I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
Original post by 2009wedding
I have a FSIL that is not that nice. We use to be friends at one time. We are not friends at all now we can't even talk to each other. She just makes me so upset and so mad. This is suppose to me my fsil. I hate that we have no relationship with each other but she has done a lot of awful things were I can not let it go or forgive her. She lied to me about so many thing and tried to start things between my FH and I. And she still does to this day try and start things between my fh and I. She told me when her and I were friends that her brother cheated on me a number of times, She also said he was never serious about me, She also said he was using me, She also said that he was sending money to this lady that had three kids that he was messing with everytime he went to Cancun, She also said that he bad mouths me behind my back and she has said a lot of other things to me that were all lies. When I told my FH about everything when this all started happening he said she was lying and that she likes to make people unhappy. I couldn't believe that she lied to me straight to my face. What type of a friend does that? And that all happened before we got engaged. Since we got engaged she has made my life very hard. She threw a fit about not knowing that her brother was going to propose to his girlfriend. My own sister didn't know and my sister and I are close and she didn't have a problem with it. I told my sister all about my proposal later on that night when I got home. She was very happy for me the other hand my fh sister was not she wanted to know when is the wedding mean while we just got in engaged 5 minutes before we called her to tell her our great news. She got mad when I didn't ask her to be my Maid of honor. I would never ask her to be my maid of honor I have a sister. I want my sister to be my maid of honor I would never ask anyone else to join her or to take that way from my sister. She got mad that I didn't include her or her daughter in the bridal party. Why would I we are not friends. We do not get along. Her son is in my FH bridal party that is enough. She bad mouthed me to my family and friends at my engagement party. She lied saying she paid for everything. My family and friends hate her. The first time they all met her she got them to hate her. Which my family is very easy to get along with and doesn't hate anyone. It kills me that she can't be happy for us. She comes off as she hates me and it bugs me to death but I love my FH and I am not walking away from him over his sister who has no life. No way no how. She calls my FH all the time for no reason no joke about 4 or 5 times a day. It is sick. My sister and I do not talk that much in one day. They talk every day. She tries to get us to buy her children things and she bulls you into you give in which works to some point with my FH and his Mom. They do not stand up to her. I hate it. We have to save for a wedding and she wants my FH to buy her kids things. She is there parent she should buy her kids things not put it on other people. I won't even talk to her about our wedding planning cause she wrecks everything for me. She will do anything to destroy my wedding or do anything to get the attention on her that day so it is off of my fh and I. That is why she knows nothing about our wedding planning and what we have done and are doing. She even tried to go with us to our RH to see it at the bridal show. I don't want her to. She has to wait like everyone else. My sister hasn't even seen it. My bridal party hasn't even seen it. She is a guest at our wedding she is not a part of the wedding so she needs to wait like everyone else. She is very noisy and wants to know everything about my FH and I. I wish we got a long and I tried but God knows how many times she back stabs me and treats me like crap so I stopped trying. It breaks my heart and I wanted a relationship with her. Until she stops trying to wreck things between my fh and I I can't trust her and until she can be happy for us and leave us alone I can't keep trying to make things work between her and I. I hate to say that. I feel bad about it cause my FH and his Mom are putting up with her complaining to them about me and me complainning to my fh about her. I feel bad that I am doing this to my fh and his Mom by not being friends with her or trying to be anymore but she doesn't like me so I am not going to be force to have a friendship with her if she is going to cause my fh and I problems. Is not fair to me. Yesterday was Valentines day she knew my fh and I had plans she called when we were out to dinner and he answered. I was so hurt and pissed. Then I found out from the mother that she wanted to do something with us on Valentines Day and was pissed that we made her think we weren't doing anything and we went out and did something with out her. I was shocked and upset about it. This is our last Valentines day together as an engaged couple we wanted to do something special to remember it and be alone together. I am going crazy. I do not know what to do anymore. I tried talking to her it doesn't work. I try avoiding her that doesn't work cause then I get yelled at by my fh and his mom that I am not trying. Mean while it is not me it is her. Help me
MrsKusiAppouh
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
No one should have to go though this but weddings bring out the worst in family and friends sometimes. She sounds like the kind of person who doesn't like you unless you are in their life in the exact way that they want you. She is someone you don;t need to worry about pleasing. The bottom line is you are marrying him not her. But it is important you command respect. Just wait until the next family function and when she pulls her bs again (because we know she will) you let her have it but nicely and calmly. Tell her just how ugly acting, selfish and controlling she is and though she is important to you both because she is his sister, she needs to respect the boundaries of your relationship.
