can you afford that? Can you afford that with the RH you already picked? Just think it over. Whenever anyone in my family said anything about MY wedding......I politely?, sorry bad speller, reminded them it was OUR wedding. Do what's in your heart and talk to FH. No matter what it WILL be a perfect day
medic6809
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
HotAir
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. Maybe it would be worth it to pay for the 'extra' people you want to invite. You would still be having your wedding and having the people you want there. Plus, If the first 100 are paid for that's a good thing. Good luck!!!
Butterfly123
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Posted by Espo22
have you sat down and spoken to them about this? and not just get mad and argue but make them understand that before co-workers get invited you have to invite family first.
Anytime I try to talk to them about it they make it seem like Im CRAZY for saying my mom shouldnt invite her co-workers cause theyre paying. I think theyve mentioned the f act that theyre paying like 10 times already. It just pisses me off because I know how they are, and theyre more about showing off than worrying about hurting their daughter. I just wanted the closest people to us to be there not some random people we never see. And the sad part is, we cant pay for this ourselves. If this falls through, were eloping and getting it done by ourselves. Instead of talking to me, they lose their cool and say, 'LET US KNOW IF YOU WANNA CALL IT OFF' That really hurts...If they cared wouldnt they calm me down and tell me it will be worked out?
BTW, I apologize for this negative post. I know this site is supposed to be about happiness and the joys of getting married and Im kind of a sore thumb, I just didnt know where else to vent.
HotAir
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
It's not always the place to post only happy things! When we need support or feel stressed it's a great place to get support.
Butterfly123
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Posted by HotAir
Sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. Maybe it would be worth it to pay for the 'extra' people you want to invite. You would still be having your wedding and having the people you want there. Plus, If the first 100 are paid for that's a good thing. Good luck!!!
We just cant afford it. And it hurts to think my fiance has to put in money to invite a few more people when he hardly has invited anyone to begin with. My side is about 75 percent, my mom and step fathers side is about 15 percent and my fiance 10 percent, and he has to pay for his extras? Its bad enough he's 26 with no parents to attend his wedding you know?? I just dont think its fair to him. If we had the money, Id just put it in and shut up. I wish we did
And thank you, everyone on this forum have been nothing but nice :)
medic6809
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
In my honest opinion it sounds like eloping may be the right answer. Take a weekend head to your favorite weekend getaway and get married. Then no one feels bad, and you have done what you set out to do 2 yrs ago....get married
Mrs.D08
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
If I was you, and there was no other choice I would elope and have a small dinner after for a few people b/c at the end of the day it's about being married to ur FH. JMO
Anthonysgirl
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Hi...I'm sooo sorry that you are going through this. I would just relax and sit down and talk to everyone in a nice way. They should understand that it is about you and your fh that day and you guys should get to invite who you want to invite. I mean i'm not saying don't invite no one from their list but not all 100. Things will work out don't worry. You and your fh were meant to be and if that means going away for the weekend and eloping then that's what you should do. Don't worry things will get better!
diva7531
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I would try once more to sit with your parents and talk to them, let them know that you appreciate that they want to celebrate your day with thier friends, but in the end it is not worth FH having to cut family, what little he has. Give them the he needs his family because he doesn't have parents trip. See if that makes sense to them, if not ELOPE!!!!! And let your parents know that you love them but want your new life with FH to start off on a good note with family and friends not people that you barely know. GL Hope you get what you want!
MrsJones2B
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Pay your parents back for that deposit.
You and FH should continue paying off the RH.
and Plan the way you want and who you want.
In most cases where the parents are paying for the wedding, the parents want a 'say so' also.
MJDoc12
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
i know this may not be the thing you want to hear---but if your parents are paying for it....it sounds like they believe they have the power & control...and unless you pay into it as well, then you have do one of two things:
a)realize that they are the type that 'its my way or no way at all' and deal with them and what they are willing to pay---and figure out a way to come up with the difference to pay for guests that you want
b)tell them that you don't want their help and they can have their money and you will wait as long as it takes for you to save the $$ for your own wedding, or just elope.
i know it sux, but in reality it seems like your parents are not going to budge, and if you aren't putting a dime into it--then in their eyes, you have no say whatsoever.
i gotta tell ya, i'd rather take a vacation with my guy and just do a destination wedding or elope at town hall then deal with parentzillas. its just not worth the stress and frustration. you really need to sit down with your FH and figure this out and decide what it is that you need to do.
Luvbsb4eva
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I am so sorry you are going through this... and I feel so bad that your parents are acting this way! I basically agree with what some of the other girls were saying... try to give your parents one more chance and talk to them, and if that doesn't work then either 1. elope or 2. put off the wedding until you and your FH have enough money to do it your way! You can even do both, elope first, and then once you have the money for the wedding you want then do that! The best part of that is... it will be your day, the way it should be!
And don't worry about venting on here, this is probably the best place to do so! We all understand what you are going through since we are all planning our weddings!
MyLobster
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I agree the girls...this is supposed to be the happiest day of your life...not bc you're inviting everyone you know or making your family happy but bc you are promising to spend the rest of your life with your FH. I think you should sit down with FH and have a serious discussion about what would make you both happy. It is your day whether it is in a castle with 300 guests or in Vegas. Do what will make you happy! Good luck!
medic6809
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Sorry, but this has been bugging me.........you cut family and people's sig others so youre mom's co-workers could come? If I was someones sig other I would be deeply offended. You have been engaged for 2ys and decided to get married in 8 months at JT. I'm sorry but maybe you should have started a budget then. You posted that your parents were giving you 6000 for you wedding, and, no I do not live in LI, but from this site I have noticed weddings cost a little more than that. Save Save Save and then have the dream wedding in late 08 or 09, find another place, or elope, Look i'm not trying to be harsh, but if a bigger wedding is what you want and you need to save that's fine and there is no shame in that, but if you have this wedding you will make people very angry, and family is not who should suffer. Co-worker come and go, but your family is forever. How would you feel is the situation was reversed? My FH has 6 people coming vs my 22 but we split the cost because it is OUR wedding and they are coming to see BOTH OF US get married.
Again so sorry I'm not always the best with words
luvabul
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
i totally agree...or if not i'd wait longer and save up... its just about being with the person you love!!
erdbeere
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
If my parents were paying and acted like that I would seriously tell them to keep their money. We would elope and save up for a celebration whenever we could afford it. Were you guys planning on going on a honeymoon? Maybe you can just get married there..like a nice intimate ceremony on the beach, just the 2 of you?
