I'm fuming.....FIL's mega vent--long

Long story, I'm fuming.

My BM who is my FSIL (FH's sister) has not asked about the wedding even once, let alone offer any help whatsoever. Her hubby is a GM, and both kids are a RB and FG.

She calls me 3 weeks ago. Says, 'I know we are still 6 months away, but wanted to ask you about the RD. Can I request that it be the week before the wedding, or at least a few days before? Bc I dont want my kids to be tired the day of the wedding b/c of the RD' So I tell her that we need to see when the church can do it, plus the week before our wedding is Thanksgiving. So she says that if anything, they will come to the RD but leave early. (Just to clarify--I dont want the RD the night before the wedding, but the fact that she wants this to revolve around her kids pisses me off)

A week later FMIL calls to ask ME when my shower is b/c she wants to book a trip to Ireland. So I give her my mom's number and tell her to ask my mom. PS--she already has my mom's number, and lives down the block from my MOH's job.

Fast forward today: My mom tells me that FSIL (my BM) will not be attending my shower b/c she is taking her kids to Disney and is coming back the day after my shower. She is staying at her old boss's time share (for free). As a side note, FSIL does not work, and her hubby has the whole summer off, so technically they could have gone another time. They go on like 5 vacations a year. As another side note, FMIL is going to Disney with them, but coming back the day before my shower. Oh yea, and the plane tickets are not booked yet anyway, but they dont plan on changing the date.

I call my MOH today so mad about this . She says yes, she knew about this but didnt wanna tell me. Last week, FSIL showed up at my MOH's job and told her about her Disney trip, and did not seem to care at all about missing my shower. Oh, and she complained to my MOH about the RD again


Why are FIL's so difficult????????

Vent over, thanks for reading. Back to my wine

id consider getting a diff ice sculpture just to spite them

---

Posted by grkbarbie

id consider getting a diff ice sculpture just to spite them

---

You are so awesome, and I needed a good laugh!!!!!!!

I am having very similar issues with mine. All i can suggest is kill them with kindness (or just ignore them) and subtly tell FH all the things that are going on.

I am sorry you're going through this... at least some of your in-laws are going to show... my FMIL couldn't even be bothered to show up for mine.

OK...I'll be the bad guy here....If they didn't know the shower date and they already made vacation plans I don't think they should be expected to change them now. Regarding the RD I think they are right to point out to you that it would be too much on the kids if it was the night before. I know when we are getting married we all want to believe that everyone will be so happy for us that they will do anything for you. Unfortunately that is not the case. And when it comes to choosing between making you happy or their kids I'm sorry but the kids will win every time. Personally I always put my kids ahead of everyone, including FH and he knows it! (BTW he does the same with his son) If I had vacation plans with them I wouldn't change them either...and I would definitely mention the timing of the RD because I wouldn't expect you to think of that on your own. Sorry this was so long and I'm sorry you are hurt by all of this. I was just trying to give you the other side of things.

You know what? Whether they're there or not, the room is going to be filled with people who love you. The day will be great and you probably won't even notice their absence. Try not to stress about it. It is what it is and thinking about it is only going to make you angrier.

As far as the RD, you and FH need to do what is best for you. If they have to leave early, so be it!

---

Posted by jennybee

You know what? Whether they're there or not, the room is going to be filled with people who love you. The day will be great and you probably won't even notice their absence. Try not to stress about it. It is what it is and thinking about it is only going to make you angrier.

As far as the RD, you and FH need to do what is best for you. If they have to leave early, so be it!

---

Thank you! This was very sweet and makes me feel a little better. You're right. My friends and family who want to be there will be there, and in the end, that's all that really matters.

It's just hurtful how someone who is not only my BM, but also my FSIL, can seem to not give a crap about anything. Literally, there are 3 days in the whole year I needed her there for me. My shower, my RD, and my wedding. And already I have been stressed out over 2 of them b/c of her. Maybe I'm just different, b/c my family and my friends do everything for each other. But at least I will have them there, and that's what counts

I'm sorry they're being so difficult.
I think you should bring this up with your FH, it is his family and maybe he could talk to them and tell them that they should all be there... and besides that, was/is your shower a surprise? because obv you'll know the date now that you know about their trip and FMIL coming home the day before.

I swear some people just have their heads up their own asses.

---

Posted by little j

i wonder...did she have a big wedding? maybe she jsut doesnt 'get it'...i know some people like that. or maybe she is a bit jealous??

---

It's funny you ask. She had a lot of ppl at her wedding, yes, but she got married like 10 yrs ago when weddings were way less detailed than they are now. She did not have an e-party and has passed a comment or 2 about mine being 'over-the-top'. And I believe her shower was a small gathering at her mom's (not saying there is anything wrong with that at all---so please dont get me wrong) but mine is going to be at a place, and I know my MOH and mom are putting a lot of effort to make it nice. Could be jealousy, who knows.

---

Posted by Lil OC

---

Posted by jennybee

You know what? Whether they're there or not, the room is going to be filled with people who love you. The day will be great and you probably won't even notice their absence. Try not to stress about it. It is what it is and thinking about it is only going to make you angrier.

As far as the RD, you and FH need to do what is best for you. If they have to leave early, so be it!

---

Thank you! This was very sweet and makes me feel a little better. You're right. My friends and family who want to be there will be there, and in the end, that's all that really matters.

It's just hurtful how someone who is not only my BM, but also my FSIL, can seem to not give a crap about anything. Literally, there are 3 days in the whole year I needed her there for me. My shower, my RD, and my wedding. And already I have been stressed out over 2 of them b/c of her. Maybe I'm just different, b/c my family and my friends do everything for each other. But at least I will have them there, and that's what counts

---

I'm the same way with my friends/fam. We'd do anything. But not everyone shares this philosophy. And we just have to accept these people for who they are. It doesn't necessarily make them 'bad', but they have different priorities, views and morals. Once you accept this and know 'what you're getting', it's a loooot easier to deal with!

I feel for you. I have the opposite problem. My FIL's are great and will attend everything but half of my family couldn't make my shower and my stepmother said she couldn't make the shower because she had a dentist appointment I'm so pissed at her.

---

Posted by FutureMrsK10110

I feel for you. I have the opposite problem. My FIL's are great and will attend everything but half of my family couldn't make my shower and my stepmother said she couldn't make the shower because she had a dentist appointment I'm so pissed at her.

---

Oooooh this makes me soooo mad!!!!!!!!

---

Posted by Lil OC

---

Posted by little j

i wonder...did she have a big wedding? maybe she jsut doesnt 'get it'...i know some people like that. or maybe she is a bit jealous??

---

It's funny you ask. She had a lot of ppl at her wedding, yes, but she got married like 10 yrs ago when weddings were way less detailed than they are now. She did not have an e-party and has passed a comment or 2 about mine being 'over-the-top'. And I believe her shower was a small gathering at her mom's (not saying there is anything wrong with that at all---so please dont get me wrong) but mine is going to be at a place, and I know my MOH and mom are putting a lot of effort to make it nice. Could be jealousy, who knows.

---

well speaking from experience, my mom didnt get teh wedding stuff. her wedding was simple. so lots of my tears before teh wedding was from her seeming lack-of-interest.

and its not that she doesnt love me and john...she just didnt get the importance of the pre-events

sounds like it might be the same situation. whatever.

she doesnt get it, so dont pay for her rude @ss to be there. let her enjoy disney and you enjoy your day all you want!! but...she should still send a gift! for sure!