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I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

Original post by luvabul

im in tears right now , FH mom is craZy, i tell u crazy, a week ago i had posted up something about her being twisted...and now i just cant take it anymore

I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING

ill update when i stop crying .... sorry, ill write the rest out in a lil bit


UPDATE

Ah… here it goes

All throughout college [undergrad] I had my own apartment, now that im in grad school… I moved back in with my parents to save money and plus my house is kinda big so im just in one corner of the house, don’t get disturbed etc. which is nice.. cuz I adore my parents and I missed spending quality time with them. I have 2 younger brother and 1 younger sister.

My FH lil bro is 14 and and so is my brother- they are/used be BEST FRIENDS. That’s how we kinda met. Anyways my mom is out of the country for 2 weeks, and therefore I assumed all the responsibilities at home, I cook clean, laundry etc… which im not used too lol cuz my mom used to do all that basically.

FH mom knows I guess Im studying for final exams [the semesters about to end] so she offers to send food over, and I told her no its okay I know ur busy too and I don’t want it to be hectic for you thanks..she insists, so I say okay thank u a lot! She said she will come over at 5 pm and I told her no problem , I MAY NOT be home, because I have to run a few errands and get some groceries done. Shes says okay itll be just a few minutes, but if ur not home ill drop it off w/ ur brothers….

Anyways I waited till 5:30 she didn’t come, so I left to go to do my stuff, and she comes over and brings lets call him {brian} … her 14 year old son, who is a rude, bratty, rebel, bad in school, gets in to fights, etc etc…. she drops off the food and my brothers say thank you…and than they ASSUME since my dads at work and my moms not in the country that shes gona leave…but she comes inside and stays in my house on a weekday when the kids have school and HW and stuff to do …she stays over for 1hr 45 minz and asks my brother oh can u please help brian? I don’t know what to do with him, his behavior keeps getting worse and worse? And brian starts yelling back, and in a nut shell they get in to a HUGE FIGHT in my living room for about a good hour, just screaming and cursing back and forth…and meanwhile my 7 year old sister is at home, listening to this and she gets worried n freaked out so she goes to her room and closes the door.

It gets better…my brother is 16 years old he has a licence but clearly my parents do not want him to drive alone… so FMIL and her son are fighting like cats n dogs, and when shes about to leave, shes like go away brian don’t come in my car I don’t wana take you with me, and she asks my brother Steven to DROP HIM OFF INSTEAD….she knows my brothers have to take care of my sister…and she knows hes 16years old and my mom would not want him to take the car out at night… she doesn’t care…she didn’t “feel like taking him” with her, so she just shoves the responsibility on my family I guess.

And last week, on a Wednesday night [school night] she calls my house 12:30AM everyons sleeping mind you…and shes like Brian just broke the shower door. Can I drop him at your house , hes very angry he needs to calm down, maybe u can talk to him? [says this to my brothers] my brother is like umm im SLEEPING, everyone else is sleeping, cant u drop him off tohis cousins house??? And my brother steven is like, “besides my mom is not here, and my dad will leave for work, itll get hectic”

FMIL hears this and gets infuriated and says omg ive never asked you for anything, but just this one time, I wanted him to stay at ur house, u disappointed me”


HELLO!!! My moms not around, my brothers are 16 and 14 and sister is 7, theyre supposed to TAKE CARE OF YOUR WILD SON??? In the MIDDLE of the night??

And what favor is she asking of a freaking 16 year old….

And than she goes to my brother…tell your sister NOT to tell Adam [my FH] …duhh cuz if FH found out she was doing this and disturbing us, he would be infuriated….


I don’t know she does the most disrespectful, inconsiderate things, and mind you they come from a very well educated, rich family… I think shes just crazy.!! How can u fight like an animal in someones house when theyre parents are not home, she made a spectacle of herself infront of my brothers and sister.

Im so pissed off, I went out for like an hour, and she started a huge fight in my living room cursing back and forth, and she even yelled at my brothers… argh … and they think shes crazy…


I TOLD FH – and he goes, well…. Its not that big of a deal calm down, she was probably frustrated…

Well I don’t give a CRAP, u don’t act like that in my house….


