in laws

luvabul Posted: Aug 03, 2006 02:45 AM

in laws

ive seen many halls on long island, and in our culture/custom, the brides side [girls family] pays for the wedding. ive booked my wedding at Leonards of great neck for 350 ppl, later told my fiances family etc, they said ok. now theyre saying they dont like leonards and leonards isnt upscale and its just ordinary...and making all these rude remarks, my parents are clearly very upset over it, i just dont know what to do, they want us to cancel our deposit, obviously i cant do that at this point its been a week since i booked it, and im happy with my decision.... should i tell my fiance about their behavior? i really dont want to fight with him. mind you their daughter got married at floral terrace and did not go 'all out' , so its not like they had a wedding in a castle or something.... ugh

PATTYLAX Posted: Aug 03, 2006 02:50 AM

Re: in laws

are the fil paying for anything toward the hall, if not ,they have no say in the hall, if they are paying for other things, such as flowers,then they can have input on the items they are contributing. otherwise they just have to accept the place u picked

luvabul Posted: Aug 03, 2006 02:53 AM

Re: in laws

no theyre not paying,and my parents dont mind paying at all, but i just cant believe they would be so outright and rude!

PATTYLAX Posted: Aug 03, 2006 02:55 AM

Re: in laws

just grin and bear it-that is what u have to do sometimes w/ in-laws. if it gets 2 much 4 u. let fh know and he can handle them. it will be easier on u

CLMon7906 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 08:30 AM

Re: in laws

I would mention to him NOW that it's been said and it hurts your feelings...otherwise when something else really upsets you and you blow up and it finally comes out he either won't believe you or will say 'why didn't you tell me that when it happened?' trust me..tell him now...but don't make a big deal about it. just say 'your parents have hurt my feelings with their low opinion of leonard's and i really do not wish to hear it. could you ask them to stop, it is our wedding and we like the hall...' because later when they really upset you, and they will, you'll blurt this one out in anger/frustration and he'll react with disbelief or ask why you didn't tell him earlier. been there...done that....didn't speak up right away and it backfired.

snydl40 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 08:43 AM

Re: in laws

This is your decision. i would tell your FH and make it a point to tell FIL that you are firm on your decision. This is where you guys want to get married-don't let their comments get to you.

sr081906 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 08:46 AM

Re: in laws

I would discuss your FILs' hurtful attitude with your FH.

Your parents are paying. End of the story.

You FILs can always change the tradition and pay for it if they feel so strong about it.

I don't like when people say it's not UPSCALE enough or not their taste when they don't spend a dime on it.

luvabul Posted: Aug 03, 2006 09:48 AM

Re: in laws

i totally agree, my parents asked repeatedly for their input, but they failed to be involved, and now when everythings set in stone, their coming out with their opinion, which is just a little too late!

Keywi231 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 09:52 AM

Re: in laws

Yes them to death and let FH deal with them...

jenn122397 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 09:58 AM

Re: in laws

It's your wedding, not theirs. The only thing that matters in your planning is what makes you and your FH happy. It is hard that they have bad opinions about it but you kind of just have to deal with it.

Mandyin2007 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 10:43 AM

Re: in laws

your day, your way... remember that! If you are happy, than don't worry about what they say!

NY031978 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 10:49 AM

Re: in laws

tell them your family made a new custom now.....you cancel thats fine....but then they pay for 350 guests!! trust me they will shut up and be thrilled w/ Lenords! I dont get how they dont like it...all the pics ive ever seen it looks beautiful!!!

def tell your FI, this is your big day and he needs to stand up for you!

LuckySevens Posted: Aug 03, 2006 11:02 AM

Re: in laws

I would definitely tell my FI, if I were in your position. It is, as you said, just plain rude, and completely inconsiderate of them. I would be fuming if I were you and I think that is not something you would forget and always be a little bitter about towards them, so I think it would be best if you exprsssed your feelings with your FI. I think it is also incredibly insulting to your wonderful parents, who are paying for it. That is a tremendous gift and I think no matter where the wedding is being held, they should not look down upon it --especially since their hands appear to be stearing clear of their own pockets. Some people have such nerve, unbeleivable.

KD1279 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 11:11 AM

Re: in laws

Oh, I am sorry you have to deal with this! But MAKE SURE your FH deals with them after you tell him how you feel about it. It will all work out, BUT ITS YOUR DAY!!! and your FH.

PrincessRose Posted: Aug 03, 2006 01:29 PM

Re: in laws

They have no right to try and call the shots here. I agree with CLMon, you need to tell FH NOW before it festers.

I can't believe they've been saying all of this to you behind his back!!!!

MJDoc12 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 01:40 PM

Re: in laws

people who aren't paying, but feel the need to belittle your choice as 'not upscale enough' should have to shampoo my dog's azz.

let your FH know that you are not happy with his family, and the next time they make a comment, make sure you let them know 'I'm sorry, but WE are happy with this decision, and my parents are the ones footing the bill, they have final say...NOT YOU'

iamvocal72 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 01:57 PM

Re: in laws

Posted by MJDoc12

people who aren't paying, but feel the need to belittle your choice as 'not upscale enough' should have to shampoo my dog's azz.

let your FH know that you are not happy with his family, and the next time they make a comment, make sure you let them know 'I'm sorry, but WE are happy with this decision, and my parents are the ones footing the bill, they have final say...NOT YOU'

shampoo my dog's azz... OMG! Too funny...

I agree - talk to your FH - don't start hiding things now, not worth it - communication is key!

What is with people anyway? How freakin' rude!

luvabul Posted: Aug 03, 2006 09:11 PM

Re: in laws

thanks everyone! im pretty bitter about it , i couldnt even concentrate at work today! i was so annoyed im going to speak to him tonight. ..

sarahradio5 Posted: Aug 03, 2006 09:16 PM

Re: in laws

all i have to say is, 'What nerve!'

If they have a fancier place, then go ahead and pay for it!!! That is SO rude of them!!! They are basically GUESTS at the wedding and they're already complaining! Definitely tell your FH now or else you'll blow, but DON'T let it become a fight with your FH. Just let him know you were hurt by it and let him deal with them. If they wanted to have the wedding at a more impressive place, they should have put their money where their mouth is!

Bella Blu Posted: Aug 03, 2006 09:19 PM

Re: in laws

Posted by CLMon7906

I would mention to him NOW that it's been said and it hurts your feelings...otherwise when something else really upsets you and you blow up and it finally comes out he either won't believe you or will say 'why didn't you tell me that when it happened?' trust me..tell him now...but don't make a big deal about it. just say 'your parents have hurt my feelings with their low opinion of leonard's and i really do not wish to hear it. could you ask them to stop, it is our wedding and we like the hall...' because later when they really upset you, and they will, you'll blurt this one out in anger/frustration and he'll react with disbelief or ask why you didn't tell him earlier. been there...done that....didn't speak up right away and it backfired.

i agree