I'M FUMING....Am I overreacting?

you are not overreacting at all

I am dealing with this with my FIL's - my me and my FH want the dinner outside on the patio, and they refuse and want it in the side room which has no water view, which is one of the main reasons for having it there, they don't want an openbar - they don't understand that it is not fair to all the guest traveling from out of state - they also tell my FH this at dinner while i am in the bathroom and come back and my FH does tell them that this is not want we want so i look like it is totally waht I want -even though my FH has no problem saying what he wants at the wedding which my parents are totally paying for

sorry to vent too but i feel your pain - IL's are not fun

I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope that it works out.

Seriously that is bad... I am so sorry.

No you are not overreacting and look on the bright side atleast they are paying for the RD. My future in laws are'nt paying for anything at all not one cent. My Parents and FH and I are paying for everything including the Rehersal Dinner actually me and mt FH are paying for that.

I so understand what you are going through, my FH dad(his mom passed away) is not giving us a single cent for the wedding mind you he does not even ask about it but gives me a list of 75 people to invite...what the heck is that about because the first people to be cut are his, and he has not yet mentioned a rehearsal dinner so I basically came to the conclusion that I will not have one because i will be damned if i pay for them after my parents are taking care of everything it is so annoying and infuriates me not just the money thing but that fact that he doesnt even ask about the wedding ughhhhhhhh!!!!!

wow! that really stinks. I'm sorry

I'm going through similar difficulties, though not nearly as harsh as yours. I initially thought I'd wind up with it, but then my parents insisted that they'd pay the bar bill.

My guests would've been limited to one drink.

You're not over reacting, that sounds really selfish of them! hopefully they'll realize it will make THEM look bad and change their minds!

You are not overreacting.

I had a similar situation when my FMIL wanted our RD to be at the local Chinese food restaurant because that''s the only food that she knows her 5 grandchildren (all under 10 yrs. old) would eat. I went crazy.... 'Who gives a crap if the kids eat? This is an adult function. When I was a kid I was told what to eat and if I didn't like it too freakin bad'. We wound up doing a brunch, and oh yeah, made it a point to tell her how much money I saved her by doing that.

You need to get FH to straighten her out.

Good luck

Not at all!!

I have no idea how many times I have posted this, but it is becoming my mantra - 'Your day. Your way.' I cannot believe the number of parents who think because they contribute a little bit of money they have a whole lot of say. And, as someone else put it, you will have a whole lifetime of this controlling nonsense if you don't stand up to her. Here's my advice - talk to your FH first, and decide together what kind of RD you want and where you want it (fancy, casual, italian, chinese, sushi, whatever), and then present a united front to the mom. I don't think it matters whether FH presents the new deal to mom himself or with you, or you do it alone, you know the parties better to decide how volatile that will get. But, the united front is something that is key, because if he goes in there alone, he's a goner. It sounds like she'd run him over. Plus, the united front will let her know - hey lady, you are not in charge of us anymore. Good luck!!!

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Posted by mcaula

No you are not overreacting and look on the bright side atleast they are paying for the RD. My future in laws are'nt paying for anything at all not one cent. My Parents and FH and I are paying for everything including the Rehersal Dinner actually me and mt FH are paying for that.

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I agree with this! And I'm in the same boat as you! FH's parents said they would pay for the dinner and they backed out.

I sympathize with you sweetie. FH's parents are not paying for a single thing and my mother has vowed that if they don't host the RD then she is disinviting their side of the family to the wedding

Needless to say my expectations are very low when it comes to what they are planning (if they're planning at all) but if I had dietary concerns and health concerns I would make it a point to share them. Since I have been engaged I've had to 'suck it up' MANY times with my FILs but I would put my foot down about this

I am so sorry to hear about this! don't let them ruin your beautiful wedding....

I hope all works out

Thanks so much ladies. I will share something that I forgot to add....

JT's mother told him about the RD on Monday. Now, both JT and I were at her house for AT LEAST three hours together on Monday afternoon. We had asked her what she did that day and her response was, 'I don't want to talk about it.' Okay, fine, she's weird and I was not surprised that she wouldn't tell us about what she did that day. Well, I left early for my weight training class, and about an hour after that, as JT was leaving for work, his mother said, 'By the way, I went to book your rehearsal dinner today and I'm NOT paying for anyone to drink!' SOOOOOOOOO.....She WAITED until I LEFT and till JT was leaving to tell him. Because she KNOWS what she's doing is WRONG. I did some investigating yesterday because I wanted to see how much they are paying for this pukey dinner that I will not be eating, and it is so cheap it's ridiculous.
I spoke with my parents and broke the news to them that this is what's happening. They were appaulled, but at the same time, they said that they expected it because his parents have no class. JT and I decided to pay for a tab for MY family, and not for his side. I know it's a nasty thing to do, but I don't care. My mother has also VOWED to spread the word that JT's parents REFUSED to pay for alcohol, so this way everyone knows what b@stards they are. My mother has also vowed to keep JT's mother away from me as much as possible on my wedding day so she doesn't aggravate me. THANK G-D for my family!

i dont think your mom should 'spread the word' about his mother
thats just adding more fuel to the fire

please just remember whatever occurs now will affect you and your kids many many years from now

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Posted by prncssrachel

As it is, my kids will not have much to do with JT's parents. We've already decided this. His mother is emotionally and psychologically abusive and I'll be damned if I'll have ANYONE thinking it's MY family that is cheap. I could care less how it affects my relationship with these people. JT and I would prefer to be as far from them as possible.

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oh ok...just didnt know if you had thought it through but seems you and your fh have. good luck getting through this