I NEED OPINIONS!!! LOTS OF OPINIONS!!!!!

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Posted by leeserd

60 -80 people for a bridal show is alot. I've never been to one that big. I bet its alot. Considering the other costs that bridesmaids have to incur:

dress
shoes
jewelry
handbag
hair
make-up
showers
shower gift
bachelorett party
wedding gift

I personally think expecting them to put up $250 to $325 each is too much. When I was MOH, the brides mom paid for everything except the decorations, favors and a few small things. I realize that the BM's usually contribute more than that but this is way too much IMO, especially in this economy.

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My girls arent buying handbags (haha the thought of that actually amuses me.. i cant even picture it) and they most likely arent getting their makeup done. the jewelry i am buying for them. and the dresses will most likely be from a discount dress store (hoping for RK bridal to have dresses for them!). they can wear any shoes... they can even go to payless for them for all i care.

so they are left with their dress (which might be about 150 - and knowing most of my friends they would have to buy a dress regardless of being in the bp or not), shoes (which they can select so they choose how they spend that) and their hair along with the shower and bachlorette party.
As far as the gifts go... I mean in the BP or not.. the gift would still be a charge and I shouldnt feel bad that someone has to buy a gift when they come to my wedding or another wedding related party.

i understand that weddings cost a lot of money.. but that's why we ASK if they want to be in the wedding party. If they dont have the funds or just dont feel like contributing to things then there's always another option... they can say NO to being in the BP and I would totally understand.

I dont know who is on the guest list.. i really dont have anything to do with the planning of the shower.. i just get to hear the negative stuff. I'm not asking anyone to contribute or pay for ALL those items on your list.

my mother can't chip in for any of that... and they ALL know that. so that's not an option for me. I dont have that to fall back on. Where it is sweet when parents can contribute like that... i just dont have that luxury. I didn't give a list of guests. I never said 60 to 80 people. i dont even know who is on that list. It's probably A LOT of friends and im sure it's over shooting it as well.i agree 80 people sounds like an awful lot.

i still think 250 is reasonable for that party. i would so pay that for any of my girls. and so far the ONE girl who has the problem with that just came back from a trip she took to florida on a whim. so you cant tell me that someone who just came back from a vacation didnt just spend the money she could have spent on this to go on a vacation out of the blue. also, know that i asked her to be in the bp in like Feb of 2008!!! so she's known about that for a while now. she still lives with her mom. and i get that she has her own bills and things but if she just saved 50 dollars 5 times throughout the past 16 months she would have had that money! that's not a lot when you think about the time span. i gave her an approximate on the amount for the dress and she said that was fine. IDK about the bachlorette party though... im not planning that either.

my problem is less with the girl who cant afford it... its more with how my MOH is handling things and lashing out on me. I said I would chip in for that one girl if she can't do it. I mean im kinda strapped too... but I can save some money here and there to make up for where she is lacking.

if someone asked me to be in their BP, I would know that it came along with costing money and I would start to save some money here and there for it. thats how you do it.

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Posted by ddnsp618

have the invites gone out yet?? is it possible to cut the list at all? IMO 60-80 ppl is alot, but i dont know your guest list so it may not be...i wouldnt mind chipping in 250, but anything over that, including my dress, shoes, etc.etc, i wouldnt be happy...of course, i would still put in whatever money is necessary

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i have no idea who is on this guest list. i wasnt involved in any aspect of that. im sure it can be cut down. my wedding list has about 250 guests on it (but those are guys and also guests too... so when you really take that out and leave just some of the women.... i dont even know what that number comes to but im sure there are people that can be cut out).

the invites havent gone out yet. nothing is even booked yet.

I had the SAME situation, but found out about it after my shower. I guess there is always one in the group.

Honestly I do not think that is a bad price at all.

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Posted by IrishBrideASmiling

I had the SAME situation, but found out about it after my shower. I guess there is always one in the group.

Honestly I do not think that is a bad price at all.

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Its nice that you found out about it after the shower! they kept it from you to keep you happy. that is sweet of them to think of you and take that into consideration.

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by IrishBrideASmiling

I had the SAME situation, but found out about it after my shower. I guess there is always one in the group.

Honestly I do not think that is a bad price at all.

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Its nice that you found out about it after the shower! they kept it from you to keep you happy. that is sweet of them to think of you and take that into consideration.

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Well I knew something was up bc one of my BM was being quiet and not doing much at the shower. I found out literally right when I got home. I felt like crap that my BM felt like it was too much for her to spend, but then again she didnt bother picking up the phone and telling anyone else that so they could shop around.

Its over now and my wonderful memories of my shower are now clouded with guilt that my BM thought $275 per BM was too much to pay.

