I NEED OPINIONS!!! LOTS OF OPINIONS!!!!!

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Posted by Juhgail

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Posted by leeserd

60 -80 people for a bridal shower is alot. I've never been to one that big. I bet its alot of money per girl. Considering the other costs that bridesmaids have to incur:

dress
shoes
jewelry
handbag
hair
make-up
showers
shower gift
bachelorett party
wedding gift

I think expecting them to put up $250 to $325 each is too much. When I was MOH, the brides mom paid for everything except the decorations, favors and a few small things. I realize that the BM's usually contribute more than that but this is too much IMO, especially in this economy.

Can you possibly cut down the list to something more managable?

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ITA. I think its just too much to ask them to pay that much for a shower on top of everything else. 60-80 people at a shower is a LOT of people. maybe you can cut the list down. Maybe they can do a really nice event at someones house and NOT a restaurant?

My MOH just lost her job, and one does not get paid for the summer, and the other pays $1200 a month Cobra. I DO want a shower but I also want one that wont put them in the poor house. I made sure they knew that it didnt have to be fancy at a restaurant. I just wanted my friends there to enjoy the day with.

HTH

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It's not my guest list. I DON'T KNOW who is on it. I suggested things to MOH but they get shot down. I suggested doing it on another BM yard and MOH said no bc she doesn't have a car.

I just got 7 texts from MOH this morning. MORE OF THE SAME! About how 5 girls haven't responded to the email she sent yesterday and how no one is an adult or mature enough to save money. These were also the texts where she said she couldn't do it at the BM yard because she doesn't have a car and she hasn't offered that yet. But I KNOW she would do it because she likes to do those things. IDK what to do anymore. At this point I don't want a shower or a bachlorette party. I don't want any of it. I don't want people to put themselves out for me. THough I HAVE ALWAYS been the one to plan EVERY SINGLE VACATION and pretty much all of the BIRTHDAY EVENTS for my friends and I HAVE ALWAYS put myself out for them. I have bought 13 tickets to shows for a big group of friends then had to deal with collecting all their money. I have done hotel blocks for rooms for them. I have ORGANIZED pretty much every single party or event for most of them and this is what i get in return? It's not right. If I wasn't a good friend to them throughout the past few years I could understand but that's sooooo not the case. And please don't think it's all the girls. It soooo isn't. The MAIN one I am having a problem with right now is MOH. Not even the girl who can't afford it. Granted it's crummy to say you can't afford something when you just came back from a vacation you took on a whim but whatever. You can't afford it you can't afford it. I offered to make up for her missing money. My PROBLEM is with MOH and her b*tching about it every second to me. Then when I offer solutions she rejects or ignores them and continues to b!tch about it some more.

All I know is if I were in a BP I soooooo wouldn't be acting like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some of the things that I have been told are just soooo far off from what anyone should have to hear. IT'S RUDE RUDE RUDE!!!!! She's telling me how all this sh*t is ruining her week. CALL THEM instead of emailing them!!!!! How about that?!!?!? That's what I would do! Talk to them.

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Posted by KerriJohnS

Now my MOH is freaking out!

This is the text she just sent me...

'all i know is i will never be in a wedding again and I will never have a wedding cuz this is just bullsh*t... I have to cancel my vacation cus i have to pay for all this **** and she got to go away and i can take my plane ticket money to make up for her'.

this is AFTER I told her that I will contribute whatever this girl doesnt contribute.
my response was this:
'i said i would throw in for whatever she doesnt. you dont have to do that. im sorry. i dont know what to tell you. through the years ive always spent wayyyyy more money on other peoples gifts than they really ever spent on me and i never complained once. so in my eyes no one should be complaining.'

she responded with this:
'honestly im just disgusted by this whole situation and im going to study now cus thats what i need to focus on'.

Everytime I hear from her... she is complaining about something. i give her the fix and she complains more and kinda insults me in the process.

At this point i dont want ANYTHING from ANYONE!

