I dont know if Im overreacting but I've been upset all night. My parents put a deposit down on the reception hall for up to 100 people. The problem is, right now we're at 120 people. Ive cut out people's significant others and even some family. And my fiance isnt even able to invite a lot of people he really wants to be there. Mind you his parents and grandparents are all deceased except his one grandfather from his fathers side. He doesnt have a large family and for him to have to compromise so my mom could invite her co-workers seems selfish. I understand she's been at her job for many years but I see these people at most once a year. I dont understand why she had to even announce my wedding. Now, I have to cut out on family which is pretty much impossible considering I have 9 aunts, 2 uncles, 23 cousins and some 2nd cousins. And thats just my moms side. My step father has the nerve to say, 'We wrote up our list for up to 100 people, if you want to invite more, you pay for it' They wrote up their list, without considering my fiance's family, how does that make sense? Were not inviting anyone that shouldnt be there. I think were going to pay them back their deposit and call the whole thing off if we cant come to an agreement...The way theyre acting, my wedding will break the family apart rather than bring them together and thats the last thing I want. They constantly remind me that theyre paying...and I dont think it should be that way...Im sorry Im venting, this was the only place I could think of to do it...Am I being crazy and unreasonable...I just dont know what to do...
Lemons
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
it ***** to say it, but eloping might be your best option. That way, it becomes ALL about you and your FH, there's no stress about who you can invite or who you had to cut off....IF you want your friends and family involved then you can have a 'party' when you get back announcing your marriage.....And that way your parents cant keep throwing the money thing in your face.....Good Luck!
Snickers76
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
IMO, there is no point to having the wedding in JT if you are not inviting people that are close to you and FH. I would seriously consider postponing the wedding if a traditional LI style wedding is what you want...you can save in the meantime...OR, do what the other girls here said and elope...Vegas is always a fun option...my friend just got married there and had a beautiful ceremony with flowers, photographer etc. for 1K.
SusiBtoM
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by HotAir
Sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. Maybe it would be worth it to pay for the 'extra' people you want to invite. You would still be having your wedding and having the people you want there. Plus, If the first 100 are paid for that's a good thing. Good luck!!!
We just cant afford it. And it hurts to think my fiance has to put in money to invite a few more people when he hardly has invited anyone to begin with. My side is about 75 percent, my mom and step fathers side is about 15 percent and my fiance 10 percent, and he has to pay for his extras? Its bad enough he's 26 with no parents to attend his wedding you know?? I just dont think its fair to him. If we had the money, Id just put it in and shut up. I wish we did
And thank you, everyone on this forum have been nothing but nice :)
At this point, it seems that your mom and stepdad just won't budge. If you and FH truly cannot afford to pay for the additional guests yoruself, perhaps eloping would not be a bad idea. A wedding is about you and your husband to be. You can get married on an island, get married at city hall, have a very very small ceremony and reception at a restaurant with close friends and some family.
It sounds as if you mom and stepdad are being selfish. Yes they are paying for 100 guests, but to constantly throw it into your face, that's just not acceptable behavior by adults. The line about wanting to call off the wedding - yeah, go ahead and call off the wedding (it's only a party), just don't call off the marriage.
We are all here to help one another, so never apologize for venting.
040508Bride
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
listen---IMHO, here's what I think you should do.....
Forget this party that your parents are trying to throw. To be fair to them, IDK if it's a money thing for them, or if they are just being selfish, but either way it seems like you are stuck in this position because of them one way or the other. If i were you, i'd hop on a plane, go somewhere nice for the weekend, and have something small at a local VFW, or even a park when you get back. My uncle threw a family reunion at a park in the wantagh/merrick area (i don't remember the name of it, but it was close to merrick rd) and we had a great time and i'm sure it is affordable, if not cheaper then what your parents were already planning. You can do a huge BBQ for a fraction of what you were paying. Get yourself a nice white sundress, and don't let this ruin YOUR day. I'm sure you dreamed of something different, but it's not going as smoothly as you dreamed, i'm sure. Rather then get yourself sick over it, just say thanks but no thanks, to the wedding they were planning and try something different. It's better to have the people you WANT there and that SHOULD be there as opposed to having 100 people that your parents can afford at the place of your dreams. I HTH.
