I'm finally going to write this

A sad update to my previous post a few weeks back:
http://www.liweddings.com/chat/topic.aspx?ID=695062&Highlight=

My grandma died a couple weeks ago. I was too devastated to write about it back then, and I was dealing with the trauma of it all. Even after my last post she got so much better over the next week and then needed surgery to repair her broken leg (which someone who cared for her is responsible for causing, if only we knew who) and after that surgery we thought everything was fine and the next morning they called us in at 5 am to the hospital because she had developed this crazy blood clotting disorder and her organs all started shutting down and she lasted through the end of the week and then we had to take her off life support because the treatment wasn't working and there was no hope and the treatment was causing her constant horrible pain. It was way worse and more traumatic for all of us than I'm describing but the details are too horrible to get into.

I have had such a hard time dealing with this, the whole way she died is just the hardest part, I knew someday I would lose my grandma but her parents lived til their late 90's, both my grandparents were in perfect health aside from her hip pain which was supposed to be fixed with the hip replacement... and she was so scared and in agony the whole time she was in the hospital, the last week she was so swollen with fluids because her kidneys stopped working but they needed to keep giving her the fluids and medicines to keep her alive, she looked like she gained 50 pounds and got bigger every day and her eyes were swollen shut and she was on the respirator so we don't even know if she knew what was going on. I really hope she didn't because I don't want to think she knew that she was so sick and then dying. I feel like I will never be okay about all of this, my family just keeps falling apart. I went back down there right after my finals to be with her and spent Mother's Day with her before the surgery so she knew we (my sister and I) were there and could talk to us and stuff, and then the next night she had the surgery and then it all went bad, but I was there the whole time thank God. My grandpa had her cremated in Florida and brought her up here this week, we are having the wake/memorial service thing for her tonight and then the burial of the ashes tomorrow morning.

I have my bridal shower Sunday, I tried to change the date but it became a mess so I just kept it, not sure how I'm gonna feel but I will try to put on a happy face. I just can't believe she's gone and so close to the wedding, she was so excited, she bought me my dress and veil and everything. I have the beautiful dress she bought to wear to my wedding hanging in my mom's house, I can't bear to part with it. When I was going through her address book to call people to tell them the news she had a full page of alterations phone#'s to get her dress altered down there... the whole thing is just so incredibly sad. I don't know how I'm going to get in a happy place but I know she would want that and she wouldn't want us all to be sad the day of the wedding so I will try. Just needed to get this out finally. Thank you to everyone who prayed for her and thought of her during the LAST 'turn for the worse', somehow she kept getting every rare complication, every time she was in that 1% of people who got XYZ... I will never understand why. But thank you for keeping us in your prayers, this is going to be a rough weekend but hopefully the shower Sunday will be a happy thing for the whole family to look forward to.