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IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Suzanner Posted:

IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I'm losing it. I'm fighting with my family and my FH almost constantly about having kids at my wedding.

If I say I don't want them, then what's the issue?? I'M THE ONE PLANNING THE ENTIRE THING. I'M THE ONE HAVING THE NIGHTMARES. I'M THE ONE DRIVING TO ALL ENDS OF LONG ISLAND CONSTANTLY. NO ONE ELSE HAS DONE A DAMN THING, AND I HAVEN'T ASKED THEM TO.

SO WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO DICTATE THE GUEST LIST?? SO YOU DO THE REST OF IT!

I'm telling you, I hate to regress to teen spite here, but if I could get my deposits back, I would cancel this thing RIGHT NOW.

I just had to sit through Christmas at my FSIL's house and listen to her tell stories about how her 5 year old son runs up onto the altar at church and makes a scene EVERY TIME they go. And FH is INSISTING that this kid and his two brothers be there. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE these kids. They are awesome. Do I think they belong at a formal evening wedding? No.

My brother's kid is 2. 2!!!! WHY DOES SHE NEED TO BE THERE??? SHE WON'T EVEN REMEMBER BEING THERE. Why in God's Name are my parents insisting she be there to keep the family peace???

WHY am I being forced to invite my BROTHER'S IN LAWS??? Am I totally wrong on this, because I could be, but is this ridiculous??? My parents were invited to their daughters wedding (FSIL's sister) in California. CALIFORNIA. I mean, why?? It's not like we're close to their family.

Now, my mom lives under the rule 'sometimes you just have to do what you have to do tokeep the peace'. Of course, that means to keep the peace with everyone besides me. Because if I'M mad, it's okay, but GOD FORBID anyone else should be mad. And just because she lives like that, I should?? I don't, and it pisses her off. So is she digging in her heels to spite me?? It's possible.

So sorry for yelling- I can't fight over this for ONE MORE DAY. I have been the complete opposite of a bridezilla- wear whatever you want, invite whoever you want, etc. But it stops at kids and the brother's in-laws.

I'm telling you, if I hear ONE KID while I'm taking my vows, IT'S OVER. And I know it sounds juvenile, but I'm telling you, I will rage, and it will ruin my entire day. I just can't get over this. I get ONE DAY, and I'm not asking for anything except no kids. I don't see what's so demanding about that. I'm so furious, I can't see straight.

Thanks for listening, sorry for yelling. And the thing is, I feel HORRIBLE about this. I know it's so stupid, who cares, just have the kids and let everyone be happy. But at what point to you stop just giving in so everyone else will be happy?? I'm just so over this crap.

Okay. Bring on the carbs.
debzy Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just keep the end in sight - you get to marry the love of your life!
VeggieBride Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

kids do not belong at weddings. thats my 2 cents.

JennyAPH Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I am sorry you are going through this. You need to come to an agreement with FH first about the kids at the wedding. Explain to him why you don't want them there and how it will ruin your day etc.. then tell the rest of the family.. NO KIDS.. end of story.. its YOUR day it should be your way (that rhymes)

MaggieLuvsJoe Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

if you don't want kids then NO KIDS....end of story. I see it this way, whoever gets offended then too bad, it's your wedding!!!!

We're having a few kids, FHs nieces and nephews and whoever we have in the BP...if anyone else gets offended that their kid isnt invited then they can stay home, I will have the most important people at my wedding no matter what.

So sorry you're dealing with this.
flairforfashion Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Stay firm on your decision not to have kids. It's not up to them. It's up to you and FH.

MrsGRod09 Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I totally agree with you..I dont want children 5 years or younger because i know you will hear the crying, screaming, running around and the strollers all over your hall..its ridiculous. I cant really give you much advice because right now i am on the warpath with my mom over a bridal party, she wants it i dont. So we are not speaking..sad but true . I would say stay adamant on your position and dont let anyone bully you its FH and your day not anyone elses. I would tell them okay i'll invite the in laws but i dont want children. If they want children well no in laws then. Try to stick to your guns and im so sorry you are going thru this.. ..
Future Mulligan Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

i felt the same way about kids....

