Most of you know I miscarred in December. Well, during the week that I miscarried, one of my friends, actually, one of my bridesmaids, emailed me asking me to do her a favor (background info: ever since I passed the bar, she has sent me numerous emails asking me for legal related favors, like, sending threatening letters to her apartment complex, her son's school, and the latest, to her dentist). I was having a rough week, so I emailed her back saying, I don't have the mental capacity or time right now because I'm going through some personal stuff, and asked her to email me again in a few weeks if it hadn't resolved herself. She didn't ask what was wrong, and just wrote back 'ok'.
So, fast forward to yesterday. She emails me, and says happy new year. I'm sure she wanted to ask about the favor, but didn't want to blatantly ask, so she says happy new year. I wrote back and apologized for being so abrupt the last time she emailed, and explained to her the situation (that I had a miscarriage). And, this was her response:
'I understand. I'm sorry about what happened. Hope you feel better.'
And that's it. I'm fuming that this is the best she can give me. Am I overreacting here, or was this a really hurtful, lame response?
brideinapril
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
I would be hurt, only because I am a very sensitive person - however, some people really don't think - I don't know your friend so I don't know her reactions to other things - but some people never see outside of the box that they are living in.
FutureMrs
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
The way she worded it was completely inappropriate. The only thing I can thing of to justify it is that maybe it being such a personal, devastating loss to you that she did not know how to respond or what to say to make you feel better. Granted she could have done better than she did. I'm sorry for your loss and I truly hope you are doing your best to go on with your life to the best of your ability.
Emily7
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
Personally, I think that response is atrocious and I would be hurt and fuming. I expect a lot from my friends - especially to show a little compassion in a time of need. I would address it with her. That was ridiculous.
bxgell2
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
Posted by Emily7
Personally, I think that response is atrocious and I would be hurt and fuming. I expect a lot from my friends - especially to show a little compassion in a time of need. I would address it with her. That was ridiculous.
I don't even think it's worth addressing. I had problems with her as a bridesmaid, and I think this is the last straw. I thought I was totally over the miscarriage, but this kind of response sent me reeling, and brought back all the feelings... I'm so unbelievably hurt that she could be so insensitive and treat it so lightly like it was nothing.
ellengrisal
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
her response is SO not what you would expect from a close friend that all i can conclude is she had no idea what to say!! honestly i think eventually i would say something to her about her lack of emotional support.
2003fallwedding
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
Her words are not the best but maybe she just didn't know what to say. I am not saying what she did was correct but not even addressing it would have been worse. (just my opinion)
AnnBrunoXO
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
Its sad that your friend reacted in this way, honestly I would be hurt also. She should of been more comforting to you especially since she was one of your bridesmaid. And the fact that you opened up and were honest with her about what you were going through in your note to her deserved a more comforting response. Im sorry you are going through this- don't let it bother you - but i definitely would rethink doing any favors for her anymore.
Although i'd wait and see if she calls you....
aliciahelene
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
I would be hurt too..especially if she were a close friend. I do know from my sister having miscarriages that sometimes people dont know what to say....its hard..maybe can you talk to her about it.,.maybe she'll fess up and tell you that she really just dint know aht to say!?
btrflygrl
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
some people just don't know what to say, ya know? They don't know what to do and she might feel like her asking favors was stress on you
patti08
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
I'm confused. What should she have said?
JustJodi
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
Emily7
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
Posted by JustJodi
I'm sorry, I dont see anything so terrible in what she said. She said she understood, meaning she understands why you coulnt help her back when she needed help. SHe said she is sorry about what happened, andshe hopes u feel better... Its not terribly personal but I dont get how it should upset you to the point u are furious. I had 2 m/c 2 years ago and that would not of upset me. Somtimes ppl feel the less they say the better off, some are afraid of saying the wrong things. I know alot of times when I dont understand what someone is going through it can be a struggle for the right words to say. Its not because I dont care, its becuase I DO care and dont want to say anything that would make that person feel worse. I think you should let this one go. Sorry for your loss as well.
We're talking about one of her BEST friends here - not a casual acquaintance. That response woul dbe appropriate for a casual acquaintance. How about a 'let me know if I can do anything' or 'I'm here if you need me.' I 100% agree with Beth - that is a response you would expect from a stranger - not a close friend.
bxgell2
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
Posted by Emily7
We're talking about one of her BEST friends here - not a casual acquaintance. That response woul dbe appropriate for a casual acquaintance. How about a 'let me know if I can do anything' or 'I'm here if you need me.' I 100% agree with Beth - that is a response you would expect from a stranger - not a close friend.
Thanks Emily... that's exactly why I'm upset
casey31
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
I can see how her words really seemed too simple and inappropriate. It's possbile that your friend was really trying to convey understanding and sympathy but that she just didn't do a good job at it. Maybe she is one of those people that has good intentions but has trouble showing warmth and caring. It's up to you if you want to give her another chance- but it sounds like she has hurt you before too.....
jcndd
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
I'm so sorry you had such a cold hearted responce from someone you cared about enough to make a part of your wedding! Sometimes people don't know what to say, but the least she could've done would've been to picked up the phone and said I'm sorry or I understand. It might not've come out so abrubt and uncaring if she called. If you've already had problems with her she probably isn't worth the effort of being hurt over. Just think about all the people in your life who DO care and have been there for you when you needed them!
JustJodi
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
missmmpr
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
I don't see anything wrong either with that response...
annaae
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
First, I just wanted to say I'm very sorry about your miscarriage. It must of been heart breaking for you.
As for what happened with your friend, I would be hurt too. But, I wouldn't think the worst of her just yet. Maybe, she's the kind of person who just doesn't know what to say or do to make you feel better.
Maybe she'll be a better friend to you when you speak to her on the phone or in person. I'd wait and see. If she says nothing to you in regards to how you're doing than see it as an eye opener on exactly what kind of friend she really is to you.
I wish you well
MayDay16
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Re: I'm so hurt... am I overreacting? (long)
I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage.
I do believe she could have given you more comfort and maybe even called you. Sometimes people are just so wrapped up into themselves they are selfish.
I don't think you are over reacting, I would be just as upset if a close girlfriend did that to me.