Julybride08
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
If your parents won't budge and you decide to pay them back for the deposit, couldn't you just put that money that you woul dpay them back with towars the wedding and inviting FH's guests?? I know it's not what you want. BNut it seems like you have the money to pay them back but not to add?? And also, they say that 20% of your guest usally are no's. So I would take that into consideration also. Or maybe change to a different RH? Where it's less money PP.
Espo22
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by Espo22
have you sat down and spoken to them about this? and not just get mad and argue but make them understand that before co-workers get invited you have to invite family first.
Anytime I try to talk to them about it they make it seem like Im CRAZY for saying my mom shouldnt invite her co-workers cause theyre paying. I think theyve mentioned the f act that theyre paying like 10 times already. It just pisses me off because I know how they are, and theyre more about showing off than worrying about hurting their daughter. I just wanted the closest people to us to be there not some random people we never see. And the sad part is, we cant pay for this ourselves. If this falls through, were eloping and getting it done by ourselves. Instead of talking to me, they lose their cool and say, 'LET US KNOW IF YOU WANNA CALL IT OFF' That really hurts...If they cared wouldnt they calm me down and tell me it will be worked out?
BTW, I apologize for this negative post. I know this site is supposed to be about happiness and the joys of getting married and Im kind of a sore thumb, I just didnt know where else to vent.
ahhh see if that was me i would say ok enjoy YOUR wedding since youve made it all about you and obviously you dont give a s*** about what i want. There was a short moment where everybody was more concerned about what they want, and i said oh i cant wait to get an invite to YOUR event, since this turned into everything you want.
Is there any way you two can contribute to the wedding instead of your parents paying for everything? unfortunately if they're paying for everything they're going to constantly do this.
Maybe refuse to do anything for the wedding and say you want no part in it, maybe your parents might actually feel bad then
EGreene79
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Posted by Snickers76
I would seriously consider postponing the wedding if a traditional LI style wedding is what you want...you can save in the meantime...OR, do what the other girls here said and elope...Vegas is always a fun option...my friend just got married there and had a beautiful ceremony with flowers, photographer etc. for 1K.
I completely agree with this. If it's really important to you to have a large reception - postpone it, or have a small ceremony now and throw the party later when you can afford it.
Otherwise, elope or have a small reception.
Sorry you're going through this.
LaurenluvsTJ
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
If they are so hung up on it being their way because they are paying, and it is making you and FH unhappy, then I would do what you said, give them their deposit back, and have a smaller wedding that you and FH can pay for. This is supposed to be a happy time in your life, so do what makes you and FH happy. I am sorry your parents are making you feel this way, and don't be concerned about a negative post, this is a place to vent about the bad things, as well as celebrate the good things. Remember, at the end of the day the most important thing is the love between you and your FH and that you are married.
Flutterbye922
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I think you are going to have a very hard time with all of your planning if your parents keep hanging it over your head that they are paying for the wedding. Is there any way at all that you could possibly pay for this yourself???
My parents did not invite their co-workers because quit frankly - they don't care that I am getting married. Why would someone want to spend money on a gift for someone that they barely know. I will never understand that.
This sounds like such a difficult situation but it just isn't fair that they can invite whomever that want and you have to cut people that you really want to be there and who genuinly want to see you and FH get married.
Good luck! Hope everything works out
Mizzdimple
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
My opinion., cancel with your venue and do everything on your own.
You dont need added stress., you want this to be a happy time., and if your parents are basically telling you my way or nothing FORGET IT.
Mrs Stacey
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Im so sorry for this but it better if you talk with them first and relax
ChrissynRicky
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
To be honest, if your parents are footing the bill for their guests, they shouldn't be restricted in who they invite.
