As some of you know, I recently canceled my wedding [but FH and I are trying to wotk out our problems] and then was laid off from my job.
Well...my company has suggested that I apply for some open positions in Dallas and if I get one, they will pay for my relocation. I am seriously considering it, only FH will not go. He has a business here and said that unless I make 65k a year to support us both while he builds a business there, then he will not do it.
I make 50k and I think thats a pretty good salary to go to Dallas with. I am thinking of moving forward with applying even though he wont come. I keep thinking that maybe it will be a brand new start in a better direction for me.
Do you think I should do this? I love FH but I feel like I need to put my needs first for once.
rojerono
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
I think you ought to do it. I think that the time and space will give you perspective.
It may mean the end of your relationship - but canceling the wedding with less than a month to go may have meant that as well!
Go to Dallas, $50,000 will be WAY more than comfortable for you. You have given him the option to come - and he has given you the option to stay. Make the decision and see where it leads you.
You may hate it and miss him awfully and wind up coming back within a month. Or you may love it and realize that perhaps he is not the person you want to spend your life with.
Distance can give you a view of things that you haven't had before. Give that gift to yourself.
And good luck. You are in my thoughts.
ETA: There is no guarantee that you will even GET the position - but life has a way of giving you exactly what you need...
ali120206
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
You definitely should put your needs first! I'd say try Dallas. $50k goes a lot farther there than it does in NY. A change will do you good!
sr081906
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
Honestly.....If you go to Dallas, there is a good chance that your relationship will not survive.
IF you are OK with taking that chance, then yes, you probably will be fine financially in Dallas. It's much cheaper than NY.
I have the feeling that you want to apply and already know what the concequences would be for your relationship.
Follow what your gut feeling tells you.
Good luck!
superkat
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I live in Dallas so if you would like to ask any questions about it, please FM me!!
nbc188
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
If you think you would be able to handle the move emotionally (from family,etc.) I would definitely do it. A change of pace can really help you both work through things and look at your relationship in such different lights.
I say apply, then take it from there! Good luck!
AMGBride2008
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
Do it, do it, do it, do it!! (say it like a chant)
I think this is a great opportunity for you. Perhaps FH is all talk about not moving with you, but whether he is or not is the true test of how your future could be with him if you stay. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kitty1224
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
I think follow you should follow you gut like you did cancelling the wedding. It really depends on what is the best move for you. You can not hold yourself back from what you really want and what works best for you. If your career is important or if sticking around to see if your relationship will work. Don't forget that you might end up resenting him if you stay. I really can not answer that question for you, but I can tell you that I left my last relationship and it was very hard. I cared for him dearly, but the way we talked and treated each other was not good for me, so follow your heart and you can not go wrong. Do not hold on because you hope he will change because you cant change anyone, but yourself.
MrsD06
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
Why 65K? That seems like a random number to me. If we wants to move with you and be with you he will. But he wants to only if you make 65K in Dallas? Have you guys researched/discussed the cost of living there v. here? On that note, I say go for it. Also discuss this with him more. If you guys really want to be together (in the same location, I mean) you CAN find a way to make it work ...if neither one of you is willing to bend..I think that is telling you something. You know what I think about always listening to your gut!
October Bliss
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
Posted by alioop4282
Do you think I should do this? I love FH but I feel like I need to put my needs first for once.
IMO, you answered your own question.
snydl40
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
It is very important for you to take care of your needs right now. You should have the time needed for you to get your priorities in order.
You are #1 otherwise you won't be able to be a good partner for your guy.
Mooshyboo
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
Posted by sr081906
Honestly.....If you go to Dallas, there is a good chance that your relationship will not survive.
IF you are OK with taking that chance, then yes, you probably will be fine financially in Dallas. It's much cheaper than NY.
I have the feeling that you want to apply and already know what the concequences would be for your relationship.
Follow what your gut feeling tells you.
Good luck!
perfectly said ~ Good Luck!!!
betani
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
go for it. hey - you may not even get the position, but it's better knowing than thinking 'what if?' cross the bridge of 'should i go?' when you come to it. if i were you, i'd just let fh know you're planning on applying and if you get the job he's welcome to come with you. long distance relationships can work and sometimes have a way of strengthening those that are meant to work and making you realize when thing aren't meant to. either way, it'll probably be good for the both of you, but weigh the pros and cons and go with your gut.
and just so you know, $50,000 goes way farther in tx than in ny. me and fh are in austin for the year and we live on less than 1000 a month, including rent, gas, bills, internet, grocery shopping, and even eating out. it's a great place to save money and it's a pretty interesting place!
good luck!
alioop4282
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
Posted by betani
go for it. hey - you may not even get the position, but it's better knowing than thinking 'what if?' cross the bridge of 'should i go?' when you come to it. if i were you, i'd just let fh know you're planning on applying and if you get the job he's welcome to come with you. long distance relationships can work and sometimes have a way of strengthening those that are meant to work and making you realize when thing aren't meant to. either way, it'll probably be good for the both of you, but weigh the pros and cons and go with your gut.
and just so you know, $50,000 goes way farther in tx than in ny. me and fh are in austin for the year and we live on less than 1000 a month, including rent, gas, bills, internet, grocery shopping, and even eating out. it's a great place to save money and it's a pretty interesting place!
good luck!
Thanks. I LOVE Austin by the way. I think if the job was in Austin, my dog and I would be packed and ready to go right now!
LandsEnd06
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
I agree! Go for it! $50K goes very far in Dallas. Texas has no state income tax as well. That is a huge difference right there.
patticakes
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I do really think you should do it. I think it will be a welcome change.
sugarkube4
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
I think it sounds like a great opportunity and maybe it would be good for you to make this move.. The money you would make there would get you a LOT further than it would here..
Maybe this is just the kinda change you need.. I wish you nothing but the best!!!
thelastresort
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
Posted by October Bliss
Posted by alioop4282
Do you think I should do this? I love FH but I feel like I need to put my needs first for once.
IMO, you answered your own question.
I agree...I think you should do it...some times a change of scenery is all you need for there to be some clarity. Good luck!
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
50K will take you a long way in texas, its great opportunity, and might be what you need right now. Putting some distance between you and FH might be a good idea... The only thing is, would you be leaving all your friends and family as well? If so do you think you would be able to handle that? Its hard to make such a big move, but could also be a really great thing. Maybe it is a sign that they offered this to you.
daniebc16
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Re: I need opinions..Please help
Go! This is obviously a time in your life when you need to think about YOU. If he does not want to go with you, then you know you made the right decision not to get married. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but if it is true love, you will be together, but do not sacrafice your own happiness, and your own dreams for someone who you are not 100% sure you are going to be with. GOOD LUCK
