IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Original post by Suzanner

Dec 31, 2008 10:46 AM

I'm losing it. I'm fighting with my family and my FH almost constantly about having kids at my wedding.

If I say I don't want them, then what's the issue?? I'M THE ONE PLANNING THE ENTIRE THING. I'M THE ONE HAVING THE NIGHTMARES. I'M THE ONE DRIVING TO ALL ENDS OF LONG ISLAND CONSTANTLY. NO ONE ELSE HAS DONE A DAMN THING, AND I HAVEN'T ASKED THEM TO.

SO WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO DICTATE THE GUEST LIST?? SO YOU DO THE REST OF IT!

I'm telling you, I hate to regress to teen spite here, but if I could get my deposits back, I would cancel this thing RIGHT NOW.

I just had to sit through Christmas at my FSIL's house and listen to her tell stories about how her 5 year old son runs up onto the altar at church and makes a scene EVERY TIME they go. And FH is INSISTING that this kid and his two brothers be there. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE these kids. They are awesome. Do I think they belong at a formal evening wedding? No.

My brother's kid is 2. 2!!!! WHY DOES SHE NEED TO BE THERE??? SHE WON'T EVEN REMEMBER BEING THERE. Why in God's Name are my parents insisting she be there to keep the family peace???

WHY am I being forced to invite my BROTHER'S IN LAWS??? Am I totally wrong on this, because I could be, but is this ridiculous??? My parents were invited to their daughters wedding (FSIL's sister) in California. CALIFORNIA. I mean, why?? It's not like we're close to their family.

Now, my mom lives under the rule 'sometimes you just have to do what you have to do tokeep the peace'. Of course, that means to keep the peace with everyone besides me. Because if I'M mad, it's okay, but GOD FORBID anyone else should be mad. And just because she lives like that, I should?? I don't, and it pisses her off. So is she digging in her heels to spite me?? It's possible.

So sorry for yelling- I can't fight over this for ONE MORE DAY. I have been the complete opposite of a bridezilla- wear whatever you want, invite whoever you want, etc. But it stops at kids and the brother's in-laws.

I'm telling you, if I hear ONE KID while I'm taking my vows, IT'S OVER. And I know it sounds juvenile, but I'm telling you, I will rage, and it will ruin my entire day. I just can't get over this. I get ONE DAY, and I'm not asking for anything except no kids. I don't see what's so demanding about that. I'm so furious, I can't see straight.

Thanks for listening, sorry for yelling. And the thing is, I feel HORRIBLE about this. I know it's so stupid, who cares, just have the kids and let everyone be happy. But at what point to you stop just giving in so everyone else will be happy?? I'm just so over this crap.

Okay. Bring on the carbs.

mdawg Posted: Dec 31, 2008 11:46 AM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Posted by Suzanner

You guys are the best. I really appreciate everything. Mdawg, I really think your compromise sounds wise. I'm going to try that one out. Maybe it will work, if it comes to that. Seems pretty okay. On the in-law front, it's my brother's wife's PARENTS that are in question. It just seems wierd to invite my brother's wife's parents to the wedding. We can barely be in the same room without things getting tense. Why? Because her dad is a born-again fatty. Sort of like a born-again smoker- they love to tell you how you need to quit and how they did it. Well, this guy lost a few pounds, and every time I see him, he loves to give me the lecture. Due to personal standards of decorum, I resist the temptation to forcefully introduce my foot to his balls. But I'd like to.

ahhh well thats totally different. There is absolutely no reason for your brother in laws parents to be invited to your wedding. If i were in your situation, I truly wouldnt even know my sister in laws parents if i tripped over them... thats ridiculous... again, youre not wrong.

and as a Fatty McFatFat myself, my foot and his balls would be BFF if he tried to give me a lecture like that. Or you could always say... 'You know, I used to butt into peoples business when I didn't belong there. Let me tell you, you have to quit, its so unhealthy for you. Here's how I did it...' I'd do that solely for entertainment purposes.

babygirl85 Posted: Dec 31, 2008 11:47 AM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Stick with your Decision..............I don't think it's necessary having kids @ the wedding , unless the're in the bridal party. At the end of the day,you are the one that is going to be feeling upset...........so stick with your decisin

GT143EA Posted: Dec 31, 2008 11:48 AM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Posted by MrsDtoBe09

That stinks. Bottom line its yours and fh's wedding - invite who you want. Now go get yourself a piece of fried chicken and cry it out - because you know you can't do that tomorrow!

