I NEED OPINIONS!!! LOTS OF OPINIONS!!!!!

OK... so for about 60 - 80 guests... with food and beer, wine, and soda....what is an average price per bridesmaid?

My MOH wrote an email to the BP and asked for between $250 to $325 per girl for the shower (this price includes tax and grat). One girl said she can't afford it. But this one girl also just came back from Florida and tends to be on the shiesty side when it comes to money and being a little bit of a grubber if you know what I mean.

MOH is paying for the invitations, decorations, favors and cake herself. She's just asking them to contribute to the pp charges.

I told MOH to ask her what she can contribute... and if anything I will throw in what she is missing. I don't want anyone to be screwed over bc of this one girl. Also, a long time friend who is doing a reading offered to contribute to EVERYTHING but she isn't in the BP. In hindsight I realize she should have been in it over some of the other girls I picked and it's too late to add her. Plus... I already have one more girl than guy.

What are your thoughts? Is this a lot to contribute or is MOH being reasonable? You can be honest. I don't know what to think of it yet. I'm kinda feeling like the $250 is ok but the $325 might be pushing it a little bit, but im not positive. On the flip side.. I have spent WAYYYY more than that on gifts for my friends for their birthdays throuhout the years when they never spent half as much on me. I even threw one girl a surprise party for A LOT of people and paid for it all by myself.

EDIT TO ADD: I DID NOT MAKE THE GUEST LIST, NOR DID FMIL OR MY MOTHER. WE HAVE ZERO TO DO WITH THAT PART. MOH MADE THE GUEST LIST. I DO NOT KNOW WHO IS ON IT. I NEVER SAID TO DO IT IN A RESTAURANT, AND I HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLANNING OF IT!!!! I suggested ways to make it less expensive but I was shot down.

Now my MOH is freaking out!

This is the text she just sent me...

'all i know is i will never be in a wedding again and I will never have a wedding cuz this is just bullsh*t... I have to cancel my vacation cus i have to pay for all this **** and she got to go away and i can take my plane ticket money to make up for her'.

this is AFTER I told her that I will contribute whatever this girl doesnt contribute.
my response was this:
'i said i would throw in for whatever she doesnt. you dont have to do that. im sorry. i dont know what to tell you. through the years ive always spent wayyyyy more money on other peoples gifts than they really ever spent on me and i never complained once. so in my eyes no one should be complaining.'

she responded with this:
'honestly im just disgusted by this whole situation and im going to study now cus thats what i need to focus on'.

Everytime I hear from her... she is complaining about something. i give her the fix and she complains more and kinda insults me in the process.

At this point i dont want ANYTHING from ANYONE!

I think my FMIL and mom both kicked in a little bit as well. Are they helping with it?

I've paid up to $300 for my part of a shower before. That's not an unreasonable thing to ask for.

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Posted by mlcvln129

I think my FMIL and mom both kicked in a little bit as well. Are they helping with it?

I've paid up to $300 for my part of a shower before. That's not an unreasonable thing to ask for.

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I don't know about FMIL or my mother contributing. My mother really doesn't have it. And my grandmother is paying for the reception. FMIL - IDK about either.

honestly no one should be telling yo uthis kind of stuff. it will make you feel bad. they need to work it out themselves. this is what happned with my bachlorette party, hence , i canceled it, it just got too out of control...

try to seperate yourself an stay out of it TRUST ME!!!

it will just snowball to mkae more and more drama

Thats an average cost. Obviously it varies based on how many girls you have, but we just did a shower and it cost each BM around that...

Cut your MOH some slack and don't correspond thru texts. Its really hard to try to keep everyone in line and to ask people for money...and its frustrating, theres a ton of back and forth and lots of logistics to work out. I understand her frustration and as much as you never want to vent to the bride, sometimes it just boils over.

It will all work out

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Posted by chicky724

In every BP I've been in we just bought gifts and didn't help pay for the shower. But the last wedding I was in I def spent more than $250 on a gift. I would say anything under $300 is ok.

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Thank You!
I'm just upset about the one girl... and I totally understand MOH being upset about that... but does she really have to throw it in my face all the time that she is spending money on the wedding and how much bullsh*t weddings are and how shes never having one and never being in one again and all this crap. She also claims that she isn't going away because of my wedding but she told me another reason she wasnt going away the other day... so i know the real reason.. and i wont put her on full blast yet about that... but dont claim its one thing when it isnt just to have something to ***** about when its convenient!
BTW - MOH is the one I threw the surprise party for and paid for it all myself. Not only did I pay for it but it was a lot of work too because I did it in my house for at least 45 people!!!! so all the cleaning before and after the party and setting up and all that crap.

