I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

I am sensing that she is not interested in be in my wedding. How do I go about talking to her about this without ending our friendship? or is it time to end our friendship? She has known for months that she needs to go either order or hopefully pick up the bm dress (if they have her size) for my 9/21 wedding. I had been so stressed that she wouldn't get in time, I drove 2 1/2 hrs to go with her. I said if to her if this was something for her boss it would have been done months ago, she replied 'Yeah, but you don't sign my check.' She asked if we could just go tomorrow, when she was about to pay I was browsing the store and she called me over because she didn't think she had enough money. She did though. Then said 'I have to wear this dress for the reception too ? Can't I change?'
I feel she should be honored to be wearing it! Obviously Not!
Do I send her a check for the dress and uninvite her and kiss our frienship goodbye? Is she looking for an out and I didn't see it?
If I do write her off the bridal party will be even, my FH won't have to get another GM. Please help. You guys are the best @ giving advice. Thank you in advance.

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

I would talk to her and come out and ask her if she wants to be in it or not. I would tell her how you feel about the way she is acting. Ask her if this is just a burdon to her. Just remember that not all bridesmaids are going to be there the way you wish them to. The whole dress situation is ridiculous the way she is acting though. Good luck!

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

I agree - give her the opportunity to opt out of the wedding party. It dosent have to end your friendship if she opts out. There are a lot of emotions wrapped around a wedding, the bridal party is not exception to this. Good Luck

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

Have you both been upset over something non-wedding related or did you fight over the actual dress before? I am one of those people who do not believe in ending a friendship very easily. Perhaps there is something else that she is upset with. I would speak with her, in person (not e-mail or the phone) and tell her that you are very hurt at her comments. She might tell you that she cannot really afford to be in the bridal party (you never know what someone's finances are) or something else. Is she jealous that you are getting married and she is still very single? That happens a lot. Talk with her and then make a decision. But do not keep her in the bridal party to keep peace- you have to look at these photos forever.

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

Unfortunately, we all want our BMs to be as excited as we are with the planning of our weddings, but it doesn't always work out that way. You felt close enough with her to ask her to be in your bridal party, so I definitely think you should talk to her about the way you're feeling. Perhaps there is something on her mind that she hasn't told you, and by you being the 'bigger' person and addressing the situation, maybe it will come out. I would even use the disclaimer 'I know that the planning for my wedding is much different for me than it is for you but...'. That lets her know that you don't expect miracles, jumping jacks, etc from people, but some occasional enthusiasm would be nice. As for the dress situation, IMO there is no excuse to be insulting. You're right - she should be honored to wear it; whether it's her taste or not should be kept to herself.

Best of luck with the talk (if you decide to go that route). Please keep us posted...

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

I agree you should ask her about it. If you feel that you still want her to be a part of your wedding, give her the option, if you feel that you dont want her in it anymore, maybe ask her to step down.
I guess it depends on how you feel about her as a friend at this point, whether you want to keep her in it or not. But either way, the stress about it is no good for you so definitely talk to her about it.

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

Thank You so much for the advice. I am going to talk to her and I will keep you posted. I talked to the other BMs and found out she is not responding to emails or phone calls from them about the money she owes for the bridal shower and gift. I know she is financially secure. I trained her for her job (she replaced me when I left the company)

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

We talked it through and she apologized for being rude she didn't think it would have bothered me as much it did. I may just be feeling more sensitive than usual. I know she is a smart ass and that is why I love her. Thanks for all the great advice.

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

Glad that you worked it out, Im sure that is a big relief!!

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

It is such a relief! I have been sleeping better and can finally relax and enjoy this time before the wedding. I hope no one has to go through the stress I was put through.
Thanks Ladies!!!

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

I'm glad that everything worked out...I had to come to the realization that my BMs would not be as excited for my wedding as I was...

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

I'm really glad you guys talked things out...sometimes, with all people in all different situations, we see things one way and they seem things the other. Just glad your stress in this situation is over!!

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

As of yesterday, the BM that has been giving me a problem backed out! I am 13 days away from my wedding and the @#$%^ backed out!
I hope this doesn't happen to any of you that may be having problems with your BMs

Re: I need some advice about one of my BM. (Long)

I am sorry to hear that your so called friend would do this to you. Be glad that she showed her true colors now. You do not want anyone in your wedding who is not truly happy for you. She is obviously not a true frend. At least this way you will not have to see her face in your pictures forever. Good luck to you. I'm sure everything will be pefect. Don't let her take anything from your day.