I think I'm going to cry...

I'm sorry - I know this is really long, but I'm in PA this weekend, no where near my family & friends so I have no one else to vent to

My FH & I just drove here with his much younger brother (7 years) to visit their dad & my FMIL. So we're having a good time when suddenly his brother brings the wedding up..which would have been fine but it snowballs & it suddenly comes out that HIS girlfriend is really, REALLLLLLLY upset that I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid (he vehemently denies it, but it was VERY clear he felt the same way). She apparently feels that she will now feel 'out of place' that day because she's not family & not a bridal party member. I love this girl, but she's been away at college for the bulk of the 2 1/2 years I've been around, so if you put it all together we've maybe hung out 10, 15 times max...I don't 'really' know her & she's not my FH's sister!! But wait, it gets better...she also apparently feels that 'she has been around longer than I have so she SHOULD have been asked to be in the bridal party.' Ummm...so you've know my FH & his family 2+ years more than I have so you have more of a right to be one of my BMs than my best friends of 21 years & my sis-in-law?!?! W T F?!?! They both really feel that since she's been around longer than I have that their opinions & feelings about how we should do our wedding are more important & should mean more to my FH than mine do!!! Oh and then it was questioned why my brothers - my BLOOD - got to be groomsmen when his GF (not even his FW!!!) wasn't given the same consideration as them! I was actually asked if that had been my idea to take away from his friends to replace with my family and if so why I didn't give [my FH] the same consideration?

I can't win. I'm exhausted. It never even dawned on me to ask this girl, but now apparently there's been all this bad blood brewing out there & directed at me from his bro & his GF over this. I'm apparently a thoughtless & rude *****. I know that it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I considered these people friends, but it seems that they're both mad at me & talk about me now over this. What is it about weddings? WHY does it bring out the worst in people? I've been trying my best to be good and conscientious (sp?) and to try and keep everyone as happy as can be and while I know that's impossible, I never dreamed that I'd be full-on pissing people off like this, unintentionally, but I'm doing it all the same. Thankfully my FH was just as shocked & called his bro on everything & said it was ridiulous, but the damage is done. I just don't know what to do....

Thanks for letting me get that off of my chest...

First off, lots and lots of for you. You shouldn't have to go through that and they are being quite selfish by even saying something to you and your FH. I'm sorry that you had to hear that.

Second, I think their point is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard of. This is your wedding, you aren't close friends with this girl, she is not your FSIL, and you are right--no way are you not going to have your long time friends be BM for someone you've only seen a handful of times. I'm glad that your FH saw the nonsense for what it was, at least.

Honestly, don't worry about it. They are having an incredibly childish reaction to it, and you shouldn't let it get to you or let it be a cloud hanging over you. You will have a beautiful wedding with your closest friends and family around you, and it shouldn't be your problem if someone lets their insecurities and jealousy make them feel like a third wheel.

We're here for you if you need to vent more!

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Posted by Cpt2007

First off, lots and lots of for you. You shouldn't have to go through that and they are being quite selfish by even saying something to you and your FH. I'm sorry that you had to hear that.

Second, I think their point is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard of. This is your wedding, you aren't close friends with this girl, she is not your FSIL, and you are right--no way are you not going to have your long time friends be BM for someone you've only seen a handful of times. I'm glad that your FH saw the nonsense for what it was, at least.

Honestly, don't worry about it. They are having an incredibly childish reaction to it, and you shouldn't let it get to you or let it be a cloud hanging over you. You will have a beautiful wedding with your closest friends and family around you, and it shouldn't be your problem if someone lets their insecurities and jealousy make them feel like a third wheel.

We're here for you if you need to vent more!

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Well said

Try to just ignore it and let them know this is something you are NOT comfortable doing (asking her). And they should respect that and understand........

Good luck!

Ya know what... let his brother be pisssed, who cares! He's acting like a child who hasn't gotten his way, his GF is acting that way too... screw 'em both! They'll get over it.

I'm glad you and FH didn't back down and give hinto his bullshiit. I hope it hasn't ruined your weekend... don't let it!

