I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Original post by 2009wedding

Feb 15, 2008 12:53 PM

I have a FSIL that is not that nice. We use to be friends at one time. We are not friends at all now we can't even talk to each other. She just makes me so upset and so mad. This is suppose to me my fsil. I hate that we have no relationship with each other but she has done a lot of awful things were I can not let it go or forgive her. She lied to me about so many thing and tried to start things between my FH and I. And she still does to this day try and start things between my fh and I. She told me when her and I were friends that her brother cheated on me a number of times, She also said he was never serious about me, She also said he was using me, She also said that he was sending money to this lady that had three kids that he was messing with everytime he went to Cancun, She also said that he bad mouths me behind my back and she has said a lot of other things to me that were all lies. When I told my FH about everything when this all started happening he said she was lying and that she likes to make people unhappy. I couldn't believe that she lied to me straight to my face. What type of a friend does that? And that all happened before we got engaged. Since we got engaged she has made my life very hard. She threw a fit about not knowing that her brother was going to propose to his girlfriend. My own sister didn't know and my sister and I are close and she didn't have a problem with it. I told my sister all about my proposal later on that night when I got home. She was very happy for me the other hand my fh sister was not she wanted to know when is the wedding mean while we just got in engaged 5 minutes before we called her to tell her our great news. She got mad when I didn't ask her to be my Maid of honor. I would never ask her to be my maid of honor I have a sister. I want my sister to be my maid of honor I would never ask anyone else to join her or to take that way from my sister. She got mad that I didn't include her or her daughter in the bridal party. Why would I we are not friends. We do not get along. Her son is in my FH bridal party that is enough. She bad mouthed me to my family and friends at my engagement party. She lied saying she paid for everything. My family and friends hate her. The first time they all met her she got them to hate her. Which my family is very easy to get along with and doesn't hate anyone. It kills me that she can't be happy for us. She comes off as she hates me and it bugs me to death but I love my FH and I am not walking away from him over his sister who has no life. No way no how. She calls my FH all the time for no reason no joke about 4 or 5 times a day. It is sick. My sister and I do not talk that much in one day. They talk every day. She tries to get us to buy her children things and she bulls you into you give in which works to some point with my FH and his Mom. They do not stand up to her. I hate it. We have to save for a wedding and she wants my FH to buy her kids things. She is there parent she should buy her kids things not put it on other people. I won't even talk to her about our wedding planning cause she wrecks everything for me. She will do anything to destroy my wedding or do anything to get the attention on her that day so it is off of my fh and I. That is why she knows nothing about our wedding planning and what we have done and are doing. She even tried to go with us to our RH to see it at the bridal show. I don't want her to. She has to wait like everyone else. My sister hasn't even seen it. My bridal party hasn't even seen it. She is a guest at our wedding she is not a part of the wedding so she needs to wait like everyone else. She is very noisy and wants to know everything about my FH and I. I wish we got a long and I tried but God knows how many times she back stabs me and treats me like crap so I stopped trying. It breaks my heart and I wanted a relationship with her. Until she stops trying to wreck things between my fh and I I can't trust her and until she can be happy for us and leave us alone I can't keep trying to make things work between her and I. I hate to say that. I feel bad about it cause my FH and his Mom are putting up with her complaining to them about me and me complainning to my fh about her. I feel bad that I am doing this to my fh and his Mom by not being friends with her or trying to be anymore but she doesn't like me so I am not going to be force to have a friendship with her if she is going to cause my fh and I problems. Is not fair to me. Yesterday was Valentines day she knew my fh and I had plans she called when we were out to dinner and he answered. I was so hurt and pissed. Then I found out from the mother that she wanted to do something with us on Valentines Day and was pissed that we made her think we weren't doing anything and we went out and did something with out her. I was shocked and upset about it. This is our last Valentines day together as an engaged couple we wanted to do something special to remember it and be alone together. I am going crazy. I do not know what to do anymore. I tried talking to her it doesn't work. I try avoiding her that doesn't work cause then I get yelled at by my fh and his mom that I am not trying. Mean while it is not me it is her. Help me

LnF0405 Posted: Feb 17, 2008 01:08 PM

Re: I needed to vent...she doesn't stop I am going crazy....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

You really need to talk to your FH and put thing straight before the wedding, DO you really want to be like this when you are married and have to deal with more of this S*** when you are a family???. I kind of understand what are you going through, when I start going out with FH he used to put his little sister first than everyone else and when we got engaged and start planning a wedding she through such a tantrum that I told FH that I either he support his future wife and control his little sister or he still had time to return the ring (it happen just 1 week after we got engaged). TALK to FH ASAP, you need to put everything straight before you begin a family.. Hope everything get better

MrsDtoBe09 Posted: Feb 17, 2008 04:50 PM

Re: I needed to vent...she doesn't stop I am going crazy....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Wow she sounds like a terrible person. It must make her miserable life better when she tries to mess up yours.

