I need advice...QUICK!!

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: May 14, 2003 10:08 AM

I need advice...QUICK!!

I just logged onto what I thought was my aol acct to look for an email I had sent to LIPA, only I was in my FH's acct. I saw that he sent an email on Sunday to his ex-girlfriend 'Hi, I was just thinking about you, how are you?'...and to another girl saying the same thing. WHAT do I do? How do I approach this? I have guy friends, and made that clear to him before we even got serius, but I dont go e-mailing ex boyfriends, or people that I've slept with! I'm fuming!!!!!

StayandJohn Posted: May 14, 2003 10:11 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

HAve you confronted him on this? Have they written back? If it were me I would log on to his account again and check to see if they wrote him back and then I would confront him ASAP.

I do not tolerate keeping the line of communication open with ex's!

Hope all works out!

Sassyz75 Posted: May 14, 2003 10:11 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

I don't know - I guess it just depends on the relationship you both have... would he be upset that you were in his AOL account? Do you think he is cheating or are you just upset that he is in contact with his ex?

NovemberSue Posted: May 14, 2003 10:13 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

It could be totally innocent. He may just be friends with them and perhaps wanted to share in his happiness about you and the wedding.
I'm assuming he never told you that he still speaks to these people. I think you should talk to him about it but don't accuse him of anything.He may have just been innocently talking.

Marcela1654 Posted: May 14, 2003 10:13 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

I would be fuming also!!!
I would confront him, but not this minute. Calm down first. If you confront him by yelling and screaming, it's going to turn into an screaming match and nothing is going to get resolved.

Good Luck

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: May 14, 2003 10:14 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

I havent confronted him yet, I just found this about an hour ago. I didn't mean to go onto his acct. MY son is home sick and I have 50 million things going on, and I just signed on quick, not looking at who's account was up.
I don't necessarily think he's cheating, but this doesn't sit well with me at all.

Thrilled Posted: May 14, 2003 10:15 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

OK...let me be Devil's Advocate here....my FH and I have separate AOL accounts and I have NEVER made that mistake....is his password already plugged in so he just hits sign on and there it is? And further, may I ask why, once you realized you were in his account, you continued to read?

That aside, is he going to go ballistic if you confront him? Does he have a lot of girl friends? Does he have a history?

Jeanene Posted: May 14, 2003 10:15 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

I think you need to talk with your FH. But first you need to think about what you want to say and how to say it.

I know that for me, if I approach my DH angry, he instantly gets defensive and we just end up fighting. But when I approach the situation calmly and explain to my DH why XX hurt my feelings he tends to be more receptive and less defensive.

In your situation, I too would be hurt - let him know!! Good luck!!

NovemberSue Posted: May 14, 2003 10:15 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

He may have not said anything to you because he figured it would annoy you.If thats the case,it backfired anyway.Good luck!
Like I said,its probably totally innocent.

alina Posted: May 14, 2003 10:15 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

I would just tell him exactly what happened and your accidental discovery. I probably woudlnt' be jealous, but would ask him why he didn't mention the whole keeping in touch thing to you...

eroxgirl Posted: May 14, 2003 10:18 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

FH and I went through this in the beginning...I gave him the opportunity to be truthful, and he lied. Then I ripped him a new one, told him I was moving out and wouldn't change my mind until he got so upset he vomited (sorry if its TMI, but thats what happened). I get angry just thinking about it.

I don't know if I have any real advice as much as I have empathy. I let my FH know in clear, uncertain terms that if he wants to maintain friendships that was fine, but they MUST NOT be kept secret from me. No e-mail, calling at work or on the cell phone bull$hit...call my house, speak to me, look me in the eye. And if these women were real friends to him, they would not do anything to jeopardize his relationship with you. I hate when people say, well she's not really at fault, its him. Screw that! If they know he's involved w/ you, they should show you the respect you deserve!

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: May 14, 2003 10:24 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

His password is already there, so I just hit sign in. Once I saw his ex girlfriends e-mail address, yeah, I continued to read, cause I was like 'what the h.ell!' So yes, I continued to read, and when I confront him, I know he'll turn it around to that I was snooping, when it was a total accident, and I want to address the other issue!!!!!

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: May 14, 2003 10:25 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

I would totally confront him and I would also email the 2 girls back saying WHO you are and letting them know what the situation IS!

NovemberSue Posted: May 14, 2003 10:26 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

They are probably just friends. You said there was two of them,right? Talk to him later calmly and let him know how upset you are when you came across this. Don't get yourself worked up over it all day because then you'll just explode on him later.

alina Posted: May 14, 2003 10:29 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

Are you upset about him talking to them or about him keeping his keeping in touch with them a secret?

Sassyz75 Posted: May 14, 2003 10:29 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

DH and I both have relationships with our exes- sometimes you date people that you probably shouldn't have- you would have been better off staying friends, and the both of us have remained friends with some of our exes. I just don't get jealous because I am solid with the relationship we have... I think you have to talk to him because you'll go crazy otherwise... but you need to be calm

eroxgirl Posted: May 14, 2003 10:30 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

FH totally tried to turn it around on me also...so this is what you do...

Stress that it was simply an accident that you wound up there in the first place, you've never snooped before (true or not, doesn't matter) and how DARE HE try to turn this around and avoid the issue at hand which is that he's keeping secrets from you... (worked for me )

KarenK122 Posted: May 14, 2003 10:32 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

I would tell him the truth that you accidently ended up in his email account and saw the emails to his ex girlfriends. Don't sound accusatory just wait for his response then take it from there. It might be something totally innocent.

I know I still email a few exs just to keep in touch because they were a big part of my life at one point, but I am very open and upfront with my FI that I am doing this.

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: May 14, 2003 10:32 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

I know for sure that one of them is an ex that he dated on and off for a couple years, and broke up wiht right before we started dating. He's always saying how mean she was and what a pshycho she was, so why the h.ell would he choose to email her..thinking about you, just wanted to say hi???? He would NOT be happy if I were emailing exes! Again...'friends' are a different story, but exes are totally different in my book!!!!!

Samanthas Mom Posted: May 14, 2003 10:39 AM

Re: I need advice...QUICK!!

I think that is sooo wrong! why would he say he was 'thinking' of them??

I am not sure how you should confront him b/c he probably will be mad you used his aol account even if it was by accident b/c if the girls didnt respond yet that means you hit sent mail? Can you convince him that you really didnt see the name up top and hit sent thinking it was your account?

Either way, I dont think him emailing them was right