I think i'm gonna call it off....

I am so sorry. If you and FH are really in love and know it is right for the both of you but the planning is too much, maybe eloping or something could be better for you. Good luck.

If you are having doubts, I do think you should listen to them. That said, I'm not sure what your real wedding date is, but if it's a ways off, it should be easy to postpone. Explain to FH that you are having doubts and tell him what you thought about the planning process. If your wedding is coming up soon, I think you should still postpone, even if it means losing money and returning gifts. You have a lifetime ahead of you, and you don't want to spend it with the wrong person.

I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this. I did myself years ago. Never should have gotten engaged to the guy, when he proposed some voice in my head was saying, 'No!' Anyway, we began the planning, and his negative qualities became magnified. So I told him I wanted to postpone the planning, he agreed, but he told no one. The last straw for me was going to his parent's house about two weeks after this, and having his mother and aunts swoop down and ask how the planning was going, while he's standing in the corner smiling! I knew I couldn't marry him after that.

Do what you need to do, and definitely don't marry someone if you aren't sure about it.

I had a similar situation with an ex.. we were not engaged, but pretty close. His father hated me and made it very clear how he felt. For the first few years of the relationship it was tolerable, but as he saw we were getting serious, he got worse.. The ex was making payments for a ring (I didn't know this until after we broke up) and things got really out of hand. I loved the guy, but I had the same thoughts you do - how am I going to go through this for the rest of my life? The ex was not supportive at all, he always chose his father over me, and that is really what caused me to realize I had to leave him. If I had married this guy, my life would have been miserable. He was daddy's boy.. always asking his father things before me and always listening to his opinion over mine. I know that I would have already been divorced by now if I had stayed with him.
You need to sit down and talk to FH about this.. is he supportive of you? Or does he always defend his dad? If he is willing to say 'Dad shut up' ... but if not.....
I know its the hardest decision, but you have to think about your future and your life. You are marrying into a family, and if that family is going to make you miserable, then what kind of life are you going to have?
I have to agree with the other ladies on here, if you are having doubts then that is a real sign.

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Posted by erica1030

I have to be honest. I think if your having any doubts at all, it's a sign that you should be listening to. Always listen to yourself and the right way will find itself. Feel better sweetie.

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I agree with this...but just wanted to add, that you should really think if you can live with his family too. I think the old saying 'You marry the man AND his family' is very true. Do you think, or should I say know, that y'all's love is enough? Can you see yourself married to him in 50 years? I just want to say that I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this Just take some time for yourself and think, really think about what you want and are willing to live with...and above all DON'T SETTLE!!!! You are too wonderful to settle for something that is 'right now' but might not be 'right forever'. Good luck, you will be in my thoughts

Don't ignore the doubts that you have. It's a telling sign that your mother has asked you to call it off. Please take a step back and think about what truly would be best for you.

You deserve to live a good and happy life.

thanks everyone for all the support!! i wish i could tell you all everything that's been going on, but it would be a novel! FH has been very selfish in this wedding planning process. Im an out of town bride, and he didnt even give me a chance to make a case to have the wedding in my hometown. i didnt even have a choice in picking the reception venue...when i made suggestions of other places, all he said was, 'well i like this hall, and we're doing it here.'

And after all of these demands about what city the wedding should be and what reception hall, his family has the audacity to try to bargain with my parents about how much money they should be contributing! Hello, 3/4 of the guests are YOUR guests and YOU were the ones who wanted a LI wedding!!! My parents didnt ask for this wedding to cost 100k...they did! When my dad suggested cutting down wedding costs, his father said, 'i cannot go cheap on this wedding' Well if you want this grand wedding, pay for it you A#$%hole, and stop complaining about money!!!


his parents are very rude to me and my family. I've been interrogated and disrespected by his father, and when I voiced this to FH, all he could say was, 'well that's how my father is and i'm sure he didnt mean any harm by it.' FH's mother had to call me to apologize...his father has too much pride to ever apologize to anyone! His parents are control freaks---his mother has called me THREE times to voice her concern over the color of my dress (which is ivory) and why it isnt 'pure white'. His parents have also stated (and brainwashed FH) into the idea that we need to have 'gold' wedding bands, which im vehemently against.

okay i see that this has turned out to be the novel that i promised it wouldnt be. i think i've pretty much made up my mind at this point, i just hope i'm strong enough to stick to my decision.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was once in your situation as well and I know it's tough. But if you say you truly love your FH and he loves you, it's worth a shot to give it another try. Sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and your thoughts of calling off this wedding and see how he reacts to it and take it from there.