CollBride09 Posted: Feb 17, 2008 04:54 PM

Re: I needed to vent...she doesn't stop I am going crazy....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

First off no one should ever have to feel the way that you do. You should not have to feel alone in this at all. You FSIL sounds like a spoiled brat and you are right in the sense that you should not lower yourself down to her level! That is a very smart and adult decision. I also feel that it is best for you not to speak to your FMIL just yet. First things first, you need to speak to FH and figure out everything between you guys first! You need to tell him that you feel that he puts his sisters happiness before yours and you have to tell him how insignificant you feel. You need to let him know all of this now because this seems like a very explosive situation. After you speak to him and hopefully solve all of these problems you should ask FH to speak to his mother about his sister and tell her that there must be an end to this jealousy because that is just what this is-----JEALOUSY. Your FSIL has to learn that she is no longer 2 and should no longer get what she wants when she throws a temper tantrum. This is supposed to be a happy time for you right now and from this post it doesn't seem this way for you right now because you have someone trying to sabotage that happiness. Honestly, you must work this out before the wedding because it will not get better if anything it could get worse. You must tell FH that when you are in a relationship, especially if you are engaged you are no longer individuals(i mean to a degree) you are a TEAM, he is going to have to learn that he needs to stick up for you and go to bat for you in order for this relationship to work. You are going to have to put your foot down because all of this stress is no good for you! I wish you luck and strength because this is a time where you are going to have to be very strong and stick to your guns girl!!!

2009wedding Posted: Feb 18, 2008 04:29 PM

Re: I needed to vent...she doesn't stop I am going crazy....(Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Thank you ladies for all your help and support. You made me see that it is not me and I am not wrong for feeling the way I do. A lot has happened the last few days with my fh and his family that I need to think about. I need to think about a lot of things. I also realized that mfsil is jelous of me. Before I came into the picture my fh was buying her and her children things then when I came into the picture he stopped so I think it has something to do with she wants that back and she knews as long as I am in the picture that is not going to happen. She also had her son a few months ago say don't get married to my fh cause then you are not going to spend time with me anymore. Which hurt me cause I would never have him cut ties with his family as much as I hate his sister. I just will not have anything to do with his sister until she grows up and learns to be happy for us. I also caught her Saturday going threw things at my fh's house but it is not my home yet so I can't say anything. Thank you all again for your support. I am going to try and stay strong and think things threw on what to do cause all this stress and feeling hurt and upset is making me sick.

PoppedInASnap Posted: Feb 18, 2008 07:53 PM

Re: I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

First,
Breathe.

There are people like this all over. Just a few months ago, a ex-friend of mine started drama on these boards infront of everyone. Saying lies and very personal things about me and my fh. She then tried to make it look like it was all me when i deleted the posts becasuse i am NOT the kind ofperson to air my dirty laundry...

Anyway, there are people like that. My own sister is like that. There are just people in the world who, in my opinion, are so unhappy with their lives that they sit there and try to make everyone elses horrible to make them feel better.

KILL HEr WITH KINDNESS. It works likea charm. And then after you're married, get far away!

JoesFutureWife Posted: Feb 18, 2008 08:25 PM

Re: I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Melinda,
The only reason i am crashing this board is because i personally know who you are and it pains me to hear that you are going through this. That aside, there is something you must realize. When you and FH marry, you become a unit as in just you and him. That means you are everything he needs and vice versa. As his future wife, you should be coming second to nothing (unless he has a child of his own) and FH should be defending you. This should not be your battle, but it should be his. He needs to stand up and say 'You will NOT treat the woman i am marrying this way!' He will not say that because i am sure he is afraid that she will use her children against him and he will not be able to see them anymore. Until he comes thru and stands up for you (because he is the only one who can rectify this situation), and sets boundaries, i would take a better look at the man you are marrying. Unfortunately, things will not automatically improve once you are married. This needs to be handled now and if it is not handled correctly by him, i would strongly consider either cancelling the wedding or putting it on hold because if he can't stand up to his own sister in your honor, then how can he support you throughout various trials in your life??? Best of luck sweetie and if you need to talk, i am always here!

2009wedding Posted: Feb 19, 2008 09:43 AM

Re: I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Linda,

Thank you so much for the advice. I am not sure what I am doing yet but I do know I am not letting her win by ending things with her brother that is what she wants. I love him to death and I do not want to call off the wedding all because of his ***** of a sister. I hope I can end her wrecking my life with out ending things with my fh cause I do love him and he is my best friend and my soul mate. I am going to do everything I can do straighten things out with out going to the extreme of doing that.

