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If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

Bee12 Posted:

If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

are you okay with your FH having female friends ? If so, if they called him consistently, would it both you?
NewYorker09 Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

That really doesn't sound necessary at all! I wouldn't like it and FH wouldn't like it if the roles were reversed.

Mrs Z To Be Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

Hmmm...well we have been together for 6 years...

But when we first started dating, there was this 'friend' he had in high school, she ALWAYS called him.

I was ok with it until I met her, and picked up vibes from her. I KNEW she liked him.

I told him, he thought I was crazy, but then he heard through the grapevine later on what I knew to be true: She had the hots for him. He didn't want me worrying, so he basically stopped speaking to her.

And if she were such a 'friend' then why didn't she ever call him to congratulate him on his engagement??

IF you trust him and the other girl, it should be fine. I personally would not like ANY woman calling FH consistently, even his mother.
Lsorrent Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

You sound like you're in the same boat as me. FH's best friend is actually a girl. Actually, she happens to be one of my best friend's too, and she's one of my BM's. BUT............it does bother me how close they are and that they are CONSTANTLY calling, texting, and she's ALWAYS over my house. There are nights she's at my house until all hours of the night and I actually go to bed and they stay up talking.

FH and I have gotten into fights about it before, even though I KNOW there's nothing going on between them. It's mostly because she's single and miserable and needs someone to vent to (her ex used to FH's best friend also).

BUT, he knows how I feel about it, so that's all that matters to me.

ETA: there's more to my story, and I never used to have a problem with it, until one day when she was drunk she told me that if FH and I weren't together, then maybe they would've gotten together. So that's really where my issues come from. FH knows this, and he knows what was said, so he completely understands where I'm coming from with this.
cMm2011 Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

Posted by Mrs Z To Be

IF you trust him and the other girl, it should be fine. I personally would not like ANY woman calling FH consistently, even his mother.



i agree
Neeks Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

Im fine with friends..Fh best friend is a girl and My Best friend is male and is in our wedding actually. My Best friend used to call me allllllllllll the time at all hours of the night and I saw that it bothered FH so I put a stop to it because I didnt want any problems. He has a few female friends but they dont bother me I trust him 100 percent.. and they are all cool. They def do not call him all the time though maybe once a month

christine2010 Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

this was a big issue a couple of years back. FH had a really good friend who was a girl. they would speak on the phone constantly & even spend time together without me. i was also good friends with her but it seemed like she would rather spend time with just FH. i didn't have a problem with it because i trusted FH with her.

however, i did have a group of friends who thought the worst of the situation. there was a big fight & i am not longer friends what that group of friends.

i am so happy i stuck with trusting my FH because then i found out that she had cancer. FH was going to doctor appointments & chemo visits with her. his support during her hard time made me feel so amazing, knowing i had such a great boyfriend.

if you are really concerned about the friendship you should speak with your FH about it.
kris_gets_hitched Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

One of FH's closest friends for a long time was a girl. She actually ended up going off and marrying some jerk, and the friendship ended with that. However, they were tight - they'd go to the movies, go to the diner, grab coffee, go shopping. I was cool with it; she and I actually started to get close and go to concerts together, until as I mentioned, she married some jerk.

And one of my best friends is a guy. And when FH and I (actually, any relationship I've had) started dating, I explained to him 'look, one of my best friends is a guy...we've been friends since I was 15 or so. We go to concerts, go shopping, and travel together. There's nothing more to it, and the fact of the matter is - he's been in my life before you and if we break up, he'll be there for me then. You can either be comfortable with it, or not, but I will not end a longtime friendship for some guy I'm just starting to date.'

I don't have an issue with it at all; how could I? I'd be a hypocrite!
Bee12 Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

thank ladies.. for a min, i thought i was crazy.. like im engaged, why should i worry about it? but i dont trust some these single chicks out there.. esp since im engaged... they generally love messy up happy homes...
FutureJOC Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

FH doesn't have too many friends that are girls and the ones he does are GF's of his guy friends. The only girls that really call him are me, his mom, his sister and his brother's GF.

I think though if he had a friend that was a girl it would bother me too much, but if she constantly called I would probably say something about it.
JLWSJC Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

I'm totally fine with FH having friends that are girls, I trust him completely. He has a lot of femal aquaintances, but he makes it a point not to get too friendly with females because he feels it's disrespectful... which actually bothers me, because i've always gotten along well with men as friends and he holds me to the same standard he holds himself, that it's desrespectful to have lunch or whatever with a male friend, even if they're married, even if they're seeing someone and it irritates the crap out of me, because I've had to hold back on devolping friendships with some really cool people because it's 'disrespectful' and I find it ridiculous, but since it hurts his feelings, I respect that.