I think some people just like to have something to complain about. even when a problem arises where theres a fix for it.. she wont ever focus on that.. instead she harps on the problem and bitching ab out the problem rather than focus on fixing it and creating a good end result! you cant go through life b*tching and complaining all the time. FH is fed up with her too... he wants to have a talk with her about her attitude lately.

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Posted by KittyGags

Thats an average cost. Obviously it varies based on how many girls you have, but we just did a shower and it cost each BM around that...

Cut your MOH some slack and don't correspond thru texts. Its really hard to try to keep everyone in line and to ask people for money...and its frustrating, theres a ton of back and forth and lots of logistics to work out. I understand her frustration and as much as you never want to vent to the bride, sometimes it just boils over.

It will all work out

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she was texting me so i just responded to it. i know its frusterating to work with all those problems... i really understand that. i get that it can be worrysome to book a place and have to count on numerous other people to give you money for it. i really get it and i truly understand it. my problem isnt that she gets frusterated with that part of it. my problem is when she starts b*tching about other stuff IMMEDIATELY to me! and starts saying things that she REALLY shouldn't be saying to me... and throwing things in my face. I've NEVER done that to her! I never threw the party i threw for her in her face. I never b*tched about how many hundreds of dollars I spent on that party or her in general. She doesn't wait for it to boil over to vent to me... she IMMEDIATELY comes to me, not with a problem but b*tching about something... within seconds. And not only that but I stay calm and offer advice and an answer to the situation and instead of trying to fix it... she starts throwing how much money she has to spend on me in my face. That's where I get upset with her. Like I said earlier.. when a problem arises, you try to fix it and not make it worse... and you sure don't try to insult innocent people in the process just becuase you are feeling angry!
Even my first post... I was nice about it... I said I will pay for whatver the other girl can't contribute so no one gets screwed over. I told her the same thing. so rather than that being comforting for her.. she decides to then tell me that she had to cancel her vacation because of my wedding and about how much money she is throwing away for it and she's actually said 'because you decided to get married i have to spend money' to me before. At that rate what makes her any better than the girl who just came back from Florida and says she can't contribute that much money?

that is the one thing i hate about having a bridal party..everything seems to be about money

i think 335 is a lot....IMO
My girls would rip me a new one...
the moms are paying for my shower and girls are just chipping in for decorations and games i think

BUT i will say I would be very hurt if my MOH spoke to me like that
I think when your in the bridal party..it is kind of your job to make sure the bride is having a great experience and you may have to bite your tounge
every now and then

I would let it go for the night ..don't get too upset or stressed..and talk about it tomorrow

do you have a family member who could contribute...cause it also sticks to pay towards your own shower

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Posted by azailia

honestly no one should be telling yo uthis kind of stuff. it will make you feel bad. they need to work it out themselves. this is what happned with my bachlorette party, hence , i canceled it, it just got too out of control...

try to seperate yourself an stay out of it TRUST ME!!!

it will just snowball to mkae more and more drama

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I kinda agree with you. i feel like she is saying a lot of things i would NEVER say to someone!
The worst part is she doesn't even try to work it out herself. Instead she comes straight to me!! Like immediately. about a month ago she sent out emails to the girls about stuff. when no one responded that same day (within hours) she started b*tching to me about it. I told her... send them a text a lot of them dont check their emails that often so if they dont know its there then they wont check. she says ok.. but that she will wait it out longer. then she continues to b*tch about it... so i keep saying tell them to check their email! so 4 weeks go by!! yes 4 weeks go by and now she decides to send that text today! and what do you know?? that one girl responds that its too much money for her... and then what happens immediately after that??? i start getting the texts from MOH!

girls with no BP... YOU ARE BRILLIANT! I wish I had a VERY SMALL BP!!!!

Why is it that I can plan a whole wedding by myself and not have even a quarter of the problems and things to b*tch about that MOH has?

