FSIL has refused to pay for her share of the shower, won’t come to my bachelorette party, won’t get her makeup done with the BP b/c “she has no money.” She’s living with her boyfriend out of state and not working. Aforementioned living arrangement may be temporary. She doesn’t know if she’s going to marry him or even remain with him long-term (at least, that’s what she’s said in the past).
FFIL calls my father at work the other day and says that he’s very limited on funds for the wedding. (The amount they’re giving us is basically covering the band and the flowers). This would have been fine, but my parents and FHs parents agreed to split the costs a year ago.
So anyway, FSIL emails FH the next day. Her boyfriend has 3(!) kids and wants to bring one of them (They’re from out of state). Now, given the fact that FH and I are now responsible for a lot more wedding expenses, I said no on the grounds that we can’t cover an additional person. (Fh doesn’t’ agree, but is backing me on this).
FH’s parents are giving him a hard time about it. They told him how she was crying, and how we should invite fewer people if $$ is such an issue, blah blah blah. He looked miserable after talking to his parents, and I know they’re giving him a guilt trip.
What do I do here? Call FSIL and explain (again, gently?) Call FH’s parents (gently or otherwise?) Email them? Sit quietly? Let FH deal with it?
figment 107
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Re: IL help needed... posting under a different name
This is the email I sent to FSIL last week. And this was BEFORE she called her parents crying and BEFORE FH's parents started laying guilt trips on him... Should I forward this to his parents?
I'm sorry, but I don't see how we can include *****'s son in the guest list. Our guest list is already snowballing and we're looking for ways to trim it. (We went from a tentative 125 to about 155 at close to $100 per person... and that's before centerpieces and favors and assorted other crap...do the math). Children probably aren't going to be invited; our colleagues may not be invited with dates, etc. When our parents got together to discuss a budget, we all decided that anything over that budget would be {FH} and my responsibility. He and I are also taking on a lot of the smaller financial obligations because we think it’s unfair ask our parents for more. With your dad out of work for so long, and my sister and brother in school and {my youngest bro} coming up quickly, I know both sets are tapped out. (I felt so bad for your dad when we went to see them... He made all these 'broke' jokes, but looked miserable each time he told one). And FH and I can't make up the difference... not with all the other things we're responsible for. So we find ourselves in another awkward position. I don't want ***** or his son or you to be offended, but I didn't want to just tell you 'no' without explaining. We just can't do it, and I hope they understand.
kimandvin
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Re: IL help needed... posting under a different name
tell them that you would love for his child to come but cannot really afford itwtih all the other bills its an expensive event. i had a similar sitaution and pretty much just said i cannot afford it. teh wellis dry!! HTH
AMGBride2008
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Re: IL help needed... posting under a different name
Posted by figment 107
Posted by angl2001
id tell his parents to pay for her to go!!!!!!!!!!!
people are rediculous!
not happening, they're 'out of money.'
Throw the same excuse back at them. You can't afford to add any more guests... if they want him there so badly, they can pay for it. Otherwise, it's a non-issue. You can't just pull money out of thin air.
Future Mulligan
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how close if your FH with his sister?? can he talk to her and explain things to her?
Mici n KC
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You have every right to say no. She can't afford to do stuff for your shower but miraculously found extra money to bring one of his kids I was in a wedding where the groom's sister who was a BM lived out of state and didn't contribute anything to the wedding. The bride didn't even get a gift! This is a completely different situation than yours, but in all honesty if she says she has no money, you're fighting a battle that isn't worth fighting. Just let it go. Tell her sorry, no her boyfriend's kid is not invited.
Emily08
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Re: IL help needed... posting under a different name
Honestly, since everyone else is crying poverty, why can't you? I would just tell them that you can't afford to invite any more people, that you guys are maxed. Now it's can we bring just one, but when you say yes to this one, then it's going to be well can we bring the two others. If she were married to this guy it would be one thing, but she's not, so you do NOT have to invite his kids.
kirstenjk
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Re: IL help needed... posting under a different name
FH and I agreed to have a united front when difficult wedding issues arise (and they already have). He dealt with his family in this instance and was able to stop the insanity.
IMHO - I would have a talk with your FH and come to an agreement about how you would like to handle the situation. Then have him call his parents, sister and anyone else involved and tell them this is our decision and these are our reasons why. If his parents give him a hard time, guilt trip or whatever, tell them if it is that important to you to have xyz attend, then you will have to pay for them because we do not have the funds to cover the costs for additional guests. If done right, no feathers will be ruffled and it can be amicably settled.
Bottom line - it's you and your FH's special day and you should have whomever you want there. You are the ones who are going to have to look back years from now and you won't want to have bad memories or regrets.
figment 107
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Re: IL help needed... UPDATED on pg 2
Spoke to FSIL today. Her boyfriend's son is coming, but they're (or FMIL and FFIL, not sure)going to pay for him. I'm glad I'm not financially responsible for this child, but ... I feel like I was backed into a corner. Am I crazy to still feel upset about this?
GtBride
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Re: IL help needed... UPDATED on pg 2
Why do they need to bring the kid if the other two are staying home?
I am glad the IL are paying so you don't feel obligated.
