I'm numb now...(LONG) (update page 2)

My fitting is next Tuesday though right now I don't know where to find my head.

My mom and one of my sisters flew away on vacation on Christmas Eve and are due to come home on Monday. Mom really needed some time away before the wedding and after the stress of losing Dad, she deserves it. So they flew comfort style with her miles FIRST CLASS. Good right? WRONG.

I get a call today from my other sister who is here in NY while I was actually at Mom's house taking in the mail and doing what not. It seems as if Mom took a fall today in a parking lot, as she lost her footing, hitting her head on a car, losing consciousness for a few seconds and cutting the inside of her mouth as well as a finger. She had a CAT scan and X-RAYs and so far they saw she is OK.

Mom is 74 and has not been steady on her feet since her own triple bypass heart surgery last February WHILE my father was also in the hospital. Both parents in the hospital at the same time had us kids running around like 4 crazy chickens with our heads cut off. We did everything for them as good children do - NO QUESTIONS ASKED. After mom was done with her stint at the hospital, she wasn't really quick to resume the physical therapy she so desperately needs because she was at the hospital every day tending to my father's needs. She has been walking with a cane for several years, but she really needs more assistance at times. I see her teeter and sometimes she thinks she can do more than she should. Before HER surgery last year, when Dad was in ICU and took a bad turn (one of many times) she raced in the room, slipped, fell and dislocated her shoulder.

So now I am thinking. On one side of my head I am upset that she's hurt and away from home. However she is in a major city at a good place and is being taken care of. On the other hand I am feeling angry and selfish. I watched my father die for 9 months and it is still taking its toll on me. We couldn't save him. I am watching my mother deteriorate slowly day after day because she has lost so much will. She can be helped but won't do what she needs to do. I try to remind her, from time to time, that there are so many more blessings left to witness and share in. She has weddings, Bat Mitzvahs and future grandchildren to look forward to. I know she has to live her life as independently as possible but not if it means not being to recognize her own deficiencies. We can talk and suggest all we want, but 74 year olds do not have grand epiphanies that they will adopt a new lifestyle.

It was suggested that she see her own doctor when she gets back - the first date being Tuesday. Since we NEVER EVER EVER EVER let Mom go to a doctor alone because she does not interpret medical jargon well, and if she does, she doesn't report it well to us, I am not really sure what is going to happen. The earliest appointment any one of us can make with her is 4 pm on Tuesday, just one hour before my first dress fitting. I told my sister to go with Mom and we will figure it out. As selfish as this may seem right now, I really do not have much time to play with. This fitting must get done. I even changed this appointment from the 28th so she didn't miss it when she was away. I want her there but it isn't looking like it will happen.

Thanks for letting me vent.

AMMENDMENT
Ed just bought me two packages of Oreos and a coupon for Subway for a free 6 inch sandwich to make me feel better!