JoesFutureWife Posted: Feb 19, 2008 03:00 PM

Re: I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Melinda,
I completely agree with what you're saying. However you and FH need to sit down by yourselves and you need to tell him exactly what she is doing and how you feel. IDK how he sleeps at night knowing that his sister is abusing you because that is exactly what she is doing. He needs to then sit her down just the two of them and talk to her about what is going on. Then the three of you need to sit down and talk about it. Getting FMIL will just make things worse. Either that or call her out. Next time your around his family make sure you're nice to her and ask her how she is in front of everyone so they can hear. If she is nasty simply say once again so everyone can hear something along the lines of 'wow all i asked is how you're doing, is everything ok between us?!' Something needs to come to a head and FH needs to be behind it. If anyone ever treated me like that, family or not, Joe would be defending me to the end of the earth. He would never let someone hurt me like that and neither should your FH. What will happen when you guys have kids??? Will she continue to treat you like this in front of them and treat them like this too??? This needs to be handled now. Once again this will not get better once you are married on it's own. FH needs to step in!

flairforfashion Posted: Feb 19, 2008 03:28 PM

Re: I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Posted by MrsFazz2B
KILL HEr WITH KINDNESS. It works likea charm. And then after you're married, get far away!

I agree on the killing with kindness. That way the other person doesn't have anything bad to say about you! Works everytime! This ***** that you are dealing with this. I hope it gets better for you- I think it will.

2009wedding Posted: Feb 19, 2008 03:28 PM

Re: I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Thank you again for the advice. I have thought about all of that to. What is going to happen when we have kids?? Is she going to keep doing this to me even when we do get married??? I have thought about all of this and more. I am worried also about everything. I know my fh has to back me up and stand up for me. I am trying to get him to do that and see what she does to me. Sometimes she does these things when it is just the two of us so it is just my word against hers. I am going to do my very best to end this and to get her to see this is the way it is going to be my fh and I are getting married weather she likes it or not. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and only him. This nightmare is going to stop. I am going to do my best to get him to see how upset I am about all of this and he needs to control her now. She is the bull in the family and I am not putting up with it. I want a long and happy life with my fh and I will not let my fsil wreck that for me. She hates me then let her hate me but she is not get me to call off my wedding she needs to stop her jealousy and grow up. He needs to stop this crap with his sister and stand up for me.

2009wedding Posted: Feb 19, 2008 03:33 PM

Re: I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Killing her with kindness doesn't work just makes her act like a bigger *****. I will try it again. She will then think she can have whatever she wants from us and get us to do whatever she wants. This bully is good and she knows how to get what she wants. I will kill her with kindness again but then she will try to get what she wants out of my fh and I and try to bully us somemore into buying her things, buying her kids things, taking her kids out, being in my bridal party, finding out things about our wedding planning and whatever else she wants.

LnF0405 Posted: Feb 19, 2008 03:42 PM

Re: I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

Posted by 2009wedding

Killing her with kindness doesn't work just makes her act like a bigger *****. I will try it again. She will then think she can have whatever she wants from us and get us to do whatever she wants. This bully is good and she knows how to get what she wants. I will kill her with kindness again but then she will try to get what she wants out of my fh and I and try to bully us somemore into buying her things, buying her kids things, taking her kids out, being in my bridal party, finding out things about our wedding planning and whatever else she wants.

Did you talk with FH?

2009wedding Posted: Feb 19, 2008 03:50 PM

Re: I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

I have been trying to tell him everything but he says I obsess about her way to much and I should find something else to talk about. I will keep trying to talk to him cause I want this crap to stop and I want her to be nice to me and leave us alone. I want him to see what type of a person she is and what she is doing to me. This is not right or fair what she is doing to me. I want a happy life with my fh and his family.

JoesFutureWife Posted: Feb 19, 2008 07:44 PM

Re: I needed to vent...update...Sorry it is so long but I need to get it all out it is really bothering me and I am very upset about everything)

FH needs to realize what's going on. The fact that he's simply ignoring it and is blaming you for this (saying you can't find anything else to talk about) is completely disturbing. He honestly is trying to avoid confronting her. He needs to grow a pair and stand up for you, otherwise what do you have to base your relationship on?? You cant have faith in someone who will not stand up for you. Once again, this is FH's battle not yours and he needs to realize this. Take the time to think hard and re-evaluate the situation. What does your family have to say about all of this???? They can't be confident in him as your future spouse (regardless of if they love him or not) based on the fact he will not defend you.