Ok, a little background - I have an ex. A crazy ex. Emotionally abusive and borderline physically abusive, and that's why we broke up about 3 years ago. 5 months later I met the most wonderful man in the world, and just married him.
So, back to the ex. He really is crazy. When we broke up, he would call incessantly, at all hours of the night. I had to change my numbers, and eventually changed my cell phone to a private unlisted number under my DH's name. The ex would also hunt down where I would park my car in the city (I live in Philadelphia), and leave little things on the car, just to show me he was watching me. Mind you, this continued for upwards of 2 years after our break up. I reached my breaking point when, 2 years after we broke up, I was walking to school, when I received a message on my PRIVATE, UNLISTED number, from him, describing exactly what I was wearing. I had an attorney send him a letter threatening civil and criminal action if he ever contacted me again. I haven't really heard from him since, other than a few random emails telling me the only reason why I was marrying Dh was because I still wasn't over him, and a few emails from his friends, presumably trying to get in touch with me through him.
Ok, so fast forward to this week. I've been having awful nightmares about the ex and have been having this really uneasy feeling about him, probably because I haven't heard from him in about 4 months, and this is usually around the time he strikes again. DH and I went to dinner and a movie Saturday night, and we left our back door open like we usually do. We come back, and I go upstairs to get ready for bed, and as I'm walking upstairs I hear this really loud noise. I walk into the bedroom, and the ceiling fan is on, the highest setting. I know it wasn't on when we left because DH and I got ready in the bedroom just before we headed out. DH thinks it may have been the cat or dog, but both are tiny and could never reach the ceiling in a million years, and even if it was an accident, how do you explain that it was on the highest setting, which requires pulling on the little string like 5 times? Nothing else was touched or moved.
Maybe I'm overreacting and being paranoid thinking it was the ex. But, this is exactly the kind of thing he would do, to let me know that he was still watching me, and to freak me out. Am I being totally paranoid here, or what? How could it turn on by itself?? We haven't used the fan since August!
mrswask
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
Beth - I'm so sorry you're going through this, esp in your delicate state! I would absolutely go and file a police report to have it on record. Maybe even talk to the about the order of protection. Best of luck with this situation!
bxgell2
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
Posted by Kriss2c
My DH, God love him, he can be a bit deranged himself, says that you should follow the ex home and break in and rearrange his furniture while he was out and give him a taste of his own medicine.
I would LOVE to, but I don't know where he lives, and second, that's EXACTLY what he wants. He does all these things to get a reaction from me. Eventually, after he tries a little and realizes I won't give him even an inch, he disappears for a good 4-5 months. That's why I'm always so hesitant to do anything about it, because if and when I do, it almost makes the situation worse. We are so not dealing with a rational, clear-headed, intelligent person here. I almost have to treat him like a little child. Ignore him enough, and eventually he goes away. I literally have not spoken or communicated with him in over 3 years, other than the letter sent by my attorney. In the beginning, I would talk with him and try to rationally tell him that he would have to leave me alone, but it was almost like he got some kind of satisfaction out of upsetting me and getting a reaction from me. So, eventually, within a few months, I stopped, and the harassment died down. Now, it just flares up every 4 or 5 months or so. I ignore it, and it goes away usually. BUT, with that said, IF he really did trespass into my home, that's a whole different story. That's an invasion of my (actually DH's since the house is in his name!) private space, so I will file a police complaint, and if he does ANYTHING to indicate that he did do this, I will be going to the DA's office and pressing charges for criminal trespass, and get an order of protection. The absolute scariest part - this guy is a 4th grade teacher!!
1017Bride
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
I'm so sorry you have to go through this!
lvdolphins
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
Stick with your plan! Keep doors and windows locked! Call police and file a report! You are not overreacting at all! I'd be nervous too! Good Luck and keep us updated!
luvsbob4603
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
get the alarm installed and keep the doors locked you are not over acting it could be your ex and if it continues file a restraining order against him so the cops will see he is continuing to stalk you. lots of hugs I hope everything works out and congratulations on your pregnancy lots of luck.