If the tables were turned, I honestly wouldn't care. He's still friends with his ex on FB and what not and chat on the phone occasionally and it doesn't bother me at all, I know he's coming home to me, you know?
PeterNina Mom Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

Posted by Sunshine15

thank ladies.. for a min, i thought i was crazy.. like im engaged, why should i worry about it? but i dont trust some these single chicks out there.. esp since im engaged... they generally love messy up happy homes...


I have to agree with this and especially since my ex-husbands long time 'family' friend is now his wife. She actually came to our wedding and I even sat and cried with this woman telling her I didn't know what was bothering him and in the meantime she was sleeping with him behind my back.
Girls please think long and hard before you let your boyfriends, fiancee` or husband be friends with a woman no matter how much they say that they are just friends.

Thank God I met a man who is so much better in every way!
Neeks Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

Posted by JLWSJC

I'm totally fine with FH having friends that are girls, I trust him completely. He has a lot of femal aquaintances, but he makes it a point not to get too friendly with females because he feels it's disrespectful... which actually bothers me, because i've always gotten along well with men as friends and he holds me to the same standard he holds himself, that it's desrespectful to have lunch or whatever with a male friend, even if they're married, even if they're seeing someone and it irritates the crap out of me, because I've had to hold back on devolping friendships with some really cool people because it's 'disrespectful' and I find it ridiculous, but since it hurts his feelings, I respect that.

If the tables were turned, I honestly wouldn't care. He's still friends with his ex on FB and what not and chat on the phone occasionally and it doesn't bother me at all, I know he's coming home to me, you know?


We have the same agreement dont worry ..
xela Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

Hell yeah it would bother me. I used to have alot of male friends and whenever they were in a new relationship I would call the new gf not my male friend. I did this out of respect for the new gf bc I didn't want to step on any ones toes and if she wasnt receptive I'd back off all together. I don't believe another woman should be calling anyones man ever...but thats just me. I get some ppl have been friends with the opposite sex long before their new s/o came into the picture and I'm not saying those ppl shouldn't be friends anymore but new lines should be drawn.

Nina1010 Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

You're not crazy. I trust FH but not other women, esp. single women who are miserable for happy couples. I stay clear.

FH has many female acquaintences and some friends. Most of his clients are women too, so I deal with it.
However, there was a situation where one of his female clients / friends and training buddy would call way too much. She was single, miserable and would call on FH to do traditional boyfriend things like putting in an A/C, go for a run, help move her, take care of her car, just called all the time to vent...etc. Long story short, we all went away on a triathlon event (they are both triathletes) ... in which she invited herself in our car even though she drives, she didn't want to this time. FH let her know we were staying an extra day or so b/c we wanted to be together for my bday / romantic wknd... she didn't take the hint. And I was annoyed he didn't press this.

During the wknd, she incesstantly knocked on our room wanting to do a couple of 'training' things - which excluded me a bit. However, I offered to drive the course for them both to be able to check it out. She told FH... she can come, but she has to sit in the back b/c I need to see it all. Which basically meant she didn't care if FH was able to check it out or not. He was so pissed. It didn't end there but suffice it to say he was so annoyed with her by the end of the wknd, that it was the last time they spoke and I couldn't be happier two years later. Sometimes they write their own ending.
bigsal Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

I've been lucky Fh has one very close female friend-she is actually has become a good friend of mine too and in my BP and she actually went with him to help pick out my engagement ring.

When we first met I was kind of puzzled by their closeness but she never called repeatedly or all the time either. They go out to luncj together, go shopping together and I dont mind at all.

There are some crazy girls out there so as long as you talk to FH and let him know if someone is making you feel uncomfortable then you have to trust your instincts.
WeezyGirl2354 Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

FH is an elementary school teacher - how many men do you know in that field?? LOL not many - its a given for him to have a TON of female friends.

The reason I am marrying him is b/c of a female friend that he has - she is my best friend and my MOH.

One friend in particular bothers me - she had feelings for him a long time ago but it never worked out as he was trying to survive in the hospital and not really thinking about a girlfriend. He was never interested in her that way and other things have happened for me to not like her.

I trust him 100% - and I have male friends that were around before him that he has learned to deal with when I talk about them.

I had a life before FH - and he had a life before me - and we are both entitled to contine those lives. And will then create one w/ each other.
Im_My_Own_Princess Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

i'll be flat out honest-
NO! I never was ok with FH having female friends... well close ones and there were issues a few years back, not getting into it here.
but needless to say, female friends are looooong gone
Bee12 Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

Posted by Im_My_Own_Princess

i'll be flat out honest-
NO! I never was ok with FH having female friends... well close ones and there were issues a few years back, not getting into it here.
but needless to say, female friends are looooong gone


i hear that!!!
jayepyt Posted:

Re: If you dont have trust you have nothing at all ......

Posted by Im_My_Own_Princess

i'll be flat out honest-
NO! I never was ok with FH having female friends... well close ones and there were issues a few years back, not getting into it here.
but needless to say, female friends are looooong gone
im kinda ita with this but they can be friends just not too close

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