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Posted by IrishBrideASmiling

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by IrishBrideASmiling

I had the SAME situation, but found out about it after my shower. I guess there is always one in the group.

Honestly I do not think that is a bad price at all.

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Its nice that you found out about it after the shower! they kept it from you to keep you happy. that is sweet of them to think of you and take that into consideration.

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Well I knew something was up bc one of my BM was being quiet and not doing much at the shower. I found out literally right when I got home. I felt like crap that my BM felt like it was too much for her to spend, but then again she didnt bother picking up the phone and telling anyone else that so they could shop around.

Its over now and my wonderful memories of my shower are now clouded with guilt that my BM thought $275 per BM was too much to pay.

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So she paid for it in the end and just thought it was too much so she sulked the whole time? How adult like of her! haha! did she tell the MOH or anyone else? Im sorry about your shower memories being clouded by that incident.

I really understand people being strapped for cash and just not having it. but if that person also just went on vacation and crys poverty then it makes you go... when i said my mother doesnt have money to contribute... that doesnt mean she is going on any sort of vacations either. haha!

i just dont like any of this situation. and i feel like its too early in the game of planning it for me to know about the details. especially in this manner.

FH is going to talk to MOH.

to you Kerri!

Ok - before getting engaged, I was truly a professional BM. Every single one of my friends was married before I even met FH - so I have thrown 4 showers and been somehow involved in 3 others.

Here's what I thnk. You MOH is a little bit out of line. First of all, she should NEVER complain to you about anything regarding your wedding unless you are clearly being an unreasonable
b!tch which is not the case.

Anytime I was involved with shower planning, each BM figured out what they could or couldn't afford to contribute, with no one to be made to feel guilty if they can't contribute as much. Once the approximate amount of money there is to spend on the shower is figured out, then the MOH can start planning. There are so many ways to still have a nice shower and not need to do a huge luncheon! One of the best showers I was ever a guest at was a brunch (yummy french toast at a shower - my favorite thing). I wasn't involved in planning that one, but it was great and was so much cheaper than doing a lunch. Also, they could rent a hall instead of doing it at a restaurant or have it at someone's house. There are a lot of options.

She didn't need to complain about it and I *almost* can understand if some of the other BMs got upset with her if she just asked them for $$ without having any firm details.

Please don't let this get to you!

I think it is really inconsiderate that your MOH is telling you about all of the drama. I have planned 2 bridal showers each with their own share of drama and I would never put the bride in the middle of it-JMO
Is it possible for your BP to cut the guest list- I think 60-80 people for a shower is a lot- I have over 300 guests for my wedding but only my closest friends and family were invited to the shower. I know the average price per person is probably around $30+ Asking the BM to contribute to cover the expense is fair but the girls should have discussed a budget before choosing a venue. There are less expensive options. My Mom is hosting my shower in her backyard b/c of the expense. I do not know the details b/c it is a surprise but I know that is what my mom and MOH agreed on to cut costs.
It really stinks that you have to deal with this stress on top of planning the wedding.

Kerri! I'm so sorry that you are being informed of this drama! Not cool at all.

With that said....I think $250 is too much for a bridesmaid to contribute to the shower. I've never been to a shower where the bridesmaids had to contribute anything significant....now, I know it's not an option for you but then girls should do what they can afford. Someone's home with signature drinks and finger foods or whatever.

I asked my girls to contribute $30 towards games. That's it, it's just not the time to ask that much of people...that's just my opinion. I don't think I could ever ask that regardless of the economy.

Sorry you're going through this and have to be involved with financial details and listen to people complain. I agree with some of the other girls that maybe you can try to cut the guest list b/c it is pretty high for a party being paid for by BMs. I think if the situation calls for friends paying, certain cut backs on the guest list and overall cost probably need to be made.

Good luck!

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Posted by leeserd

60 -80 people for a bridal shower is alot. I've never been to one that big. I bet its alot of money per girl. Considering the other costs that bridesmaids have to incur:

dress
shoes
jewelry
handbag
hair
make-up
showers
shower gift
bachelorett party
wedding gift

I think expecting them to put up $250 to $325 each is too much. When I was MOH, the brides mom paid for everything except the decorations, favors and a few small things. I realize that the BM's usually contribute more than that but this is too much IMO, especially in this economy.

Can you possibly cut down the list to something more managable?

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ITA. I think its just too much to ask them to pay that much for a shower on top of everything else. 60-80 people at a shower is a LOT of people. maybe you can cut the list down. Maybe they can do a really nice event at someones house and NOT a restaurant?

