Hello. I am a regular poster on LIW-but I am too embarrassed to show who I really am.
Me and my fiancee have been together over 7 years, and our relationship has been great. We've never broken up-but we were once a a lil 'break' for like 3 days. At that time, our best friends had broken up-and it made us think our relationship. During that time, one of my guy friends had admitted to me he liked me-but nothing happened. He tried to kiss me, but I wouldn't let him. I had made the decision to be with my boyfriend, and he made the decision to stay with me. So everything was great after that-we got engaged almost 2 years later and everything really has been good.
I started a new job not too long ago, and one of the guys I work with-we always joke around, saying we like each other n all. He always compliments me-he also has a gf of 9 years-and is prob going to get engaged soon.
Well, we've always talked and today he asked me to go out w/him after work. So I thought, what the hell, and I did. We ended up just talking about work and him getting engaged-for 2 hours. When we were leaving and I was walking to the train, he tried to kiss me, but I wouldn't let him.
I don't know whats wrong with me!!! I don't think I even like him...I think I just like the attention...What do you guys think??
akaMrsT
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I asked FH about this and his first question was why, after 7 years, would you be out drinking with another man alone - a man you flirt with at the office And his next question is did you tell your FH where you were going in advance
FH says the alcohol is just 'liquid courage' and it seems as if you wanted to 'test the waters' after 7 years with the same man since you let this man give you a peck on your lips - a peck which you had to see coming.
hmpena
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Posted by Mrs. Powell
Posted by gNi1125
Posted by wendyz06
In these situations I always think to myself - how would I feel if my FH did this to me?
I totally agree. Whether it was innocent or not...it seems like you were setting yourself up for this one.
I totally agree.
I agree as well. I think what's most important is why you want this attention from another person. Is there anything going on with FH right now? Like is he too busy with work and you feel alone? Whatever the case, I hope it all works out for you!
LaurenluvsTJ
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Well, everyone wants attention..... are you getting attention from your FH? Why are you seeking attention from another man? If you are feeling neglected in your relationship, then maybe you need to think about things, and talk to your FH. You definitely need to end the friendship with your co-worker, I think what you both did was innappropriate by going out for drinks after work, just the two of you. He crossed the line even further by trying to kiss you. I try to think, what if FH went out with a woman alone... I want to think I would be cool with it, but I know it my heart I would be insanely jealous and really hurt. Next time if you want to hang out with a coworker, go out with a group of people from work.
SweetCin704
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Posted by akaMrsT
I asked FH about this and his first question was why, after 7 years, would you be out drinking with another man alone - a man you flirt with at the office And his next question is did you tell your FH where you were going in advance
FH says the alcohol is just 'liquid courage' and it seems as if you wanted to 'test the waters' after 7 years with the same man since you let this man give you a peck on your lips - a peck which you had to see coming.
I agree fully....if you didn't tell FH where you were going ahead of time then something is not right. If it was strictly on a friendly level then there shouldn't be anything to hide, but put yourself in FH's shoes, how would you feel?
OF course you enjoyed the attention and the flirting, but that is only going to lead to trouble...it started w/ a peck, but what's next? You are only setting yourselves up to get hurt or definitely hurt your SO's...I would totally back off and try to distance yourself at work.
I've been in that situation (sort of) at an office job & he was married and we'd go out after softball games & we'd flirt but then one night he tried kissing me and at that point I was like what the hell!? I totally backed off...
Good luck & perhaps it is just the reality of marriage setting in..knowing you are going to be w/ FH forever....
ChrissynRicky
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Posted by hmpena
Posted by Mrs. Powell
Posted by gNi1125
Posted by wendyz06
In these situations I always think to myself - how would I feel if my FH did this to me?
I totally agree. Whether it was innocent or not...it seems like you were setting yourself up for this one.
I totally agree.
I agree as well. I think what's most important is why you want this attention from another person. Is there anything going on with FH right now? Like is he too busy with work and you feel alone? Whatever the case, I hope it all works out for you!
Ditto, ditto, ditto, and ditto.