If this girl friend is soooo important to the family and been around longer than you, why aren't the engaged yet? This is stupid. I wouldn't let it bother you. You did right. There is no reason she should have been asked to be in your bridal party.

Wow, I am sorry. Why is it that other people place such demands/expectations and stress us out when it is supposed The Brides important day??

I know exactly how you feel. You feel like you have done so much to put your wedding together and think of everyone and here you get this low-blow.


I persoanlly don't think you should feel bad at all because I think that girl is rude! II had the same problem with the girlfriend situation. I am still having that problem that she is feeling 'left out'.


Instead of getting hurt or feeling like you did something wrong, get mad at them. Think of how rude they are! How dare people expect you to explain yourself when it's YOUR wedding.

You sound like you are very sweet and that you care deeply about other's feelings, but in this whole process I had to let go of the guilt and ignore people.
You are never going to make everyone happy so you might as well make yourself feel good.

Lots of
fpr you.

Good Luck!!!!!

Sorry to hear that you're going through that. Don't feel bad about it. Honestly, being a BM costs a lot. I know some girls try to shy away from it b/c they don't want to spend money on a dress, deal w/ responsibilities, pay for the shower, bachelorette party and etc. Sometimes we can't please everyone and ultimately they have to respect your decisions and understand that it is you and your FH's wedding not theirs. I'm sure once they start planning their own wedding, they will understand.

You are NOT wrong at all! Tell the GF to get over it...she is probably just jealous you are gettting married first!

Ugh!! I am so sorry that you have to deal with people who think they should have a say in your wedding! FILs or not! I think that if anyone has anything to say about who are your BMs, you should tell them to mind their own business! You picked your BMs for a reason...it's your wedding...and you should do what you and FH want!! Here are some hugs for ya sweetie...stay strong!

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Posted by AMGBride2008



Ya know what... let his brother be pisssed, who cares! He's acting like a child who hasn't gotten his way, his GF is acting that way too... screw 'em both! They'll get over it.

I'm glad you and FH didn't back down and give hinto his bullshiit. I hope it hasn't ruined your weekend... don't let it!

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I completely agree. Where does he get off-and her for that matter in telling you she should have been part of it??? I love how people think they are more important then they actually are in the lives of others. If that was the case where was she during this?

I didnt have my SIL in the bridal party because I chose not too! We arent close and most likely never will be.

I think they both need to get over it-its not their day to be attention whores and that is how they are acting

Wow, you are selfish because your wedding day should be somewhat about...GASP...you!? They should be ashamed of themselves for having a free-for-all at your expense after you took the time to travel what I know is many hours to come spend quality time with them! And why would it matter whether FBIL's GF was with him since,lets say, they were in preschool? This is a person who doesn't spend time with you! Does she ever think that #1:she is not FBIL's wife or even fiancee and #2: maybe if she made an effort to actually become a good friend, you might have felt differently! And even if you didn't ask her to be in the BP, THAT IS YOUR CHOICE! It is your day and you are entitled to be surrounded by people who have been by your side. This should not be made political..and props to FH for calling him out! You have a good egg there! Please try not to let their rudeness get to you, they sound like a bunch of stupid A$$holes!

And note to GF: you don't have a ring on your finger-you are not family, and you shouldn't expect to be considered as such! Little Miss Prissy Pants should get over herself, because being a big girl means that not everything is about her!

You deserve all the happiness in the world, so screw em'!

I agree with everyone she should not be expected to be in the bridal party. Even though they been together 2+ years she isnt really considered family only a girlfriend. Also just becasue his parents know her better doesnt mean you do. I just think this girl is jealous because your going first and she is still waiting. Tell her to grow up and act her age. Don't let this ruin your beautiful day. You have other things to worry about then this petty stuff.

I am sorry that you had to deal with that....I agree with you on all points...you are right ..please do not let it get you down..