If in the end she is still acting like a donkey, just treat her like the horse's behind that she is.
cammolax23
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
honestly i would approach it in an adult lets go out to lunch and chat type of style... and dont call her names etc, just state ' i want to make this work but...' and list the facts only, dont call her a name etc. be a big person. and tell FMIL that you dont want to upset her (fmil) but you do not want to start your life with this family on a bad note. Something needs to be fixed with her comments and attitude towards you, otherwise it is going to to fester into something MUCH worse down the road...
2009wedding
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
Maybe you are right maybe it is time for me to talk to my fmil and tell her what is going on. I just really don't want to stress her out or upset her. I also don't want to wreck how close we are. I like my fmil a lot she is a wonderful person. I love talking to her and spending time with her. I just can't take the stress or being so upset anymore about my fsil. I can't take upsetting my fh about this anymore either I am afraid it is going to cause us to break up or worse cause our marrige to fail which would make my fsil very happy.
cammolax23
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
if you are as close to your FMIL as you say, then she will understand where you are coming from... why do you have to sacrifice your happiness for her pettiness.. this is definatly something that should ne nipped in the bud right away. and dont look at it as you are running to fmil and creating a big deal, just talk to her like she is one of your friends and let her know that you are not the problem.. she will understand and hopefully smooth things over with your fsil soon. and maybe fsil will realize that peolpe are taking yourside and she will stop acting like a child who isnt getting any attention.... let us know how things work out!
2009wedding
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
If I talked to my fmil wouldn't she defened her daughter? I know mothers are quick to defend there child no matter what. I don't want to start a war or even start problems between my fmil and I. But this needs to stop before I break or give myself a heart attack. This stress is killing me and changing me. I hate it. I want a normal life with my fh and both families. I also don't want her to wreck my fh and I's wedding. We are paying for it and trying to make it our dream wedding and it wouldn't be my dream wedding if I am stressed and worried about what drama is she going to cause at our wedding. I want ti enjoy the day. I really didn't enjoy my enagagement party cause I had to hear everything she said and had to see how she acted. My fh didn't enjoy it cause he was doing everything and he was worried about how upset I was getting about his sister.
Im a Pepper
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
Posted by 2009wedding
If I talked to my fmil wouldn't she defened her daughter? I know mothers are quick to defend there child no matter what. I don't want to start a war or even start problems between my fmil and I. But this needs to stop before I break or give myself a heart attack. This stress is killing me and changing me. I hate it. I want a normal life with my fh and both families. I also don't want her to wreck my fh and I's wedding. We are paying for it and trying to make it our dream wedding and it wouldn't be my dream wedding if I am stressed and worried about what drama is she going to cause at our wedding. I want ti enjoy the day. I really didn't enjoy my enagagement party cause I had to hear everything she said and had to see how she acted. My fh didn't enjoy it cause he was doing everything and he was worried about how upset I was getting about his sister.
Melinda you bring up a great point. Mothers have a way of getting sensitive when it comes to talking about their children.... even if what they're talking about is the truth. you'd have to bring this up very tactfully.
2009wedding
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
Yea that is what I am worried about. I do not know how I would bring this up to her if I did talk to my fmil about all of this. I do not want to cause more problems for my fh family or for my fh and I. I really dislike my fsil. I wish I liked her and we were friends but I hate what she did to me and I can't let it go or forgive her. I am normally a very forgiving person. This is not like me to keep this anger going inside me. I am just very upset about everything and what bothers me the worst is I feel bad that I dislike this much so it is making me more upset. I did what I could to be friends with her and I got burned very badly and now I am paying the price. I wish I had a normal fsil my sister gets along with my fh and she would do anything for him. She would never do what my fsil is doing to me.
TnJ041809
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
Posted by Future Pepper
Posted by 2009wedding
If I talked to my fmil wouldn't she defened her daughter? I know mothers are quick to defend there child no matter what. I don't want to start a war or even start problems between my fmil and I. But this needs to stop before I break or give myself a heart attack. This stress is killing me and changing me. I hate it. I want a normal life with my fh and both families. I also don't want her to wreck my fh and I's wedding. We are paying for it and trying to make it our dream wedding and it wouldn't be my dream wedding if I am stressed and worried about what drama is she going to cause at our wedding. I want ti enjoy the day. I really didn't enjoy my enagagement party cause I had to hear everything she said and had to see how she acted. My fh didn't enjoy it cause he was doing everything and he was worried about how upset I was getting about his sister.