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Posted by jenandmatt2009

that is the one thing i hate about having a bridal party..everything seems to be about money

i think 335 is a lot....IMO
My girls would rip me a new one...
the moms are paying for my shower and girls are just chipping in for decorations and games i think

BUT i will say I would be very hurt if my MOH spoke to me like that
I think when your in the bridal party..it is kind of your job to make sure the bride is having a great experience and you may have to bite your tounge
every now and then

I would let it go for the night ..don't get too upset or stressed..and talk about it tomorrow

do you have a family member who could contribute...cause it also sticks to pay towards your own shower

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yea but they are all for the money when it's gifts coming their way. But dont get me wrong.. i have some girls who have been AMAZING throughout it! one in particular!
It's 325 not 335, not that that makes a huge difference. But its not even 325 its a range from 250 to 325. i think the 250 is reasonable. the 325 is pushing it. I dont know that I would say outrageous or anything but its def pushing it... i think.
i dont think i have any family members who can contribute. i have 8 girls in the bp all together. it would stink to have to contribute to my own shower esp when i really have done a lot for a lot of these girls through the years. but i supposed... lke everyone always says.. you find out your true friends through this process. now im beginning to find out!

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Posted by azailia

honestly no one should be telling yo uthis kind of stuff. it will make you feel bad. they need to work it out themselves. this is what happned with my bachlorette party, hence , i canceled it, it just got too out of control...

try to seperate yourself an stay out of it TRUST ME!!!

it will just snowball to mkae more and more drama

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and i HAVE to say.. I feel soooo awful that you had to cancel the bachlorette party becuase your friends were unwilling or unable to come together on your behalf and do something nice for you. that's awful! its shameful! Im sorry to hear that!

I have a sad feeling my crap may just turn out to be like yours.

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by azailia

honestly no one should be telling yo uthis kind of stuff. it will make you feel bad. they need to work it out themselves. this is what happned with my bachlorette party, hence , i canceled it, it just got too out of control...

try to seperate yourself an stay out of it TRUST ME!!!

it will just snowball to mkae more and more drama

---

and i HAVE to say.. I feel soooo awful that you had to cancel the bachlorette party becuase your friends were unwilling or unable to come together on your behalf and do something nice for you. that's awful! its shameful! Im sorry to hear that!

I have a sad feeling my crap may just turn out to be like yours.

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tthat's why you need to set things straight NOW!!!! tell them to leave you alone!!!

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Posted by azailia

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by azailia

honestly no one should be telling yo uthis kind of stuff. it will make you feel bad. they need to work it out themselves. this is what happned with my bachlorette party, hence , i canceled it, it just got too out of control...

try to seperate yourself an stay out of it TRUST ME!!!

it will just snowball to mkae more and more drama

---

and i HAVE to say.. I feel soooo awful that you had to cancel the bachlorette party becuase your friends were unwilling or unable to come together on your behalf and do something nice for you. that's awful! its shameful! Im sorry to hear that!

I have a sad feeling my crap may just turn out to be like yours.

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tthat's why you need to set things straight NOW!!!! tell them to leave you alone!!!

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when she was going on and one for the 4 weeks about the girls not responding to her email... i told her to work it out with them and if that didnt help to let me know then i would step in. but im not going to get involved at every corner and every second something goes slightly awray (spelling issues). she should just use me to contact them or whatever when its ABSOLUTELY necessary. but that probably went in one ear and out the other. What else should i say to her? Another BM knows about all this now.. and she's pretty pissed at MOH for saying this crap to me. IDK. this is gonna be messy! Gray Goose will help me through it! hahaha! VODKA! Who doesn't love vodka, esp at a time like this! haha!

I said that I really understand what its like to plan things and have to worry about people paying and all.. because i have planned EVERY SINGLE vacation my friends have ever gone on as a group for the past 10 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I really understand it. I know what its like!

60 -80 people for a bridal shower is alot. I've never been to one that big. I bet its alot of money per girl. Considering the other costs that bridesmaids have to incur:

dress
shoes
jewelry
handbag
hair
make-up
showers
shower gift
bachelorett party
wedding gift

I think expecting them to put up $250 to $325 each is too much. When I was MOH, the brides mom paid for everything except the decorations, favors and a few small things. I realize that the BM's usually contribute more than that but this is too much IMO, especially in this economy.

Can you possibly cut down the list to something more managable?

have the invites gone out yet?? is it possible to cut the list at all? IMO 60-80 ppl is alot, but i dont know your guest list so it may not be...i wouldnt mind chipping in 250, but anything over that, including my dress, shoes, etc.etc, i wouldnt be happy...of course, i would still put in whatever money is necessary