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Posted by Mich0621

Wow, you are selfish because your wedding day should be somewhat about...GASP...you!? They should be ashamed of themselves for having a free-for-all at your expense after you took the time to travel what I know is many hours to come spend quality time with them! And why would it matter whether FBIL's GF was with him since,lets say, they were in preschool? This is a person who doesn't spend time with you! Does she ever think that #1:she is not FBIL's wife or even fiancee and #2: maybe if she made an effort to actually become a good friend, you might have felt differently! And even if you didn't ask her to be in the BP, THAT IS YOUR CHOICE! It is your day and you are entitled to be surrounded by people who have been by your side. This should not be made political..and props to FH for calling him out! You have a good egg there! Please try not to let their rudeness get to you, they sound like a bunch of stupid A$$holes!

And note to GF: you don't have a ring on your finger-you are not family, and you shouldn't expect to be considered as such! Little Miss Prissy Pants should get over herself, because being a big girl means that not everything is about her!

You deserve all the happiness in the world, so screw em'!

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ITA!! well said!!

missy, i am so sorry you have to deal with such selfish people!!

Here are some hugs

Don't cry. Everything is going to be okay. Your wedding is in November. Family and Friends need to realized that all your wedding plans are now finalized. She needs to understand that she should be happy that she is invited to the wedding.

If she did not make a big deal about it may be you might of asked her to help you out by handing out programs and bubbles at the ceremony but it seems that they are making a big issue over this. My FH and I had our share of issues. We did give in but we have learn that from now on we have to put our foot down. That is one piece of advice we can share with every bride and groom to put your foot down because it's your day not theirs.

~dancer and chef~
charlotte and michael

Thank you ALL so SOOOOO much!!! Each & every one of you has made me feel so much better

It's so weird how sometimes you know you didn't do anything wrong, but you still feel bad about it...I was so upset that I spent most of last night awake, but after a nice relaxing day (with many beers! lol) at the family BBQ I feel much better about things. My FH is a total doll & when he saw that I was still bothered this a.m. talked me out of my funk & convinced me to try & not let it get to me...in his own words, 'they're nuts & unfortunately there's nothing that we can do about it but ignore them & forget about it - it's not worth the time & energy.' You've all just confirmed that, so I'm really going to work on letting this stuff slide from now on...it's nice to know that I have all of you gals here to help me. Thanks SO much!

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Posted by Regal Beagle

Wow, I am sorry. Why is it that other people place such demands/expectations and stress us out when it is supposed The Brides important day??

I know exactly how you feel. You feel like you have done so much to put your wedding together and think of everyone and here you get this low-blow.

I persoanlly don't think you should feel bad at all because I think that girl is rude! II had the same problem with the girlfriend situation. I am still having that problem that she is feeling 'left out'.

Instead of getting hurt or feeling like you did something wrong, get mad at them. Think of how rude they are! How dare people expect you to explain yourself when it's YOUR wedding.

You sound like you are very sweet and that you care deeply about other's feelings, but in this whole process I had to let go of the guilt and ignore people.
You are never going to make everyone happy so you might as well make yourself feel good.

Lots of
fpr you.

Good Luck!!!!!

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Thanks SOOO much!! You hit the nail on the head - I'm really trying my best to include everyone & to make them happy and this felt like a real low blow. I'm so sorry that you had to go through the same thing, though...it's unreal that this is a 'common' thing I have never expected anything of my family or friends that have gotten married (other than a fun party!), so it's unreal the things that I've been seen & heard since we've gotten engaged. It's supposed to be a happy time, but people just seem to lose their manners when talking to us...no topic is taboo, demands are frequently made & all opinions are shared & spoken without reserve. I'm just having a tough time understanding it lately. If YOU ever need to vent about this, please feel free to FM me - I'm here for you too!!!

I will just give you hugs. This is horrible that you have to deal with this during thehappiest time of your life. Lots and lots of hugs for you. You stick to what you want and what makes you happy. Its your wedding and in the end it will all work out.

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Posted by JMM7876

You are NOT wrong at all! Tell the GF to get over it...she is probably just jealous you are gettting married first!

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Funny you should say that, because one of the FEW comments I actually let loose with during the 'conversation' was that exact same one...and his bro got quiet and then agreed that this was probably 'part' of the problem. Umm yeah, me thinks that's the ENTIRE problem

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Posted by PegaLega

I think they both need to get over it-its not their day to be attention whores and that is how they are acting

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Thanks!