You made your bed, you lay in it...comes to mind with this situation.
Never once did you stop to think 'Hey, why are we going out just the two of us?' That's a little shady - unless of course, you are have serious doubts about your current relationship and wanted to 'explore' the other side.
dgtlsunshine
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To me you totally cheated on your fiance and should think seriously about moving futher with the relationship.
I have been with my husband five years and I have never come close to doing anything like that and I definately would not as I believe no other man even comes close to my DH.
nov06
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I think you've been with your FI for a very long time and maybe just miss that 'new' feeling - I think everybody does sometimes, it's a GREAT feeling. But I also feel you should look at it from your FI's side because I would be super pissed if I found out my FI went out with some girl alone after work. It sounds like you love your FI very much and have no doubts about your future with him but if your not sure you can trust yourself with this other guy, then I would stop seeing him (at least alone) and don't even put yourself in the position to jepeordize the relationship with your FI.
glinda_goodwitch
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To me, going out socially with another guy alone is like cheating. If I have a guy friend that I see socially, my FH is usually with me. I would feel extremely hurt if my FH went out with a girl alone, even if it was just for a few drinks. If it's a guy friend that you can't share with your FH, then IMO, it's a friendship you shouldn't have. This is just something to think about for the future so that this doesn't happen again
Blu-ize
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You know ladies, I go out with co-workers and sometimes it's just me and one other person (male). I let my DH know about it and it never escalates to anything.
It's not all black and white. I have never cheated on my DH and I never would. My male friends all know that I am married and some of them are married as well.
I think it's bothering you because you feel guilty that you somehow caused it. It takes 2 to tango.
Going out with a person of the opposite sex alone does not constitute cheating IMO.
LuvMyFH
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[ I agree with you-it wasn't exactly right that we went out, alone. But I just went there to talk- Don't think he does this w/anyone else-I'm pretty sure of it in fact. Hes very shy. He was nice enough to call me twice and leave me a message saying he was sorry and didtn want me to feel uncomfortable-and make sure I got home okay. We are both in a similar situation-we've been with our significant others a longg time and never been w/anyone else.
As for me, I am happy, and I def think I am ready to get married-I just like the attention, what can I say, I'm a Leo
thank you
You are always going to be attracted to other people, it just how we are as humans.
However make sure you are sure you are making the right decision. Will you one day regret that you have never had a relationship with someone else???
Oh and yes, LEO's love attention I am a LEO too!
Just think it over and make sure you are making the right decision for you!
JanuaryBride06
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Re: I need help-Opinions Please.
Posted by Blu-ize
Going out with a person of the opposite sex alone does not constitute cheating IMO.
I agree with you.
I think the issue at hand is the relationship between the poster and FH. If you are seeking out the attention of other men, is it for an ego boost because you're feeling not so confident about yourself lately? If you didn't like this guy but liked the attention, then you should be careful. It could lead to other instances with you putting yourself in situations similar to this one and potentially jeopardizing your relationship.
ETA - I hope that this doesn't insult you in any way - that's not my intention. Good luck.
Sunrise813
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From one Leo to another, here’s my 2cents…
When it comes to my relationship with FH I live by this rule:
Always act in his absence as you would in his presence.
Meaning if FH was right there next to you would you behave the same way, is your flirting really innocent? Only you can answer that. What if you found out that FH had the same type of joking/flirty relationship with a co-worker, how would that make you feel. I understanding liking attention, we all do, but there is also a line you don’t cross. But to me it sounds like you cross the line with excessive flirting. It sounds like even though it wasn’t physical you had “a thing” with this guy. I say stop now before you do something that you will regret. I think that you should look at your relationship with your FH and figure out why you need this attention from another person.
As far as this guy is concerned I say tell him that you would prefer to keep your relationship only business, and under no circumstances should you go out alone with him. Because I agree with some of the other ladies, what kind of a guy has a GF for 9 yrs and tries to cheat.
Okay I think my 2 cents are up…
kaklesmay
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I have a quick question.