Besides that…she called me up today and told me for an hour about how she went to the mall and bought all these pretty dresses for my niece and went shopping for her daughter {FSIL} who I do like very much, but meanwhile she hasn’t done a single thing in regards to the wedding… she hasn’t done her end…


SORRY im so frustrated…theres so much MORE she does i dont know if i can deal with this lady for the rest of my life... some ppl tell me to be careful because you marry in to the family...
but i want it to be just me and FH ...
snydl40 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

What a wacko! I would sit down with your FH and talk long and hard about his mother-than I would sit down with him and his mother and address these issues-she has to realize that this is an inappropriate way to act as an adult.
luvabul Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

thanks ... feeling a bit better...

waterspout4 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

MillerFord742008 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

Dont call off your wedding. You have to tell her something and her SON something so they can know u have bounderies that you want to be respected. Sometimes ppl take things so far because noone says anything. And you are marrying into the family and sometimes you have to deal with their BS and family issues but you have to demand your RESPECT. Fighting in your house is STRAIGHT disrespectful. I am southern raised that is the ultimate disrespect! NOONE should EVER do that! EVER... they should keep that crap over at their house.

And to call someones house at 12:30am OHH HELL NO!! That is a total no no. If her son is out of control guess what that is NOT your problem, your brothers problem...but HER problem. And u really reallly reallly need to let her know that. You do not have to be disrespectful but be very stern in what u say and feel. Because if you dont it's gonna get worse.

Dont cry just think and express yourself to the best of your ability!
Kara and Todd Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

I'm sorry you're going through this. I think I need to offer a slight reality check: I'm not saying you should call off the wedding, but you and FH need to deal with this NOW.

While you're not marrying your FILs, they WILL be a huge part of your life in all likelihood. It sounds like FH has no interest in setting boundaries with his mother or in understanding that what she is doing is wrong.

So, no, don't call off the wedding... but get FH to see your side of this soon. You don't want it to continue to be an issue your entire life.

Sorry to sound harsh... but it appears that this happens a lot - and your FH either defends her or does nothing. You and FH need to have a long talk. You can't have his mother disrespecting you and your family like that. This isn't something that will magically go away once you are married, so the time to start dealing with it is now.
luvabul Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

yea it does happen from time to time... but he never yells at me or gets angry with me, he just gets really frustrated but its his future wife vs. his mom. and hes really close to him mom too... im not asking him not to love her or take care of her i tell him, i just want her to be a SANE NORMAL individual.... he never defends her, i think he just stays quiet... or if it gets so bad- he tells me i make a big deal outta things.

this is the only issue i have ...other than that he's an amazing person... the most caring, funny, good hearted person i know! - and u guys ar right i DONT wana call of the wedding... but i jsut want to fix this issue...i dont want it to be lingering forever... i guess today ill talk to him again..
DandS Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

I am so sorry
MimiMcG Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this! I hope you are feeling better this morning. I have to agree with most of the ladies here, your future is not sacrificing because of FMIL. I for you and FH!!!
ML110 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

Posted by Kara and Todd


You and FH need to have a long talk. You can't have his mother disrespecting you and your family like that. This isn't something that will magically go away once you are married, so the time to start dealing with it is now.


i TOTALLY agree with this! you don't need to call ofr the wedding, but DEFINITELY need to talk to your FI and get this straightened out before the wedding. it won't magically go away. if you guys have kids, they will want FMIL in their life as a grandmother, etc.... and this is beyond her just being 'weird'. shes calling your house AFTER midnight during teh week, and making HER family problems YOUR family problems. thats just unacceptable!!
if theres one thing i've learned its that you have to nip things in the bud. if you ' bite your tongue', like your mom is telling you to do.... all of this will just keep festering inside of you and you'll start taking it out on your FI. beleive me, i've been there, its not good. so definitely talk to your FI and tell him he NEEDS to talk to his mom and get this straightened out before you guys spend the rest of your lives together...
libby2595 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

Toots123 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

Oh, I am so sorry that your FMIL is putting you through this.