Melinda you bring up a great point. Mothers have a way of getting sensitive when it comes to talking about their children.... even if what they're talking about is the truth. you'd have to bring this up very tactfully.
I agree that you must becareful of what you say so it doesn't sound mean. But I know with my fmil she knows when her kids are bein a s s holes so she might be able to symapthize and give you some great advice. Just don't do any name calling and be respectful about it and it should go well.
2009wedding
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
Would I be going to her level if I did talk to my fmil? My Mom knows what she has been putting me threw cause I have been in tears because of her. My own best friend tries to avoid her too cause they go to the same libary program with There daughters. My best friend hates what she says about me. At my engagement party she bad mouthed me to my best friend and she also was very nasty to my best friend. She actually made my best friend feel upset and out of place. I had to make sure that she stayed away from her the whole time at my engagement party. My sister had to actually spend time with my best friend to make sure my fsil didn't say anything more to my best friend. It is to the point now my family and friends hate her as much as I do. That isn't right I want everyone to get along we are going to be a family soon.
ANT-N-BON-09
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
i am in the same situation, not as bad, but close. She rents from us to boot! I really wish she would just leave, but FH thinks shes a saint! Good thing about me, i will not budge, i mean what i say....and thats that! So let him know that, even if you say it till your blue in the face, keep repeating it.
mrsdraskin2009
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
Tough one. It might start more drama to bring it up to your FMIL unless she agrees that her behavior is out of line. Honestly, I would cut her off--I don't need people like that in my life regardless of who they are, family or not.
Does your FH agree with you? If he knows that what she is doing is wrong, he should say something to her--he should back you up. When I was first dating my FH and his SIL gave me some hard times, he was right there with me and we just started avoiding her and stopped giving in to her behavior. Eventually she stopped acting so crappy and now we're decently close. The point is that FH understood how I felt and we dealt with it together. We didn't drag FMIL into, because she agreed that she had no place to; I think when people drag ILs into it, it blows it up even more.
Be proactive about the sitaution and tell her, in no uncertain terms, that her behavior is innapropriate and that you and FH will not tolerate it; she will be disinvited completely if she doesn't shape up. Ignore comments from the FILs--once they ALL see you guys standing your ground, they will come around and it will blow over, and maybe your FSIL will realize the error of her ways, but if she doesn't, tough sh!t. Don't stoop to her level because if she knows that this is upsetting you, she's getting the satisfaction out of that and don't let her have that power over you!
Good luck!
AugustBridein09
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
I would make my FH stand up for ME!!!! Especially if she was saying crap like he is cheating on me and sending $$$ to Cancun.....what does your FMIL say about all of THAT STUFF?!??!?!!?!?
UGH people like that make me angry!!!!
And what does HER HUSBAND say? Why wouldn't she want to be with HIM on v-day?????
Brendanzgirl
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
I'm sorry to hear of this. I wish I had better advice but all I can say is don't listen to a word she says when she is trying to start problems with lies. You trust your FH and that is all that matters. See if both you and your FH could sit her down and just air it out. Let her speak her mind and than the two of you can give an utimatum to her... Either she cuts it out now or she cannot come to the wedding. It's important to let her know that you wish you can be close or at least civil. I hope she can come to her senses and grow up. Best wishes
KristiAnn923
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
Posted by JackieV
i'm soooo sorry u r going threw this. I have a similar situtation with FH side of the family. Its sad ut like i did, you tried. Dont let them tell u r not trying. Its not fair to you. It hasnt got any better for me but its easier for me to deal with. These people are always going to be around so u have to try and not let it bother you. I know its hard. I never thought i would be able to get over all the lies and problems and i did. I dont forgive them and i will never trust them but i deal with them bc they are FH family. You honestly need to sit FH down and tell him excatly how u feel. You shouldnt feel this way at all. You should be happy. Maybe at this point he needs to say somthing to her.
I agree with Jackie. You need to tell him how you feel and he needs to step in. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
yngcpl92203
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
Ughhh why do people have to be soo difficult? If i were you, i wouldnt want anything to do with her either. She brought this on herself and until she can be happy for you guys and want to be a part of your lives in a normal friendly manner, i would continue to keep her in the dark.
longislandlibrarian
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
OOOO HUG!!!!!!!!! I am sorry that she is acting like this. It's unreal that someone who is married with children would ACT like this...