My MOH just lost her job, and one does not get paid for the summer, and the other pays $1200 a month Cobra. I DO want a shower but I also want one that wont put them in the poor house. I made sure they knew that it didnt have to be fancy at a restaurant. I just wanted my friends there to enjoy the day with.

HTH

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Posted by azailia

honestly no one should be telling yo uthis kind of stuff. it will make you feel bad. they need to work it out themselves. this is what happned with my bachlorette party, hence , i canceled it, it just got too out of control...

try to seperate yourself an stay out of it TRUST ME!!!

it will just snowball to mkae more and more drama

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ita...im so sorry u r going through this kerrri..this totally suc ks...i think u should just tell ur moh that this is starting to get crazy and that u r feeling really sh!tty..try to have everyone come up with somekind of solution..and i think under 300 is good for the bp

So I totally do not think that it is a lot to ask for. The BP is supposed to pay for the shower. It is nice when moms chip in or pay for it but it doesn't always happen. I also don't think that 60-80 people is too much... my FH and I have large families and my list is at 75. It is hard to cut because somebody is going to feel hurt or left out.

If the girls don't want to spend that much money, they should get together and come up with a cheaper alternative. They could find a less expensive pp place, maybe plan it for August/Sept and do it outdoors.. there are a lot of options.

You should never have been involved in these discussions or debates. These girls are adults and should be able to sort things out on their own. If said it a few times and I'll say it again, until people get married or plan a wedding, they have no idea what it entails and how important these days are.

Try not to let it bring you down!

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Posted by ddnsp618

have the invites gone out yet?? is it possible to cut the list at all? IMO 60-80 ppl is alot, but i dont know your guest list so it may not be...i wouldnt mind chipping in 250, but anything over that, including my dress, shoes, etc.etc, i wouldnt be happy...of course, i would still put in whatever money is necessary

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I totally agree with this about the size of the party ...true when they agreed to be in the bp they should have known there would be costs but I bet they weren't counting on hosting a HUGE bridal shower.

Do you know where your MOH was planning on having it? Maybe she needs to pick a more reasonable place.

Are you counting on the shower being the 'gift' from them or are they additionally buying you presents?

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Posted by MrsDtoBe09

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Posted by ddnsp618

have the invites gone out yet?? is it possible to cut the list at all? IMO 60-80 ppl is alot, but i dont know your guest list so it may not be...i wouldnt mind chipping in 250, but anything over that, including my dress, shoes, etc.etc, i wouldnt be happy...of course, i would still put in whatever money is necessary

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I totally agree with this about the size of the party ...true when they agreed to be in the bp they should have known there would be costs but I bet they weren't counting on hosting a HUGE bridal shower.

Do you know where your MOH was planning on having it? Maybe she needs to pick a more reasonable place.

Are you counting on the shower being the 'gift' from them or are they additionally buying you presents?

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I'm NOT counting on anything. I DON'T even know who is on the guest list. I NEVER wrote one out. I suggested doing it on one of the BM backyards and I sooo know she would be cool with it... but MOH said NO because she doesn't have a car. This is what I am dealing with. NONE of it makes any sense. MOH is all upset becuase she hasn't heard opinions on 5 of the 8 girls.... but the 2nd email and text was only sent YESTERDAY morning... so give them some time.

I never said to throw me a party for 60 to 80 people. I never picked the place... I HAD ZERO to do with the planning.... all I get to hear about is the bad stuff... and honestly it's even too soon for her to be saying ALL of the things she is saying to me! How can you complain about people not responding to an email when it's ONLY been a few hours? Not everyone sits at a computer all day long and checks their email that often.

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Posted by kristen1226

So I totally do not think that it is a lot to ask for. The BP is supposed to pay for the shower. It is nice when moms chip in or pay for it but it doesn't always happen. I also don't think that 60-80 people is too much... my FH and I have large families and my list is at 75. It is hard to cut because somebody is going to feel hurt or left out.

If the girls don't want to spend that much money, they should get together and come up with a cheaper alternative. They could find a less expensive pp place, maybe plan it for August/Sept and do it outdoors.. there are a lot of options.

You should never have been involved in these discussions or debates. These girls are adults and should be able to sort things out on their own. If said it a few times and I'll say it again, until people get married or plan a wedding, they have no idea what it entails and how important these days are.

Try not to let it bring you down!

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Thank you so much for that!!
I don't think I should of been involved either, not unless it got to a point of desperation for her. AND I CERTAINLY don't think I should have to get b!tched out by MOH for the passed year and a half about her having to spend money on me! WHO DOES THAT???? I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT TO ANYONE NOR WOULD I EVER!! She is the one planning it... she could throw it on the street corner for all I care... or not even throw one at all.