I think your FH needs to talk to his mother and let her know that it was absolutely inaappropriate to have your siblings try to mediate a dispute that 'Brian' was having with his Mom. They are obviously having some parenting issues and I cannot imagine any PARENT storming into someone else's house and asking their KIDS to try to talk some sense into another kid. It's just nonsense!

I wonder is she felt more at liberty to do this because she knew your Mom was away but there have to be some boundries.

Have you future inlaws sought some guidance from a professional regarding Brian?
cmc Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

Someone should suggest she go to counseling with him or something. She probably feels overwhelmed and that she can't deal with the situation... NOT that it's ok for her to pawn them off on your family but...

To be honest, I would be livid but just take a step back and don't let this impact your relationship with your FH. I would try to calm down and then have a discussion with him about what you expect for the future in terms of boundaries with outher relatives so you guys are on the same page.

Trust me when I say that there are people from my husbands family as well as my own that make me want to scream (MIL in particular) and I chose to keep somewhat of a distance between me and her. Don't get me wrong, I spend time with her, etc. but we are very different and I think buy keping boundaries it helps us to continue to get along. If there was too much of a comfort there then I think things would get ugly and there would end up being a lot of bad conflict. In a way, this helps to keep the peace.

Hope that helps.
eelharas4700 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

i'm sorry too. i would sit fmil down and tell her, i appreciate you bringing by food, that was very thoughtful. however i felt it was inappropriate the way you and your son carried on infront of my young siblings.....

i have a crazy fsil...but it doesnt even compare. i hope things get better! talk it over with the fh
luvabul Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

it does, my new approach is when i talk to her i will be NICE, but if i dont have to speak to her i wont, im certainly not inviting her over for TEA TIME .... im gona keep my distance,

i just woke up and i feel MUCH better...but FH says i dont give his parents a chance and they are nice? ...i was just SILENT

cuz like my mom says...if u got nothing nice to say dont say it....

so i guess that said it all!
NovemberBride06 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

I totally understand what you are going through, except it's MY mother that does and says crazy things. VERY similar to what you have shared so far. My mother calls at ridiculous hours, expects everyone to do things her way and thinks everyone else is crazy. She also fights with people and makes a spectacle of herself all the time. I can't begin to tell you how many times stores have called the cops on her because she causes a scene and won't leave.

DH really has a hard time dealing with my mom. I've dealt with it for 28 years. I know it's not normal. She is on medication and sees a therapist. But I know how to deal with her. DH is new to this. His parents are completely normal.

Please give it some time. And keep in mind that it may not get better right away. Marriage is a commitment that can be tough at times. But you will get through it. It sounds like your FMIL should see a therapist and find out if she needs to be on medication. Eventually you will find ways to deal with her. I don't think you should call off the wedding because of it. I am so happy my DH has chosen to be with me, despite my mother!

curliegirl Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

sorry to hear your troubles, and I wish I could agree with many of these replies, BUT......

You ARE marrying his family, whether you like it or not. They are a part of his life, and unless he is willing to write them off (not likely it seems), then they are going to become part of your life too.

You need to figure out a way to deal with them ASAP because it will take it's toll on your marriage. Things like this do not change just because you get married, so I suggest you figure this out befor ethe wedding...

Good luck!
KD1279 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

Posted by luvabul

it does, my new approach is when i talk to her i will be NICE, but if i dont have to speak to her i wont, im certainly not inviting her over for TEA TIME .... im gona keep my distance,

i just woke up and i feel MUCH better...but FH says i dont give his parents a chance and they are nice? ...i was just SILENT

cuz like my mom says...if u got nothing nice to say dont say it....

so i guess that said it all!

Put a copy of Monster in law in her stocking this year.
You poor thing you are making her son happy Things will work out. dont call off the wedding beause of her, I can related to the Mammas boy thing Still stuck on the nip.
kitty1224 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

my mom is the crazy one and I get fed up with her all the time. I understand that its tough, but in the end its you and fh, but he needs to talk2 her and tell her to leave you alone.

Renee615 Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

Kerrycec Posted:

Re: I SO WANT TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!! - long

I'm so sorry hun!

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