So, one of my BMs has been my best friend since I'm age 3. She is heavier these days than she's ever been before (and has HUGE chest to boot).
I had one of my other BMs, who is usually about a size 8 or 10, go shopping for BM dresses without me. She found one she loved, but said it ran VERY small and that she suspected she would need about a size 14, and that my best friend would probably need an 18.
I told my best friend I suspected she would need that size, and she seemed hurt. I explained to her that I know she's not an 18, but that it's just that this dress runs very small, but she seemed depressed. This has sort of been an ongoing problem, because she's been sort of sheepish when we go BM dress shopping because she can almost never get into the sample.
Any idea how I should handle this in the future, to avoid hurting her feelings? I'm feeling really bad...
danibrwneyes
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Re: I think I hurt my BM...
Posted by SusiBtoM
The size number is INSIDE the dress. No one will see it. Take it from a 'big' girl. I've always been bigger than my friends, and I'm tall on top of it.
Nothing you can say or do will make your BM feel better. It has to come from herself. When my best friend got married, there were 8 of us in the BP. I was the biggest and the tallest. Dress sizes ranged from 2 to my 18. We all looked DAMN good in our dresses, and with my height, I was able to really carry it off. That was 15 years ago.
I'm still a 'big' girl and my wedding dress is a size 22. So what. I feel gorgeous in it.
You are absolutly right and I am a big girl too. Your friend is going to look beautiful no matter what....big or small
Kara and Todd
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Re: I think I hurt my BM...
I'm sorry, but a 12 - 14 isn't that large. I don't understand why you felt the need to tell her she would need an 18.
If you picked that dress, she'd have gone to get measured and that would have been that. I think if someone came to me and said 'we found this dress, but you'll probably need a size 18' -- no matter how innocently they meant it, I'd probably be upset by it.
Honestly, don't mention size again. There's just no need.
minibride08
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Re: I think I hurt my BM...
It's crazy how these sizes run. My wedding dress is a Pronovias, which runs very small. I wear a size 8 and had to order a size 16!! However, my best friend (who wears a size 4) is also wearing Pronovias and had to order a size 10. That made me feel better to hear... I agree maybe sharing with your friend how others have to order larger sizes may help ease her mind (knowing the size 8 friend has to order a 12). Also, if she insists ordering a smaller size, and says she's really going to lose weight, you can just support her there and keep your fingers crossed the dress fits! Maybe your wedding will be motivation for her to get healthy :)
LitBallerinaGirl
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Re: I think I hurt my BM...
Sounds like your BM is feeling a bit self conscious. She probably realizes that she has put on some weight and it is probably a really sore issue for her. Just keep reassuring her that the dresses that you are looking at are beautiful and flattering for every figure.
BNBride60
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Re: I think I hurt my BM...
Posted by Kara and Todd
I'm sorry, but a 12 - 14 isn't that large. I don't understand why you felt the need to tell her she would need an 18.
If you picked that dress, she'd have gone to get measured and that would have been that. I think if someone came to me and said 'we found this dress, but you'll probably need a size 18' -- no matter how innocently they meant it, I'd probably be upset by it.
Honestly, don't mention size again. There's just no need.
I don't think think this incident is how you're thinking it was. This has been a concern of hers from the beginning (sizes). As I posted above, I was telling her because I anticipated a freak out in the store when she saw it was an 18.
A 12 or 14 is NOT that big and I never meant to imply that I thought so - what I am saying is that for her, this is her personal heaviest and she is depressed about it and it's an open topic of conversation between us. The reason I told her was not to upset her or just say hey, youre an 18 - I was telling her because I wanted her to be prepared that the dress would run small. HOwever, when I told her, I think she got depressed at the thought (which is exactly what I expected).
I'm more looking for how to handle her depression over this issue, because we have discussed it in the past (with her initiating, not me) and it's going to come up again. I love her dearly and like a sister, and it's hard to see her this depressed.
BNBride60
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Re: I think I hurt my BM...
Posted by LitBallerinaGirl
Sounds like your BM is feeling a bit self conscious. She probably realizes that she has put on some weight and it is probably a really sore issue for her. Just keep reassuring her that the dresses that you are looking at are beautiful and flattering for every figure.
