I swore to my FH I wouldn't do this... VENT

He teased me and said sooner or later I will vent on this site, and I told him no way - but here I go...

Maybe I am seeing things the wrong way - my Mat. of Honor is my stepsister (other MOH is my future stepdaughter...) - I'll refer to her as SSMOH

SSMOH asked to be the MOH, and just to keep the peace I agreed. I knew she wouldnt contribute too much because thats who she is, so I never had expectations - but it's almost like she is being anti-helpful!

1st off, when picking BM and MOH dresses - she wanted me to pick aqua because it would look best with her eyes. I told her as much as her eye color is a priority to me, it wasnt going to happen - I picked sweet pea (light pink - my fave color!)

Then she wanted a dress that would cover her shoulders b/c she gets folliculitis. 1 time asking is ok - but once she becomes a broken record and people in my BP who never met her before ask me - what the heck is up with her - enough is enough....

It's just that everything is about her all the time, and its annoying - I joked with my FH and told him maybe we'll just put her in the wedding gown to shut her up...

She also told me to ask my photyographer to take pics of her and her family at the wedding. My photog specializes in candids, and we want few posed pics. I told her this and she asked me to make sure to make an exception for her!!!


ALSO - last night, she asked me to ask the DJ tyo play her and her hubby's wedding song, since she did it for our other sister and it's only fair she should get that too (our other sister died of cancer 5 years ago - I could use her input for stuff like that to tell you the truth)

I didnt want to argue, so I said - we'll see - maybe (you know - the placating thing) and she kept on harping on it...

Anytime she sees something wedding related, she emails or calls my stepmom and not me!!! She is so removed from this whole thing - I just never thought it would be this bad!

Anyhoo - I had to vent... Can anyone relate, help, etc????

About the song thing. Tell her you asked him to play it and tell him to 'conveniently' NOT play it. Have it written into your contract - or make it VERY clear that under NO circumstances is he to take requests from anyone other than you or your FH. We told that to our bandleader - no requests and NOBODY takes the microphone UNLESS they are hired entertainment. I don't need a drunk cousin who thinks they can sing to ruin our wedding - AND IT HAPPENS.

As far as the pictures go, I wouldnt go out of your way to have the photographer take pictures of the family if you dont want them too. You can have him 'fake the flash' as some photographers told us they did this when we were interviewing photographers. Let her think they are snapping pics when they arent.

As far as the dress goes. Order her a shawl and that should shut her up. Ignore her requests on colors. I have an MOH who requested sleeves too. When she saw that there are very few dresses with sleeves that do NOT look dowdy, she took it upon herself to order a shawl and did not impose that purchase on anyone else. It was an extra $75. I couldnt ask anyone to do that.

Good luck.

sorry u r going throug this!!!

I have to say with my fsil's pretty much the same thing everything has to be compared to the ones wedding, and the other is heavy which i took into consideration when picking dresses i did not want her to be uncomfortabel BUT she basically told me what she was wearing and doing, and it really pi@@ed me off. I would never act this way if i were in a wedding , and never have its crazy!!!! where do people get off???? well i hope it gets better

sometimes we have to vent!!!! lol

Wow! First off, she seems to be forgetting that this wedding isn't hers, it's yours. What if you sat her down and talked to her and let her know while you would love to be able to accomodate various requests from various family members, it's just not feasible since you and FH want to make sure that YOUR day is perfect for YOU AND FH. (Sorry for the caps...just trying to make a point! ) If you talk to her and then she still insists on pressuring you, I would let her know that it's okay if she wants to step aside and let someone else who understands the role of MOH take her place. She does not at all sound like she's being supportive of you and that is exactly what a MOH is supposed to do. I know you said you agreed to 'keep the peace' but is it worth it in the long run when she is making you so stressed out? JMHO.

Good luck!

---

Posted by EmberLynn

At first I thought she was a teenager. I would expect that from a 13 yr old kid. But shes married? thats just messed up. She should understand as a bride herself.

---

that is what I thought like she needs to grow up

Funny that you guys thought she was younger - she is 38 or 39, but she is a perpetual whiny teenager - she has arrested development and I've known her almost my whole life, so like I said, I knew what I was getting myself into - she does act extremely immature, and its all about her - funny you all picked that up from one post, while I have known her for almost 25 years!

I just tell her - ok, ok - and she knows its going in 1 ear and out the other... as for 'faking' pics or telling the DJ specifically not to play a song, I just dont think I can do that - I already spoke to the photog. to let her know, and she was great - she told me if she has time and the moment works for us where we are not photographically accessible, she will squeeze them in - otherwise she wont do it, and she will tell them that... and as far as the song goes, I'm fine with playing it (I mean - it IS Elton John - Your song - which I like as well) it's just she is being so presumptuous about it... and so whiny about it...

BTW - she did order a shawl to go with the dress, but she was STILL talking about how she needed it while ordering it at the shop! My other BMs were like - okaaaayyeee already!!! LOL...

As for being supportive, no she is not - I have a BM who is the most supportive and I would have made her MOH instead, but what can you do - she is great - always looking for things and places to go for the bachelorette party - I dont know what I would do w/o her - I will get her somehting special to thank her so she knows how I feel...

anyhoo - thanks for the support ladies - unfortunately, you get what you get when it comes to family - and you have to deal with those personalities no matter what, and of course the hardest personalities are the ones that don't budge for anyone...

SIIGGGgghhhhhhh

remember principles before personalities every time you make a decision...

if it's not what you want, voice that to whomever is asking for what they want....