DH was iffy b/c he didnt want to hurt his sisters feelings - our nephew is 2....we said no kids anyway and no feelings were hurt thank goodness...but for awhile it was an issue between DH and i b/c he didnt want to step on any toes and i didnt want kids period....

the night before our nephew was disruptive at our rehearsal - crying, fidgeting, taking attention away from DH and I when trying to talk to our in-laws....we could barely talk to his sister and husband b/c they were fussing with the baby - DH whispered in my ear during dinner and said 'you were right' and he was talking about the no kids policy hahaha and i knew exactly what he was talking about when he said those 3 words

stay firm - if you dont want kids then dont have kids.....if people dont come b/c of it their loss....
smrsun Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way and I completely understand how you feel!
I agree...kids dont' belong at the wedding, unless of course they are in the wedding. Plus, your in laws mentioned how their son runs up to the altar every time.....case in point! They don't need to be there!
GT143EA Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

Im so sorry you have to deal with this. I feel your pain. Fh has a son so of course he'll be there(which of course I want....he'll be 9 and a junior groomsmen in the wedding, so its fine) but his brother is coming from colorado and he has has 3 teenagers(also fine with them coming) and a baby who is coming because there is noone to watch him. I dont think a baby should be at the wedding. Im with you and If I hear the baby cry while Im taking my vows Im gonna bug out!!!!

geegee827 Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

It is your day.....do what you want. I will not be having children at my wedding either. Is it going to cause family drama? You bet! My response will be 'too bad.' I am not paying 1/2 price for some kids to eat food they're not going to like at my formal Saturday night wedding or crowd the dance floor. Don't parents ever want a grown up night away from their kids? Maybe it would be different if FH or I had neices or nephews, but I doubt it. If FH and I invited everyone with kids, the kids would outnumber the adults by at least 3 to 1. Not going to happen. I cannot control who comes to the church - I'm ok with that. I would hope that people with children who cannot control themselves would leave them home, but other than that, there's nothing I can do.

As far as inviting everyone your parents have ever had a conversation with - here's what FH and I told our parents. Since FH and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, it is our choice who gets invited. However, to be nice, we have given FH's parents and my mother ONE table each - that's 10 people. I have shown my mother our guest list (which includes the family) and FH has shown his parents his. If there is anyone that she feels I missed or must be invited, she can invite that person and use one of her alloted 10 spaces. If they going beyond those 10 (which I highly discourage) - they must pay for any additional guests. And by paying for I mean, the per plate charge, the CP for their table, etc.

At 40 years old, I do not feel the need to explain my desires, actions or finances to anyone else. If people do not like it, they can choose not to come.
pooh57362 Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. I'm sort of going through it too. My brother and SIL just had a baby. She will be 6 months old for our wedding and they keep saying how she's coming - um no she's not. The last thing I want to hear on my wedding day is a crying child. I love kids but not that day. lol. Not to mention both of them are in the wedding party so how are they going to be able to take care of their kid and be in the wedding at the same time. They DEF are drivi ng me to drink!!! In the end its your wedding and its what you want. If they don't like it TFB. Sorry if that was a little blunt.
mdawg Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

okay first of all im pretty sure we were separated at birth.

second of all...

I say make a compromise. If it's messing up the vows at the altar you're worried about say 'fine..they can come to the reception, but not to the church.'


I think that's a fair compromise. They still get to be there, but theres no chance of them ruining what you dont want them to ruin.

unfortunately, its your FH's wedding too, which means he has to have some kind of say in it (stinks, i know, but its the truth)... if he's not willing to compromise and you are then it looks like he's the stubborn mule in the situation.

i, personally, happen to agree with you... children do not belong at a formal affair unless they are the hosts children, and even in that case attendance should be like absolutely necessary to the event (like a flowergirl) or whatever.

Anyway, i dont think you're wrong in the children situation. However , I'm confused about the brother-in-law thing. I think if your brothers in law are married to your sisters, then yes, they should be invited. I think youre smart enough to realize that though so im pretty sure i misunderstood.