Kriss2c
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
Posted by bxgell2
I would LOVE to, but I don't know where he lives, and second, that's EXACTLY what he wants. He does all these things to get a reaction from me. Eventually, after he tries a little and realizes I won't give him even an inch, he disappears for a good 4-5 months. That's why I'm always so hesitant to do anything about it, because if and when I do, it almost makes the situation worse. We are so not dealing with a rational, clear-headed, intelligent person here. I almost have to treat him like a little child. Ignore him enough, and eventually he goes away. I literally have not spoken or communicated with him in over 3 years, other than the letter sent by my attorney. In the beginning, I would talk with him and try to rationally tell him that he would have to leave me alone, but it was almost like he got some kind of satisfaction out of upsetting me and getting a reaction from me. So, eventually, within a few months, I stopped, and the harassment died down. Now, it just flares up every 4 or 5 months or so. I ignore it, and it goes away usually. BUT, with that said, IF he really did trespass into my home, that's a whole different story. That's an invasion of my (actually DH's since the house is in his name!) private space, so I will file a police complaint, and if he does ANYTHING to indicate that he did do this, I will be going to the DA's office and pressing charges for criminal trespass, and get an order of protection. The absolute scariest part - this guy is a 4th grade teacher!!
OK, just a thought... but every 4 to 5 months he does something.... from what you told us of the situation, every 4 -5 months these somethings have been escalating, from things on your car, following you and now an invasion of your home.... the police need to be made aware of this and something needs to be done... what't to say that 4 to 5 months from now, it's something even worse.
P.S. I know what you are saying about what my DH said, that's why I prefaced it the way I did.
Take care.
AndreaLMT
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
I have been in a similar situation. You need to take action right away. (Especially b/c you're pregnant). -Get an alarm system IMMEDIATELY. -Notify the police. -Did I read he has your new #? If so, change it. I know it's a pain.
Please be safe, and keep us posted.
Butterflybride
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
Posted by bxgell2
I know, I know, we SHOULD leave the door closed, especially because of the crazy ex, but he disappears for like 3-4 months and I get this false sense of security.
Our doggy was totally normal, but the cat was acting REALLY weird. When we came home, I was so freaked that I sat downstairs in the living room and waited for DH to come back from walking the dog. Though she usually stays to herself, she starting pacing all around the living room, meowing a storm.
So, verdict is, I'm locking all the doors, and I'll call the police and have them write up a report, just so it's on file. I may be overreacting, but in case I'm not, I'll cover all my bases.
You're not overreacting at all, you're doing the right thing. It's better to be safe than sorry. It s*cks that you're going through this, and believe me, I'd be freaked out too, especially since I'm PG as well.
swags1016
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
Posted by Kriss2c
My DH, God love him, he can be a bit deranged himself, says that you should follow the ex home and break in and rearrange his furniture while he was out and give him a taste of his own medicine.
I seriously hope that you are kidding with that sentence. Talking about escalating the situation.
RedHead
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
Posted by swags1016
Posted by Kriss2c
My DH, God love him, he can be a bit deranged himself, says that you should follow the ex home and break in and rearrange his furniture while he was out and give him a taste of his own medicine.
I seriously hope that you are kidding with that sentence. Talking about escalating the situation.
That was exactly what i was thinking! I don't think egging on the situation is a good idea...
luvsbob4603
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
i was also agree with swags and oct2004bride i do hope you are kidding with that last sentence that would just make it worse.
Imagin916
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Re: I'm freaked out. What do you think? (long)
OMG!!
Dont take a chance with this sick *******, especially when you are going to have a baby around in the near future! I would DEFINITLY get an alarm system in my house, and just in case, I would change the locks, you never know what he could have done to be able to get into the house again.
Get the alarm installed NOW, dont wait any longer, you never know what this guy is capable of!
I would also go and get that order of protection against him, and make sure you document EVERYTHING. Go make a record of everything he has done in the past in addition to what happened so that you have all the evidence to bring to court. Contact your lawyer and file a police report about this, you cant prove it was him now, but it seems very likely that he did this.
If this did turn out to be him, I would call the news and tell them that there is a freak teacher out there, Im sure that would make a good story!
Dont do anything to egg him on. Dont contact him or anyone who knows him and ask them if it was him, because then you are giving him what he wants, in addition to this hurting your chances for the order of protection.
Good luck with this, and please keep us updated.
This makes me so angry to hear that you have to live this way! Its a shame that the law doesnt protect us the way we should, its almost like the guy has to do something to you in order for them to keep him in jail.
If this ever happened to me, I would hope he would break into my house while I am home alone with a baby..He would be greeted with a bullet in his a$$