Christine N Ralph
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
I would like to first start out by saying that I am very sorry that you are going through this. I am in a very similar situation so I know how bad you are feeling. My fh cousin and I dont get along and it almost caused us to break up a few times. If I could offer you any advice it would be to just let everything roll off your shoulders ( and i know that is VERY hard.) Its not worth the stress that you are putting yourself through. As long as you know deep down in your heart that fh loves you and will go to bat for you when this ***** does somthing wrong, then I dont think that you have anything to worry about. I have had to learn that people are not going to change even if you really want them to...or even if you change yourself. It doesnt happen. Talk to your fh and mil and lay out the facts for them: you dont want her or her daughter in the wedding party, you dont want her being nosy and imvolved in the wedding...remind them that she had her time, and now it is your turn. I might even go as far as talking to her and saying like 'Why are you doing this?' If she doesnt work and just stays home all day with a 2 yr old she is probably bored and miserable with her own life!! Remember 'Misery Loves Company!!!' If you and fh have a budget remind him that he has to stick with it- and he cant always be given presents to other children. Whats going to happen when you have your own family? Is his sister going to be mad about that too? I know that this is very hard...I too feel extremely uncomfortable being around his family when his cousin it there ( I dont even want her at the engagement party/bridal shower/wedding) but there are things in life that we cant change. I have learned to take everything that she says and does with a grain of salt and remember who its coming from. When people are miserable it is impossible to wish others well and be happy for them...So instead of dwelling on her worry and concentrate about all of the people who ARE HAPPY for you and fh. and not the one person who *****...Again i am really sorry that you are going through this....but I hope this helped!
2009wedding
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
I don't know if my fh will go to bat for me. Sometimes I feel I come last to him and his sister and his sister's kids come first to him even after all the messed up things she has done. Sometimes I feel he doesn't even care how messed up his sister is. Tonight my fsil is suppose to come over with her kids(Now my fh lives with his mom) and drops them off so her and her husband can go out to dinner. We have to be there otherwise the my fsil gets upset with us. She comes over every Saturday. Some Saturdays I would like to go out and do something with my fh but no no one will stand up to her so she gets what she wants. I think she is the one in control of the family and pulling the strings. My fsil called my fmil and wants to have her kids birthday party on Thursday. We all work and my fh has hockey that night which is another problem he puts that first before me but that is a different topic. I am being forced to be there on time on Thursday and I have to be there. We don't even know if it is going to be at my fmil house which would be great I would just stay up stairs and not come down stairs cause I want nothing to do with her but I am being forced to have something to do with her and I hate it or she would have it at her house which is a pain cause the house is small and no where to hide from her. Last year she invited my parents. Who does that? My parents said that is weird but they went later on the sister made them feel like all she did was use them for an extra gift for her child. She never once made them feel welcome. So now this year my parents said they will not go after all the drama she has pulled. She also gave the present my fh and I bought for her child and said it was just from there Uncle and no one stood up for me but my parents cause everyone seems to be afraid of miss drama queen. Then gave my parents gift to there child and said now this is from Melinda and her family mean while my parents bought that gift and my fh and I bought the other gift. I was very upset about it. I just let it go though cause I did not want to wreck the child's birthday party. I wish she would grow up and leave my fh and I alone. She has a husband and a family I wish she would be with them and let us be instead of messing up our lives and trying to destroy everything.
Christine N Ralph
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
I feel like you are between a rock and a hard place. You feel like second fiddle to both her and hockey when it comes to you fh. I would really talk to him before you go through with this wedding. make sure you iron all of your concerns out now before you get married...his sister is never going to go away. WHy dont you just talk to her one on one?
2009wedding
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Re: I needed to vent.....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)
I tried yet again to be nice to her last night when I saw her I said hi how are you she rolled her eyes at me when she saw I was at my fh's house. She gave me and attitude when she said hi back and told me how she was. I then just walked away and went into the living room then her daughter kicked my fh's dog and she did nothing. I can't believe she lets her own daughter abuse animals. I felt saw bad for the dog I actually had to walk out of the house cause I am a big animal person. Then she says this is why she doesn't come over much cause of the dog and how she acts. I wanted to say yea right and it is your daughter that abuses the dog and the dog does nothing but yelp. My fh's dog is so sweet she wouldn't do anything to hurt anyone not even if you hurt her but it kills me that the kid hurts the dog and my fsil does nothing to stop her child from abusing the dog. That is so wrong.
