I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

starhead Posted: Oct 31, 2003 10:40 AM

I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

I feel like a lot of my friends don't have time for me anymore (and I guess vice versa sometimes, too). Like my friendships with my girlfriends have changed as we've all gotten married or involved in serious relationships, there's not much time for each other and when we do see each other, there's a lot of planning ahead of time involved.
A lot of my friends have moved and I moved which also makes it difficult to see each other. I miss having girlfriends that I could call and just hang out with and chat, see a movie, etc. Does anyone else feel like this? Or is it just me that feels like a lonely loser?

kmcwed Posted: Oct 31, 2003 10:43 AM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

You're definitely not alone. I know I feel like this, and so do a lot of other newlyweds. Sometimes you feel it already during the planning process before you're even married!

Donna Posted: Oct 31, 2003 10:45 AM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

I've felt that with some friends but not all. The ones I don't see or make an effort to see (works both ways) are the ones that the relationship is on it's last leg anyway.

Please don't feel like a loser, cause you're not one.

jeng Posted: Oct 31, 2003 10:48 AM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

You're totally not a loser...because that would make me one too

Most of my friends live in other states at this point. I have one friend that lives 10 minutes away and I never see her. I think our everyday lives are different. Her and her Dh work the same hours (we don't), her family is local (mine is not), so I have a lot more 'available' time than she does. It's been almost a year since she's been to our house! I try not to get mad about it, but that doesn't always work.

xjulietx Posted: Oct 31, 2003 10:49 AM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

You are NOT a loser. I feel this way too. Two out of three of my close girl friends are married and have homes to take care of and jobs to go to. The one friend who isn't married and lives down the block from me (we were childhood friends) and we still don't get together that often because of schedules.

Samanthas Mom Posted: Oct 31, 2003 10:51 AM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

I feel b/c us and a lot of our friends are busy we do not see them as much - especially the ones who now have one or more babies

starhead Posted: Oct 31, 2003 11:00 AM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

Whew, I'm glad I'm not the only one. Maybe I'm just depressed b/c DH works a lot and very hectic hours and there are lots of times that I'm home where I think 'wouldn't it be great if I could call a girlfriend to hang out now?', you know, just hang out on the couch, watch TV or a movie,e at popcorn...like we used to be able to. Ahh, the carefree lives we used to have, I guess. Too much responsibility and obligations and not enough 'fun' time.
My best friend lives about 20 mins away but she has lots of friends and she's planning a wedding and I really don't get to see her as much as I would like. My other good friend lives in NJ and we have to makes plans like a month in advance to see each other.
Arrghh!! Maybe I'm just having a sad day.
Any LI get togethers coming up??? I would like to meet some new people, I haven't gone in the past because I'm way too shy, but maybe it's time I got out some more!

Latina511 Posted: Oct 31, 2003 11:05 AM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

I feel like this also.

Samanthas Mom Posted: Oct 31, 2003 11:12 AM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

Starhead- I sent you a Fm

starhead Posted: Oct 31, 2003 11:27 AM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

Tammy - fm'd you back!

nrvbrd Posted: Oct 31, 2003 11:34 AM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

This happens to the best of us.

You are not alone. It seems as though with my friends we are all moving in different directions.

Samanthas Mom Posted: Oct 31, 2003 12:24 PM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

FM back
sorry it took me so long!

MizStinker Posted: Oct 31, 2003 12:30 PM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

Dont feel bad - I feel like my friendships grow and change with me. My two best friends live very far away and have such hectic lives. We keep in touch via e-mail and phone and we know that we are there for each other. I have actually made some real solid relationships at work now, I am very close to one woman and try and catch movies and go shopping with a few more.

Can you hang out with anyone you work with ?

KathleenG Posted: Oct 31, 2003 12:30 PM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

Starhead, do not feel like a loser!! This has been happening to me and I know many others in the same situation!! It is very weird the changes you go through when you are dealing with a wedding, having babies, etc. I think it takes a bit of time for a lot of us to adjust to a new stage of life!! It just seems to happen this way!!

jenny11.9 Posted: Oct 31, 2003 12:40 PM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

I completely understand. Wait till you get pregnant. Then you really feel 'out of it'. I am having a hard time with this. After I got married, I kind of felt like I didnt' know how to divvy up my social time and sort of felt friendships slipping here and there. But I was able to hold on. Make the effort to get into NYC to have dinners, drinks, etc. Maybe just shop for a few hours, a cup of coffee - at least once a week with close friends to not lose the contact and connection.

Now that I am pregnant and am so tired all the time, I just can't make that effort,and well...feel kind of alone. I don't have any advice for you as I am right in the middle of this now as well. I just hope that one day I feel a little closer to those people again. I don't want my life to be without them.....

starhead Posted: Oct 31, 2003 01:06 PM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

I have friends at work, but they live in NYC or staten island or NJ. I sometimes will meet my city friends for drinks but I'm also trying to save money, too! And going out in NYC is very expensive.
jenny, I've found your situation to be true for a lot of my friends who are pregnant or have babies. That's actually one of the reasons I'm really scared to get pregnant and have kids, like I would be even farther removed from my friends.

Samanthas Mom Posted: Oct 31, 2003 01:19 PM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

I dont think you will be farther removed from your pregnant friends when you have kids but closer, I am more distant from one friend in particular now, I think b/c we dont have kids yet! we used to always see them now never - I think its b/c she is always doing things w/ couples w/ other babies so she feels we have nothing in common w/ her anymore

wacky Posted: Oct 31, 2003 01:32 PM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

Youre not a loser, it happens to the best of us as we go from single life to serious relationships and marriage. Or plain just getting older.

I was just thinking about this topic on my way to work. I noticed that lately Im the one that does all the calling lately to my friends. And I am surrendering.

Hugs to you..

xjulietx Posted: Oct 31, 2003 02:05 PM

Re: I'm going to sound like the biggest loser here but....

I think we need to have faith that this will get better. I look at my parents and think that they didn't have close friends to talk to when they first got married, but after they moved into my house, and had my brother, they made friends with people in the neighborhood, or brought him to see friends and their kids. Having kids brought my parents closer to their friends. My mom is 58 and she talks to her best friend of 27 years EVERY MORNING at about 7:30. She has a few other close friends and they talk almost everyday. It wasn't always like this, but now she has the best group of lady friends. Even better, my dad became very close with my mom's best friend's husband and so my parents have a best friend couple.

I think it just takes time to get used to married life (or serious relationship) and then things fall back into place. We'll all get to a good place soon.