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Okay, I dont think that your MOH should be sending you these texts its not your fault and honestly, she should probably have went over the amount to contribute after the guest list was final and before the invites when out so that everyone was okay with the price ... that said 250 I think is fine, anything more is pushing it because they also have to get you a gift.

my mom and MOH (sis) paid for the showers themselves ... my BP just chipped in and got me my some pieces of my china

I know that the planning of my shower frayed some relationships because of the cost. But if you didn't mak the guest list and you didn't pick the place I wouldn't worry about it.

I would say that asking a bridesmaid to pay $325 is a lot- but when you are a bridesmaid you have to expect to pay for a lot of stuff. It is always difficult when money is involved.

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Posted by BunnyBride

I think that is way to much money. I would talk to your mom and MIL about cutting down the guest list.

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HAHA they have NOTHING to do with ANY of it. They didn't make the guest list. I didn't make the guest list. MOH made the guest list for it! I don't even know who is on the guest list.

My mother and FMIL don't know ANYTHING at ALL about ANY of this! I don't even know if they are aware that the planning is going on. I told MOH to get them involved just incase FMIL or anyone else migth be able to help pay for it. But she didn't do that.

Hi, Kerri!

I just want to say that I am SO sorry you're dealing w/ all of this! I know all too well what its like to have the planning of your shower be a complete nightmare! I pray for your sake that the day of your shower goes smoothly and everyone behaves... sadly, my shower day was a horror show and I will never forget it.

My MOH and one other BM were really hard up for money so they ended up having it at my SIL's house (well, FSIL at the time). SIL is loaded (although she says she isn't) and she was claiming she was doing her best to keep everyone's costs down, but it wasn't really working. SIL pretty much ended up taking over the planning of my shower, and my MOH and her were fighting so much, SIL was gonna uninvite her to the shower!! I knew stuff was going on, but for the most part, it was kept from me until the day OF the shower. As I said, it was a horror. SIL ended up asking for $200 from my MOH and other BM, but she paid a LOT more than that. The day of the shower, they ran out of a few things and had to run out and buy more, so it bumped the cost to $240 each. Well, MOH and BM refused to pay her. It was a nightmare. Basically, all of this came out after my shower, and I spent about 10 days not eating or sleeping, and living on Xanax b/c my MOH still refused to pay her the money, which would make it all go away (which is what I wanted!!!). I had told them all from the beginning that if they weren't gonna be able to do this nicely and get along, then I DID NOT WANT A SHOWER! They didn't listen and it ended up being something that I will never forget.

Anyway, sorry to burden you with my long story, but I think you should tell them all that you want nothing to do with this. Tell your MOH that if she didnt want to foot the bill for everything, then she shouldn't have offered, and they should've cut costs better. Most importantly, tell them all to LEAVE YOU OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know what you're going thru and if you ever want to talk or vent, feel free to FM!!!

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Posted by RisiLeigh

Hi, Kerri!

I just want to say that I am SO sorry you're dealing w/ all of this! I know all too well what its like to have the planning of your shower be a complete nightmare! I pray for your sake that the day of your shower goes smoothly and everyone behaves... sadly, my shower day was a horror show and I will never forget it.

My MOH and one other BM were really hard up for money so they ended up having it at my SIL's house (well, FSIL at the time). SIL is loaded (although she says she isn't) and she was claiming she was doing her best to keep everyone's costs down, but it wasn't really working. SIL pretty much ended up taking over the planning of my shower, and my MOH and her were fighting so much, SIL was gonna uninvite her to the shower!! I knew stuff was going on, but for the most part, it was kept from me until the day OF the shower. As I said, it was a horror. SIL ended up asking for $200 from my MOH and other BM, but she paid a LOT more than that. The day of the shower, they ran out of a few things and had to run out and buy more, so it bumped the cost to $240 each. Well, MOH and BM refused to pay her. It was a nightmare. Basically, all of this came out after my shower, and I spent about 10 days not eating or sleeping, and living on Xanax b/c my MOH still refused to pay her the money, which would make it all go away (which is what I wanted!!!). I had told them all from the beginning that if they weren't gonna be able to do this nicely and get along, then I DID NOT WANT A SHOWER! They didn't listen and it ended up being something that I will never forget.