Espo22 Posted: Dec 31, 2008 11:51 AM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Yeah we had issues too with the no kids policy for me if it was just a few kids it'd be fine but we were looking at about 40 kids or more and thats just a bit much, its more like a playground then not a wedding. We heard sh*t too and ppl complaining and even a few ppl from his family decided since they didnt like it, that they would all come alone without their husbands to teach us a lesson. Did it get me upset and was hurt, yes!!! but dh more since it was his side.

DId i hear other complaints and did i almost lose my mind from the planning? YES!!! there were times i wanted to kill everybody lol and just said i need this day to come already i cant take the planning anymore

BUT i can guarantee you one thing. Once your day is here, NONE of that will matter anymore. All the BS and stupid drama you dealt with before, you wont even care or think about it. Even those that pissed you off, you wont have a problem with them that day. You are on such a high, on cloud 9 that nothing can bring you down and nothing that even happens that day can phase you. You will even have a moment where you say 'yes it was all worth it' bc nothing can compare to that feeling of when you will first see your FH when youre walking down the aisle, or private reveal before ceremony, the way he will look at you and the feeling you get seeing him. Nothing will compare to how you feel while you both exchange vows and even seeing him get choked up, your first dance. That moment after ceremony when you two are alone or even if others are around but its just you two talking and then you look at eachother and say 'WOW i am your wife, we are married, you are my husband' So as much as it s*cks now and i know it s*cks, some ppl are just selfish and nasty miserable ppl so they have to make others miserable. In the end just know that you will say it was all worth it and none of this will even matter to you

JoesFutureWife Posted: Dec 31, 2008 11:54 AM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I agree with you in the fact that i couldnt invite all of our second cousins cause it would have been over another 100 people and 50% of them are under the age of 7. However, DH though i was insane for wanting all of my nephews and niece in the wedding, especially that my their ages are 5, 4, 3, and 2. We had 8 kids in the bridal party and i was shocked....not one tear, not one fit, nothing!!! DH's cousins did bring their kids to the ceremony and one of their babies started crying...honestly i didnt even hear it. I was so wrapped up in the moment, i had no idea. She brought her daughter into the soundproof room in the back of the church. Does your church have one of those areas? They watch the ceremony from the area but no one can hear the kids? Regardless you should have the final say of who is and who isnt invited to your wedding. Im just trying to help you find a compromise.

Espo22 Posted: Dec 31, 2008 12:00 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

i say stick to your kid policy but the whole thing about hearing a kid cry or anything like that during the ceremony, just remember that the adults are no better. I heard a cell phone go off a couple of times, i even kept thinking in my head, is anybody gonna shut off their D*MN phone and i was seconds away from turning around and screaming lol, i get distracted easily and annoys me badly. I just didnt get it, i mean ok if it rang once or twice then fine but this kept going off and then rang again

and i know it was my side

Suzanner Posted: Dec 31, 2008 12:07 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

MDawg:
and as a Fatty McFatFat myself, my foot and his balls would be BFF if he tried to give me a lecture like that. Or you could always say... 'You know, I used to butt into peoples business when I didn't belong there. Let me tell you, you have to quit, its so unhealthy for you. Here's how I did it...' I'd do that solely for entertainment purposes.

Okay, I'm inviting him JUST SO I can say that!!! That's awesome. I love it!! I feel so much better.

And Mrs.Dtobe09- You know me too well. I am already planning on a fried chicken free-for-all at lunch to drown my sorrows and to celebrate it not yet being '09- year of the diet. That was hysterical!!

Suzanner Posted: Dec 31, 2008 12:08 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Espo22- I WOULD HAVE FREAKED. I seriously would have thrown the unity candle in the direction of the ringtone. My most sincere congratulations on keeping your cool. That's crazy!!

GT143EA Posted: Dec 31, 2008 12:08 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Posted by Espo22

i say stick to your kid policy but the whole thing about hearing a kid cry or anything like that during the ceremony, just remember that the adults are no better. I heard a cell phone go off a couple of times, i even kept thinking in my head, is anybody gonna shut off their D*MN phone and i was seconds away from turning around and screaming lol, i get distracted easily and annoys me badly. I just didnt get it, i mean ok if it rang once or twice then fine but this kept going off and then rang again

and i know it was my side

OMG! I didnt even think of rude adults! FH is ADD si if he gets distracted it wont be good!

