I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

Ok, I'm so not going to go into the whole thing, but quick details....FSIL took a job a few weeks ago because her and her husband are so in debt that they are probably going to lose their house. They charge up their credit cards and can't afford their mortgage. So now JT's niece is in school full day, so his sister thought it was a great time to get a job. Great, I'm very happy for her. Well, I ask FMIL tonight how FSIL likes her job and she said, 'Oh, she got fired. Her boss made her choose between her child or her job!' And so I asked her what she was talking about and she went into a rant about how JT's niece is suffering because FSIL got a job and where are the values, how dare a mom work, etc, etc. So I got IRRATE. I was absolutely LIVID. She kept going on and on about how I will be an unfit mother because I want to continue working when we have children. She said that it must just be HER who cares about children, and I just had to stop her there and LET HER HAVE IT. I am an F-ing TEACHER and she had the balls to tell me that I DON'T CARE ABOUT CHILDREN? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THIS WOMAN! Anyway, I will not go on about this, but I needed to vent. So to sum it up, I tore her a new one, she shut up and I found out that JT's sister quit her job because his mother told her she was a bad parent for working. So now they might lose their house, but at least FMIL thinks they're good parents. I can't believe these people are going to be my in-laws

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

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Posted by prncssrachel

Ok, I'm so not going to go into the whole thing, but quick details....FSIL took a job a few weeks ago because her and her husband are so in debt that they are probably going to lose their house. They charge up their credit cards and can't afford their mortgage. So now JT's niece is in school full day, so his sister thought it was a great time to get a job. Great, I'm very happy for her. Well, I ask FMIL tonight how FSIL likes her job and she said, 'Oh, she got fired. Her boss made her choose between her child or her job!' And so I asked her what she was talking about and she went into a rant about how JT's niece is suffering because FSIL got a job and where are the values, how dare a mom work, etc, etc. So I got IRRATE. I was absolutely LIVID. She kept going on and on about how I will be an unfit mother because I want to continue working when we have children. She said that it must just be HER who cares about children, and I just had to stop her there and LET HER HAVE IT. I am an F-ing TEACHER and she had the balls to tell me that I DON'T CARE ABOUT CHILDREN? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THIS WOMAN! Anyway, I will not go on about this, but I needed to vent. So to sum it up, I tore her a new one, she shut up and I found out that JT's sister quit her job because his mother told her she was a bad parent for working. So now they might lose their house, but at least FMIL thinks they're good parents. I can't believe these people are going to be my in-laws

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You go girl!

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

Good for you! Glad you set her straight. Hopefully your FSIL will stop listening to your FMIL and go back to work one day.

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

mom went back to work when my little sister was in the 1st grade. we turned out just fine. does she know that plenty of mothers work.

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

What a wretch...to me it sounds like she was being a good parent by trying to keep a roof over her daughters head!!!

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

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Posted by Happybride2005
does she know that plenty of mothers work.

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Apparently since she didn't work at all when they were kids, then that MUST be the right thing for everyone. I tried explaining to her that every family does what's best for them, but it freaking fell on deaf ears. That's when I started to yell. She is so ignorant.

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

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Posted by prncssrachel

Ok, I'm so not going to go into the whole thing, but quick details....FSIL took a job a few weeks ago because her and her husband are so in debt that they are probably going to lose their house. They charge up their credit cards and can't afford their mortgage. So now JT's niece is in school full day, so his sister thought it was a great time to get a job. Great, I'm very happy for her. Well, I ask FMIL tonight how FSIL likes her job and she said, 'Oh, she got fired. Her boss made her choose between her child or her job!' And so I asked her what she was talking about and she went into a rant about how JT's niece is suffering because FSIL got a job and where are the values, how dare a mom work, etc, etc. So I got IRRATE. I was absolutely LIVID. She kept going on and on about how I will be an unfit mother because I want to continue working when we have children. She said that it must just be HER who cares about children, and I just had to stop her there and LET HER HAVE IT. I am an F-ing TEACHER and she had the balls to tell me that I DON'T CARE ABOUT CHILDREN? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THIS WOMAN! Anyway, I will not go on about this, but I needed to vent. So to sum it up, I tore her a new one, she shut up and I found out that JT's sister quit her job because his mother told her she was a bad parent for working. So now they might lose their house, but at least FMIL thinks they're good parents. I can't believe these people are going to be my in-laws

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OK then tell her you'll stay home if she pays your $2000K mortgage payment, two car payments, insurance. This is an incredibly expensive place to live.

Did you ever think that perhaps she is jealous because she may have wanted to work all of those years but couldn't because her husband didn't want her to, she felt guilty or didn't have the proper training/education and was afraid to go back?

That's probably what it is.

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

holy crap, that is so out of line, on her part. has she ever worked a day in her life? or is she the old school, take care of my family type? oy, this really ticks me off. my fmil is the same way. she does not want to work, she thinks she needs to stay home for her kids. did the mention the 'kids' are 19, 21 and 25?? and she only works part time as a teachers aide, nothing wrong with that, i know. but she has no aspirations other then that, she has never had a real job. and don't get me wrong, fi is not well off by any means. we both come from middle class, both parents work, background. the 2 of them should get together, my fmil and yours. they can commerisate together. oh yeah, she wants to quit her job when i have kids so she can watch them. no way jose. not a chance in hell.