I hope it all works out for you. This would be an awfully silly thing to cancel a wedding over. :(
JCJinMay Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I am in sorta the same position. We only have FSIL son who is the ring bearer. He will be just turning 2. I had expressed early on that he should maybe leave after ceremony or even CH and FH was scared of stepping on toes and we had the whole argument and it has been kinda dropped. I guess because I gave up thinking its not worth it but I do feel the same way. This is my day and why cant the one thing I ask for (no kids) be done?

FH family assumed he will just be there. They make comments like 'hes gonna be dancing on the dance floor, etc' and im like no hes going to be fussy and tired from a long day like that but no one seems to care. But it is not my place to tell his family that...HE has to do that. He has mixed feelings about it...he actually told me that a part of him actually wants his 2 yr old nephew there (like hes really gonna have any time that day to even pay attention to him nor will the kid remember any of it!!!

It is sooooooo frustrating...i feel that if they want to leave my wedding to attend to a 2 yr old or have to leave early bc of him then thats there loss. You would think people would just understand this and not even assume a kid would come and this wouldnt be an issue but they dont care.

Now im mad again!!!
Suzanner Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

You guys are the best. I really appreciate everything. Mdawg, I really think your compromise sounds wise. I'm going to try that one out. Maybe it will work, if it comes to that. Seems pretty okay. On the in-law front, it's my brother's wife's PARENTS that are in question. It just seems wierd to invite my brother's wife's parents to the wedding. We can barely be in the same room without things getting tense. Why? Because her dad is a born-again fatty. Sort of like a born-again smoker- they love to tell you how you need to quit and how they did it. Well, this guy lost a few pounds, and every time I see him, he loves to give me the lecture. Due to personal standards of decorum, I resist the temptation to forcefully introduce my foot to his balls. But I'd like to.

kbergen75 Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

oh I totally know what you're going through, not with kids but other things with the wedding. FMIL is always looking to do the right thing, and worries too much about making other people happy. I'm like hello this is my wedding and I'm becoming your FDIL so you should be worrying about what makes me happy. Who gives a sh!t what other people want, you do the things that will make you and FH happy that's what counts!

jennaandguy09 Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

I think you are SOOOOOO RIGHT on this one, FSIL (both) are having babies...on MONDAY...and I REFUSE to have 2 screaming 5 month olds at our wedding, don't bring them to the church cause I'll ask you to leave with them, and you're right, it's one day, ONE DAY that's it and for that, you should have exactly what you want, not bridezilla at all, you're absolutely within your right to ask that there are no children, people I know are so happy that they get a break from their kids at our wedding, the only child there will be our flower girl, who will be almost 6 at the time, and the only reason she will be there is because she's our flower girl, but she tends to be moody and I told her, if you want to act like this the day of the wedding, stay home with your sister and your cousin, don't worry stick to your guns and don't back down on this one, if this is the one thing you're truly adamant about, which I can tell you are don't let people tell you different!!!! Good Luck, and I hope it all works out for you.
gina409 Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

im sorry u r going through this i think u need to sit down with fh and talk with him and u two need to be agreed upon that kids r not welcome,once that is set u need to sit down with the parenst or whoever and take out the inner bridezilla biotch in u and put ur foot down untill u make it crystal clear they will just assume thatthey can come or keep pressuring u to invite them even if they r mad at first its ur day and bottom line do what u and fh want thats it noone else...and if they dont get over it who cares u did what u had to do..hope u r feeling better
MrsDtoBe09 Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

That stinks. Bottom line its yours and fh's wedding - invite who you want. Now go get yourself a piece of fried chicken and cry it out - because you know you can't do that tomorrow!

eren718 Posted:

Re: IF I COULD CALL OFF THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.

The nerve to be insisting on kids when they are at the same time talking about them being bad *** kids. Maybe you can offer a 'compromise' - have kids at the reception but not hte ceremony?

Maybe there is a room at the ceremony location where the kids can hang out with games, etc. and a babysitter on hand?/

I hope it all works out!

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