RadiantBride Posted: Dec 31, 2008 12:23 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I faced this problem as well and it was a really big thing. I was on the opposite side (wanting kids there) and DH and his family were with the no kid rule. As everyone has mentioned compromise is key. To me as long as my nephews and the FG were there that is all that mattered. That was the compromise that we reached. Another thing that we did was we hired a babysitter to watch the 3 kids during the ceremony and the reception. She was in the location the whole time just in a different room. I know your upset but try to compromise. Once you and your FH sit down and really talk things out a happy medium can be reached. My RB and FG (which were 3 and 4 at the time) did not even make a peep during the ceremony and they were standing. Like Espo said sometimes adults can be ruder (get drunk, cell phones, loudness) etc then a child can be.

ETA: While we were taking pictures the kids were running around the studio (they are kids) and someone came off really nasty to say the least. I will tell you that was the one thing that ruined my day. My MOH (which was the FG's mom) walked out the room and I have tons of pictures without her being there. She was just concerned bc she didnt want me to notice what was going on but as a parent imagine how she felt?

Espo22 Posted: Dec 31, 2008 12:57 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Posted by Suzanner

Espo22- I WOULD HAVE FREAKED. I seriously would have thrown the unity candle in the direction of the ringtone. My most sincere congratulations on keeping your cool. That's crazy!!

dh stopped me bc i said to him, im gonna say something but he yelled at me to focus on him

sometimes i wonder whose worse, the kids or the adults

and i remember a bunch of past brides spoke about this and happened at other weddings too. I understand forgetting to shut it off, ok fine but shut it off immediately, why are you letting it ring

coldasice217 Posted: Dec 31, 2008 02:32 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I'm so sorry you're going through this...I'm going through the same thing. When we first started planning, FMIL asked me if I was opposed to children, because some brides are. I said no, because FH's first cousins are 14, 12, 10, and 2..ish. I specifically said that I'm not going to disallow FIRST cousins, but no more than that.

Well fast forward to now, theres 17 children on the guest list, and me and FH keep saying we don't want to invite third cousins he hasn't seen in years, but we 'have' to. I saw a christmas card hanging up the other day with 4 little girls on it all under age of 10 and started CONVULSING. Like seriously my eye started twitching. But can we do anything about it? No. They're helping to pay. But what really gets my goat is that my father is now not inviting his family because the list is getting too out of control. I'd rather have 17 respectful adults than 17 kids.

I'm totally with you and agree 110%. If you're in the position to stand your ground, do it! I need to live vicariously through you.

MrsList09 Posted: Dec 31, 2008 03:48 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

NO CARBS! It's not worth it! Put the bread down!

I agree with you though. I would tell FH that if you hear the kids talking, you're stopping the wedding, asking your FSIL to leave with the kids and then resuming. Hopefully being embarrassed in front of her family and friends will do the trick. I would sit FSIL down and tell her woman to woman that this is your wedding and you won't tolerate any misbehavior.

And to be honest, FH should really be on your side. Your his wife and if something is upsetting you, he should be making sure you're comfortable on your wedding day.

monkeybuttz Posted: Dec 31, 2008 11:15 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I am not a fan of children at weddings-or in general but......FH really wanted his niece and nephew to be in the wedding so they are the only children allowed. I must say that they are pretty good kids and I do adore them. It is sad to be 'jealous' of a 3 year old a a 9 year old but I am going to be PISSED if all of the attention is on them and not FH and me.

MrsZtoBe Posted: Jan 01, 2009 12:16 AM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

That is very annoying. If you are paying... you should have the last say.

Hang in there!

xosweetiexo Posted: Jan 01, 2009 12:52 AM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Posted by Suzanner

Espo22- I WOULD HAVE FREAKED. I seriously would have thrown the unity candle in the direction of the ringtone. My most sincere congratulations on keeping your cool. That's crazy!!

LOL!!!!!!!!!! OMG I would have paid to see you do that LOLLLLLL

jenandmatt2009 Posted: Jan 01, 2009 09:40 AM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

man that *****...you have enough on your plate and to deal with that...very annoying

but def stand your ground!!

I 100% agree with you!!

my niece will be a little over a year old when I get married and i said nopeee no wayy
no screaming kids running down the church...so silly
and I'm not inviting inlaws on my sisters side and FHs side....in my opinion no need for them to be there

good luck with this....try and get fh on your side so at least its not everyone against you

MrsBlueRibbon Posted: Jan 06, 2009 04:18 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Oh Honey, don't get upset! Children DO NOT belong at weddings. FH needs to support you on that one.

Brat23 Posted: Jan 06, 2009 04:22 PM

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Wow sorry to hear all of this. Tell them It's my day I am planning I am paying it's my decision period end of story next topic!

Talk to the hand!

I hate the input I get it all the time my new thing is I say 'Oh Yeah, I will take that into consideration' and walk away LOL I am such a Brat!