I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

I have a FSIL that is not that nice. We use to be friends at one time. We are not friends at all now we can't even talk to each other. She just makes me so upset and so mad. This is suppose to me my fsil. I hate that we have no relationship with each other but she has done a lot of awful things were I can not let it go or forgive her. She lied to me about so many thing and tried to start things between my FH and I. And she still does to this day try and start things between my fh and I. She told me when her and I were friends that her brother cheated on me a number of times, She also said he was never serious about me, She also said he was using me, She also said that he was sending money to this lady that had three kids that he was messing with everytime he went to Cancun, She also said that he bad mouths me behind my back and she has said a lot of other things to me that were all lies. When I told my FH about everything when this all started happening he said she was lying and that she likes to make people unhappy. I couldn't believe that she lied to me straight to my face. What type of a friend does that? And that all happened before we got engaged. Since we got engaged she has made my life very hard. She threw a fit about not knowing that her brother was going to propose to his girlfriend. My own sister didn't know and my sister and I are close and she didn't have a problem with it. I told my sister all about my proposal later on that night when I got home. She was very happy for me the other hand my fh sister was not she wanted to know when is the wedding mean while we just got in engaged 5 minutes before we called her to tell her our great news. She got mad when I didn't ask her to be my Maid of honor. I would never ask her to be my maid of honor I have a sister. I want my sister to be my maid of honor I would never ask anyone else to join her or to take that way from my sister. She got mad that I didn't include her or her daughter in the bridal party. Why would I we are not friends. We do not get along. Her son is in my FH bridal party that is enough. She bad mouthed me to my family and friends at my engagement party. She lied saying she paid for everything. My family and friends hate her. The first time they all met her she got them to hate her. Which my family is very easy to get along with and doesn't hate anyone. It kills me that she can't be happy for us. She comes off as she hates me and it bugs me to death but I love my FH and I am not walking away from him over his sister who has no life. No way no how. She calls my FH all the time for no reason no joke about 4 or 5 times a day. It is sick. My sister and I do not talk that much in one day. They talk every day. She tries to get us to buy her children things and she bulls you into you give in which works to some point with my FH and his Mom. They do not stand up to her. I hate it. We have to save for a wedding and she wants my FH to buy her kids things. She is there parent she should buy her kids things not put it on other people. I won't even talk to her about our wedding planning cause she wrecks everything for me. She will do anything to destroy my wedding or do anything to get the attention on her that day so it is off of my fh and I. That is why she knows nothing about our wedding planning and what we have done and are doing. She even tried to go with us to our RH to see it at the bridal show. I don't want her to. She has to wait like everyone else. My sister hasn't even seen it. My bridal party hasn't even seen it. She is a guest at our wedding she is not a part of the wedding so she needs to wait like everyone else. She is very noisy and wants to know everything about my FH and I. I wish we got a long and I tried but God knows how many times she back stabs me and treats me like crap so I stopped trying. It breaks my heart and I wanted a relationship with her. Until she stops trying to wreck things between my fh and I I can't trust her and until she can be happy for us and leave us alone I can't keep trying to make things work between her and I. I hate to say that. I feel bad about it cause my FH and his Mom are putting up with her complaining to them about me and me complainning to my fh about her. I feel bad that I am doing this to my fh and his Mom by not being friends with her or trying to be anymore but she doesn't like me so I am not going to be force to have a friendship with her if she is going to cause my fh and I problems. Is not fair to me. Yesterday was Valentines day she knew my fh and I had plans she called when we were out to dinner and he answered. I was so hurt and pissed. Then I found out from the mother that she wanted to do something with us on Valentines Day and was pissed that we made her think we weren't doing anything and we went out and did something with out her. I was shocked and upset about it. This is our last Valentines day together as an engaged couple we wanted to do something special to remember it and be alone together. I am going crazy. I do not know what to do anymore. I tried talking to her it doesn't work. I try avoiding her that doesn't work cause then I get yelled at by my fh and his mom that I am not trying. Mean while it is not me it is her. Help me

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

I'm so sorry your going through this!! It's a horrible situation. I think you should talk to fh and tellhim to man up and put his foot down. Your going to be his wife and everyone needs to respect that weather they like you or not. The wedding isn't about her and fh and fmil need to realize that. Yes of course you want everyone to be happy but that's usually not the case. Some people just always need the drama in their lives and that just seems like what she's doing. If you can't have a conversation with her you really need to show fh how much this is upsetting you so he can have a talk with her. I hope things better for you!