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

Yeah, well, FFIL tried to get her to work for years....she just has no desire to and is lazy. That's her main problem. PLUS, for someone who refuses to work, she should not complain about not having ANY money.
Look, whatever HER reasons for not working were, they were fine as far as I'm concerned, but don't tell your own daughter, who is struggling terribly to make ends meet, that she is a bad mother because she got a job, that's just ridiculous. She honestly believes you're a bad mother if you don't stay home and make your children your only life. That works for some people, but it certainly doesn't work for everyone, and she has no right to make anyone feel bad for their choice.
Not only that, but this is the woman who claims she was the best mother on the face of the earth.....well, talk to her son...he paints a terribly opposite picture. She would LIE to him his ENTIRE life to keep him inside. He was not allowed to have friends and spent every afternoon of everyday inside. When he FINALLY was able to free himself from her grip, she disowned him for wanting to better his life with an education. So she has NO right to impose her opinions on me when she royalled f-cked up my fiance's life for the first 18 years he was on this earth. I'll be damned if she thinks she's going to get her way with me. She's got another thing coming to her if she thinks that I will tolerate her ranting and raving about what is best for me and my family.
God, i'm sorry. I am just still so heated over this and her in general.

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

okay deep breaths.. i see how you are soo heated and although i don't know you or your fi, from reading your posts i see where this woman deserves to be torn a new one. question - does she get off on misery? not inflicting, just spreading bad news. ie, my fi's grandmother passed away last december and she seriously cannot stop talking about it. its like the munchausen by proxy syndrome. she needs everyone to feel badly for her. so, i hear what you are saying. i think its best if you and your fi just cut ties with her, and she how she deals with that. i would never call a woman a bad mother for choosing to work. especially if there is a financial crisis that affects the whole family. the situation just sucks and the best way to deal with it, is to just ignore her.

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

Put it this way.....she's now had cancer THREE times. Three times she's been told by her doctors it's directly from her smoking like forty packs of cigarettes a day....WELL...she has convinced herself the doctors caused her cancer and she has nothing to do with it. She will tell you bold faced that the doctor who treated her last cancer tried to kill her because he gave her radiation...which, by the way, saved her life, not ruined it. When I first started dating JT, I broke my ankle and had no one to help me out when my family was on vacation, so JT came and stayed with me...but his mother, who was cancer free at the time for like 4 years already, called a bazillion times to say how dare he leave his dying mother to go take care of me.
So, I just hate her in general.
JT will not cut ties with her, though. I've tried to get him too, but he won't. She makes him miserable, yet he stands by her. Luckily he knows she an as-hole and doesn't take her seriously, but he also refuses to confront her abotu anyhting. It's an issue with us. So there's obviously more wrapped up in this than just what happened tonight, but man, it just builds sometimes and I explode

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

You might want to be careful though how you speak to the other side of the family. It sounds like you are going to alienate yourself even before you walk down the aisle.

Remember you aren't married YET. They aren't your family. I know for a fact if my FW's sister had the nerve to tell me how to work my life... i'd tear her a new one.

This might be something that JT should work out himself. There are certain things that people should just not get involved with. This would be a good example of one.

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

i know, i hear ya. my fmil is not like that, but she seems to create drama where there was none before. she also needs to lose about 100 lbs., but before she'll say that she'll say her sister needs to lose like 150 lbs. you know the type - just point the fingers at others cause you can't point it at yourself. she had numerous health problems, mostly bad back and knees, from weight. but she'll sit there and eat a huge burger and act like thats not the reason she is overweight. and i don't hate her, cause she has a few good qualities. i just don't take her **** and she knows it. i think at first, she was liek, who is this 90 lb weakling talking to me like this. but now shes sees that its just me being me. i don't have time for her ******** - and i know that it bothers my fh too. but i think hes at where your fh is. they see it and acknowledge it, but kind of are stuck where they are. so, i see where you are coming from, its just a hard situation to deal with.

how does one get cancer THREE TIMES and not see where she needs to quit smoking?? how is that not the ultimate wake up call??

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

It sounds like you gave your FMIL just what she deserves. If you're close with your FSIL why don't you call her and tell her about the coversation with her mother. Don't tell her what to do, but let her know she think she should do whatever is est for her family, whatever that choice may be. It would probably also make her feel less guilty about working if you let her know that you plan to continue working after you have children. As four your FH, it's pretty clear that he's not going to get involved in this one, so be prepared to fight this battle on your own. Trust me, I can relate.

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

Rach, I feel like I jinxed things with our conversation the other night!!!

This woman is unbelievable, and I agree that you did the right thing. This woman should obviously not be giving parenting lectures to anyone. How is she going to feel when her daughter, SIL and granddaughter lose their house and wind up on her doorstep?

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

Good for you!!!!! People like that totally PI$$ me off! I got annoyed just reading your post and you didn't even go into details!

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

Is your FMIL Marie Barone?? My G*d!! Good for you, I'm glad you stood up for yourself. What a moron!!!

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

everybody past your front door is crazy. My mother keeps telling me to remember, that I am not only marrying the man, I am also marrying his family (they are wackadoos too!)
I don't think that there is anything wrong with disagreeing with fmil, or anyone else in his family....what you might want to avoid is telling him how he should feel. It's still his mother, and it's the only one he is ever going to have, and you can't choose your parents, and if she's a ranting, raving lunatic who makes herself the martyr (which she seems to be), it sounds like he's with you because you are a normal person. Don't be heated-let it go...it'll always be something with this woman, so don't give yourself an ulcer now.....

Re: I tore FMIL a new one tonight.

Good for you!!!!

After reading through the posts, it is BEYOND clear that this woman has some serious serious issues that logic can't touch. She seriously sounds like she needs professional help, which likely she would never go for in a million years.

Just keep repeating to yourself 'it's not me, it's her, it's not me, it's her.....'

Don't let her suck any of your happiness for one second. She sounds miserable and , sorry for the cliche, misery loves company.

So so so SOOOOO glad you spoke up for yourself!!!!