Anyway, sorry to burden you with my long story, but I think you should tell them all that you want nothing to do with this. Tell your MOH that if she didnt want to foot the bill for everything, then she shouldn't have offered, and they should've cut costs better. Most importantly, tell them all to LEAVE YOU OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know what you're going thru and if you ever want to talk or vent, feel free to FM!!!

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First!!!
THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR THAT!!!!!! I TOTALLY understand!!!! It's pretty much what I am going through right now. Only the supposed shower isn't supposed to take place until September. nothing is booked yet. No invites were made or sent out. THis is still in the ABSOLUTE very beginning of the planning process and already I've heard so many awful things from MOH about it.

Actually to be 100% perfectly honest... the negative comments started coming from MOH in like January of 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's just getting much worse now! I couldn't stand it before but it wasn't involving the shower specifically per se... but it did involve all the wedding things as a group.

i'll never be on board with doing something nice for someone then throwing it in their face! I'm talking specifically about the texts I've been getting. That's like buying someone a birthday gift and then complaining to that person about spending money on them becuase it's their birthday and how it inconveniences them (when they decided on waht gift to get and how much it would cost)! WHO WOULD DO THAT??!?!?! if you want to do something nice for someone then do something nice from your heart and don't throw it in their face. Every single chance she gets she is saying how she is spending so much money on me and how she has no money to spend and it's my fault that I have to be getting married! I never asked her to spend X amount on me! I never asked for any of that. Yes being in a wedding does cost money.... but you said yes so why complain in this manner to the person?? I still find it to be incredibly rude!
I threw MOH a surprise bday party last year... she knew NOTHING of it (I kept it all a total secret from her.... kinda like the way a SURPRISE shower is SUPPOSED to be!)! Does that mean that it wasn't stressful at times and that I didn't have a lot to do to prepare and that I didn't spend a lot of money? NO, of course it was stressful at times and of course it was pricey for one person to pay... but at the same time I planned it and I made the decisions to do it and MOST OF ALL... I WASN'T DOING IT TO HAVE SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT... I was doing it jsut to do a really nice sweet gesture for soemone who never had anything like that done for them before. I wanted it to be special for her! Not even to get credit for it! And then after the party... did I go run and tell her about ANY of the problems I might have encountered? NO! Did I run to tell her about how much it cost me? NO! Did i complain to her about what i had to give up in an effort to be able to come up with the money for it? NO!! Because that's NOT why you do something nice for someone! WHY IS SHE CONSTANTLY TELLING ME ABOUT ALL THIS EVEN BEFORE THE EVENT? OR BETTER YET, EVEN BEFORE THE EVENT HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY PLANNED? OR EVEN BETTER YET, AT THE VERY FIRST STAGES OF STARTING TO PLAN IT?

Thank you for listening! I have afeeling this is only going to get much worse! ANd so I just might be bothering youvia FM from time to time!!

HAHA!! THanks again!!!

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

Kerri! I'm so sorry that you are being informed of this drama! Not cool at all.

With that said....I think $250 is too much for a bridesmaid to contribute to the shower. I've never been to a shower where the bridesmaids had to contribute anything significant....now, I know it's not an option for you but then girls should do what they can afford. Someone's home with signature drinks and finger foods or whatever.

I asked my girls to contribute $30 towards games. That's it, it's just not the time to ask that much of people...that's just my opinion. I don't think I could ever ask that regardless of the economy.

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I have to say I also have never had to contribute 250 for a shower. I've contributed on average 75-125 for the shower alone.

Kerri is this including everything, or just the 250 amount for the shower?