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

wow this is hard!
I know its hurtful but take it where its coming from...shes obviously immature and a control freak. I would say try not to let it bother you so much...I know that is hard to do whenshe is trying to cause problems but maybe if you dont give her the attention she is seaking then she will stop eventually. You cant totally ignore her or bad mouth her bc she is FH sister sooo you just got to hang in there and be the better person. dont give her the satisfaction of knowing she is upsetting you.
Good luck

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

I am so sorry that you are going through this... i can tell uin your post that you are genuinly upset about it and frustrated. You need to make sure that your #1 priority is you and FH. Is she younger or older than you? it seems she just wants all the attnetion on her all the time and is upset that 'you are taking her brother away from her'..she seems like she is a big baby about things, but also that FH and mom give in to her.. There should have been no reason why he had to pick up the phone while you were at dinner, and why the H E L L would she think that you would spend vday with her

I know you said you have done this numerous times, but you need to talk to FH and his mom and lay it out plain and simple, just state facts. Say this is what she has done, and I dont want to deal with it, if she cant be mature I do not want to associate myseld with her... and tell him and mom to smack her into shape... or there is nothing you can do about.

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

She is in her mid 30's. She is my fh only sister and she is older then my fh. She is older then me I am 26. She has two kids and she is married.

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

I have been upfront and I am the bad guy cause he thinks all I do is complain about her. I have tried to be nice to her and be friends with her after everything she has done but it always back fires on me. She will go complain to her Mom about something my fh and I have done or didn't do. Like last night she complainned to her Mom we did not invite her to go with us to dinner and she was very mad about it. It is Valentines day I wanted to spend time alone with my fh. I know my fh loves me and will always love me but sometimes I feel he puts her first and her children first. My fh is not a bad guy he has a very small family so I understand but still she should back off and let us be. He is with me now and she should be happy her brother found someone that loves him and puts him first

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Am I the wrong one here for being so upset about everything and not wanting to be friends with her? Am I wrong for not wanting her in my bridal party? She is not nice to me at all unless she wants something. She also will ask about my Dad and only my Dad. I have a Mom too. It scares me to find out what it is going to be like when we get married and how she is going to act and treat me.

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

no you are perfectly justified in being upset.. just because you are marrying your FH does not mean 1000% of the time you are going to get along wiht everyone in their family. BUt take a stand and let everyone know that the reason you want to cut ties with her is because of HER actions, and make sure it is known that you were the one who wanted to reconcile but SHE was talkin craaap and lieying, etc to you... be strong and stand your ground, people who know her will understand why you dont like her, and make sure you are the bigger person, be cordial when you see her but dont resort to her tactics of he said she said BS- we are all adults and should act like them, esp if she is a mom

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

i'm soooo sorry u r going threw this. I have a similar situtation with FH side of the family. Its sad ut like i did, you tried. Dont let them tell u r not trying. Its not fair to you. It hasnt got any better for me but its easier for me to deal with. These people are always going to be around so u have to try and not let it bother you. I know its hard. I never thought i would be able to get over all the lies and problems and i did. I dont forgive them and i will never trust them but i deal with them bc they are FH family. You honestly need to sit FH down and tell him excatly how u feel. You shouldnt feel this way at all. You should be happy. Maybe at this point he needs to say somthing to her.

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

I am going crazy. I hate feeling like this and I hate being made out to be the bad guy. I did what I could to try and be friends with her but I can't do that to myself anymore and try to be friends with someone that makes me feel mad, upset controlled, and out of place. SHe actually makes me feel like I will never be apart of there family. She asks me every time she sees me who is in my bridal party. I tell each and everytime who is in my bridal party. I truthfully have everyone I want to be in my bridal party I am happy with who I picked I am not going to be forced include someone I do not want. I also have a flower girl that I want and I love her to death. I do not want her daughter to be my flower girl cause then she has to be involved in the wedding planning cause her daughter is only 2.

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

people do not understand that they can not demand to be in YOUR bridal party... you choose the people that are going to be there for you and help you and NOT hurt you! I understand that she thinks because her brother is getting married that its ok and she is automatically in the bp, but seriousl she needs to understand that you cant treat people this way!! so efff her and next time she asks you, say ' i guess you dont remeber the first 18 times i told you, but the BP is all of my friends and family that care about me and love me... ' and keep it at that.. if she wants to continue to be a bieach then dont associate with her and tell FH to take a stand and talk to her about being so mean to you!!!

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

sending hugs.... i'm sorry this continues to be a problem. we're always here to listen!

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

wow... that's awful! i'm so sorry to hear about that! well i think that you said it perfect when you said she has no life. does she work? it seems like she needs to get a hobby. its surprising that she has so much time to meddle with your life when she has a family of her own.

the only advice i could give you would be to keep your head up and know that you and your fh love each other.

or i could just rough her up!

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

She hasn't worked in years. When she did work it was very little from what my fh says. She stays home with her daughter who is two.

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

what does FMIL say when you tell her its upsetting you that she acts like a child...?

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Wow.. that *****. She seems to be very jealous of your relationship with your FH . What she is doing is horrible! Unfortunately, pple like that don't change. The best revenge against them is showing them that they don't bother you. I don't understand y she is in ur life, wen she has a family of her own anyway. I'm sorry.

Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

I haven't said anything to her but my fh says he has. I don't have the heart to tell her all this crap about her daughter. I don't want to stress her out even more then she already is. SHe has enough stress in her life right now. I don't know what to do. If I said something to her about her daughter I do not know what she would say or how she would act. I am afraid to say something we are close I do not want to do anything to wreck that. What can I do?