Did you tell your FH that you two hung out after work?
If your keeping it a secret, then I think internally you know something is wrong with the picture.
If you were upfront about it, then it could just be an innocent flirty thing.
Preshy7
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it sounds like you like the attention and he was there and you liked the feeling of playing the 'game' and you liked feeling wanted
putting all right or wrong aside -
-what is the something thats lacking with your relationship with fh that you seek attention from this guy
-did you feel guilty afterwards or did you find you didnt feel bad
-if you see this guy again will you be tempted
these are questions we cant answer. it sounds like this guy is pretty taken and so are you so my only advice is that if you love fh and truly want to marry him try not to put yourself in situation where you feel weakness to cheat.
and that goes for anyone not just you. my precana teacher said to stay out of any situation that can jeopardize your relationship.
good luck
STBH
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Honey, there is nothing wrong with you!! I believe that you truly do love you Fh. Its just that attention is always good! People love it
Mrs. Powell
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Posted by Preshy7
it sounds like you like the attention and he was there and you liked the feeling of playing the 'game' and you liked feeling wanted
putting all right or wrong aside -
-what is the something thats lacking with your relationship with fh that you seek attention from this guy
-did you feel guilty afterwards or did you find you didnt feel bad
-if you see this guy again will you be tempted
these are questions we cant answer. it sounds like this guy is pretty taken and so are you so my only advice is that if you love fh and truly want to marry him try not to put yourself in situation where you feel weakness to cheat.
I agree.
and that goes for anyone not just you. my precana teacher said to stay out of any situation that can jeopardize your relationship.
good luck
JazzyT
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Its good to know other people still find you attractive, it makes a human being feel good..not beacuse you are with FH people will stop being attracted to you and you will stop being attracred to people so nothing's wrong with you but if you value your relationship with FH don't go out with them.
otherme
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Posted by RegPosterr
I really don't think I have feelings for him-maybe just sexual feelings, lol, sorry TMI. He sorta just pecked me on the lips-but he told me he really wanted to kiss me.
This is your response that bothered me... Let me tell you from experience that if you're feeling like you need the attention from any other guys that its probably a sign of something deeper. I was in a relationship several years ago where i was sure that i was in love with my boyfriend of 6 years. No doubts whatsoever. But I would go out with co-workers, friends etc and end up talking to random guys in bars, all the while thinking it was completely harmless and i was just out talking to people. I was very open with my boyfriend about all of this and he had no problems with it. Well, one thing led to another and i ended up cheating on my him several times. I realized after the fact (and after we eventually broke up) that our relationship was missing the fun and excitement and passion that i was so obviously looking for when i would go out without him. Everything you've said here reminds me of me back then. Please don't try and justify that you're only doing harmless flirting, and that you are just looking for some fun. And to say that you may have sexual feelings for this other guy is a big sign of something being wrong in your current relationship with your DH.
I just want you to be aware of the 'warning signs' that you seem to be having. Really look at your relationship with your DH and think about if you can truly see yourself being happy and passionate with him in the future. Don't think that just because you've been together for so long that you have to get married. Being married won't make you 'feel' any differently about the relationship or make it any better. It is possible to be friends with guys, but if you're doing it to get attention, then its for the wrong reasons and you need to look at your own relationship.
I hope i haven't offended you, i just want to make sure that you don't make a mistake.
RVCBride
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Personally, IMHO you are playing with fire.
mtdr1106
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i think you are totally normal. so what? - you went for drinks with a coworker who you think is hot. he tried to kiss you - and you rejected him.
i think you must have a very 'open' relationship with your fh. i tell my fh EVERYTHING and ANYTHING ( i love to talk) so when i do something that i think may even be slightly off colored i feel like i did something terrible. now if you find yourself wanting to keep seeing this co-worker then i think you got yourself a problem.
but you had a choice last night and you made the one to be faithful to your FH. and now you are feeling bad about it - which to me proves you love him. and honestly - i think the only thing you can do is 'get over it' - you didn't cheat - just pay attention to your actions a little more closely next time.