We went through the same thing for our wedding, so we asked my parents to pay for their guests, DH's parents to pay for their guests, and DH & I paid for OUR guets (friends) and all other vendors.
RadiantBride
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I am really sorry to hear what you are going through.
I agree 100% with what the girls are telling you Unfortunately if your parents are paying for the whole thing you can try to reason with them but ultimately it will be their money =their decision
If you can, push the date back so that you and FH can save up and contribute to the wedding, then you will feel like you have more of a say. Even if you and FH can only save 2K that will be plenty more people that you can invite.
Remember that at the end of the day it is YOUR DAY and you should be happy, if having a big extravegant wedding in JT will not make you the happiest woman in the world on YOUR day then do something that will (whether that be City Hall or a Destination).
Dont make any rushed decisions take your time and think about what will be the best for you and FH.
nmagel
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Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Posted by HotAir
Sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. Maybe it would be worth it to pay for the 'extra' people you want to invite. You would still be having your wedding and having the people you want there. Plus, If the first 100 are paid for that's a good thing. Good luck!!!
I feel the same way. Paying for 20 people yourself is better than paying for 120 people. I would start saving and have the wedding you want.
FalNBill
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
I am really sorry you are so upset - this is a terrible thing your parents are doing to you. My advice - would be to thank your parents and tell them that although you are so grateful that they are willing to pay for this - it's not what you invisioned - You have always wanted a wedding with all your & FH relatives & friends, so you what you need to do is take matters into your own hands and find anyway possible to pay for it yourself - Thats what Im doing, It's really not that bad if both you and FH are willing to save & really just budget your money well- It will work out, I hope everything goes well, good luck
PrincessJen
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Everyone on here is making valid points.
FH& I set our wedding for 2009 to allow ample time to make scheduled payments & planning since we are footing the bill ourselves.
Your best bet may be to elope or do a destination wedding. Doing a destination wedding would drastically cut down the list (provided FH's family is able to make it) and you guys may be able to pay for it on your own.
If a destination wedding is not an option then eloping is still available. Then host a small dinner with immediate family afterwards.
bonch20
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
How terrible to make you feel this way. Seems like the first issue is meeting the halls requirements and you being over in guests. Can they do something to accomidate the overs? If yes, can you afford to pay for anyone over 100?
bemyyoko
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
this situation *****. but maybe there's a way around it sort of... you're willing to give your parents back their deposit right? welll most places i talked to had a deposit of like $1000. That's enough money to invite other people. Perhaps you could just put that money towards your FH's guests.
My parents are paying for my wedding, so they can invite whoever they want. We are also inviting the majority of the people we want to be there, as well as FMIL's guest list. We'll cut back in other areas. The important part of the day is celebrating with people who care about you.
*hugs*
Autumn08
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
You parents are married already. They had their wedding and everything. This is your wedding.
First when deciding the guest list tell them that it's family first, then friends of FH and I, then the parent's friends. Why would I want to celebrate with people a barely know? I want our friends and family there.
Usually when people are cutting back the guest list they cut out coworkers.
Personally it shouldn't matter who is paying. If the B&G want a smaller more intimate wedding with just friends and family then that's what you should get. End of story.
Butterfly123
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Member since
Re: I might just call off the whole thing...
Thanks so much for the responses, even the harsh ones. See, one thing I didnt mention was that I tried my hardest to get them to throw the wedding somewhere cheaper. I mentioned a few places that were all inclusive with DJ, flowers, etc included but they said those places werent nice. They want a GORGEOUS place to show off. So people can say wow, I didnt know they could afford that. The deposit was only 500 bucks. Thats enough for 5 extra guests with no sig. others. Im going to have one last talk with them today. I totally understand that theyre paying and they should get to invite who they want but since we knew the reception was limited to 100 people why wouldnt they take into consideration the large family we have before inviting coworkers? Im not driving myself crazy anymore. We'll talk and maybe even push the date further so we could help put some money in ourselves. Again thanks for the opinions, it really helped to see what other people thought.