Hang in there sweetie.

Instead of flat out calling the wedding off, why don't you postpone it for now. You and FH obviously have some issues that need to be dealt with before you can move on. His family doesn't need to love you, but they do need to treat you with respect. If you can't work through these things, than it's possible that you will be unhappy for a very long time- and none of us want that for you.

im so sorry to hear this...i had similar feelings too. you have to sit back and think it though for yourself...then speak to only your FH and discuss with him.
best of luck, believe me I understand :)

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Posted by nferrandi

Instead of flat out calling the wedding off, why don't you postpone it for now. You and FH obviously have some issues that need to be dealt with before you can move on. His family doesn't need to love you, but they do need to treat you with respect. If you can't work through these things, than it's possible that you will be unhappy for a very long time- and none of us want that for you.

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I couldn't have said it better. Sounds like the majority of the problems are coming from your FH's family, not necessarily your FH. Either way, postponing or calling it off sounds like it might be the best thing to do right now.

Good luck.. stay strong.. Your situation sounds an awful lot like the one I was in...
If he doesn't listen to your thoughts and opinions now... and values his parents thoughts over yours, and lets them brainwash him.. then he always will... About the wedding, about where you live, about kids... about everything..

Im so sorry This has to be very overwhelming and stressing for you. I hope it works out for you either way. All my best wishes for you

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Posted by Shorty McBride

oh honey, first, s

I really think that you should grab a piece of paper, and list your doubts. I know for me, personally, it's much easier to sort through and make sense of my thoughts when they're on PAPER and easy to see.

It sounds cheesy, but do the old (+) on one side, and (-) on the other. Weigh your options, and decide what is best for YOU.

Just want you to know that we're all here for you, no matter what you decide to do.

Hang in there.

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I agree...but dont let him find it....GOD remember the friends episode where ross listed rachels good and bads and she saw all the bad...so after u are done writing it up i say burn it or shred it or something

I have to agree with everyone else. If you have any doubts now, imagine how it will be down the road.... You need to sit down and do whats best for you. I hope everything works out and know that we will always be here to talk if you are feeling down. Sending lots of virtual hugs over your way

Honey, I'm so sorry! I suggest you talk to him. Last week I was on the boards upset that FH was going out w/ the boys & I was at home, it tured out he was just being there for a friend.
If your FH is really involved in the planning that's a good thing, he's excited & interested in it! However you need to talk w/ him first then approach his father & tell him he's overstepping boundries and he's already has his wedding this time it's yours & FH's turn to make the decisions, regardless of who's paying. Also see if FH can talk to him about the way he's treating you & your Family.

I wish you the best luck!

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Posted by seriousdoubts

FH has been very selfish in this wedding planning process. Im an out of town bride, and he didnt even give me a chance to make a case to have the wedding in my hometown.

i didnt even have a choice in picking the reception venue...when i made suggestions of other places, all he said was, 'well i like this hall, and we're doing it here.'

And after all of these demands about what city the wedding should be and what reception hall, his family has the audacity to try to bargain with my parents about how much money they should be contributing! Hello, 3/4 of the guests are YOUR guests and YOU were the ones who wanted a LI wedding!!!

My parents didnt ask for this wedding to cost 100k...they did!

When my dad suggested cutting down wedding costs, his father said, 'i cannot go cheap on this wedding' Well if you want this grand wedding, pay for it you A#$%hole, and stop complaining about money!!!

his parents are very rude to me and my family.

I've been interrogated and disrespected by his father, and when I voiced this to FH, all he could say was,

'well that's how my father is and i'm sure he didnt mean any harm by it.'

FH's mother had to call me to apologize...his father has too much pride to ever apologize to anyone!

His parents are control freaks---his mother has called me THREE times to voice her concern over the color of my dress (which is ivory) and why it isnt 'pure white'.

His parents have also stated (and brainwashed FH) into the idea that we need to have 'gold' wedding bands, which im vehemently against.

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All I can say is WOW!!!!!! It sounds like the FFIL more so than the rest and FFIL has swayed everyone else in his family to go along with him on every aspect. And saying 'that's just the way he is' doesn't excuse his crappy behavior.

Just remember, marriage will not change any of these things. Marriage will make the issues with your FI & his family permanent.

I am so sorry you are going through this.