In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

DonnaPWhite1124 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 07:39 PM

In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

So on sunday we went out to dinner with my FH's family for father's day and his parents said they would help us with the wedding. They basically said we have 2 choices....they would pay for an engagement party OR just give us money. But as they were talking about it I noticed 3 things that I was a little nervous about:

1-They wanted it in a restaurant that they could pick..

2-They only wanted family members there-which his family is nearly 80 people and my family? well the rest of them live in a different country and my sister lives in florida-so that cancels that out

3-They never mentioned the bridal party or close friends. I grew up my whole life with some people who aren't my aunts and uncles by blood but I consider them my actual relatives....It put me in a spot, and they said well just think about it.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?! ANY THOUGHTS OR SUGGESTIONS? if I was going to have an e-party I was planning on doing it myself-please guys let me know what you think

Irishny8 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 08:54 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

Posted by DonnaPWhite1124

So on sunday we went out to dinner with my FH's family for father's day and his parents said they would help us with the wedding. They basically said we have 2 choices....they would pay for an engagement party OR just give us money. But as they were talking about it I noticed 3 things that I was a little nervous about:

1-They wanted it in a restaurant that they could pick..

2-They only wanted family members there-which his family is nearly 80 people and my family? well the rest of them live in a different country and my sister lives in florida-so that cancels that out

3-They never mentioned the bridal party or close friends. I grew up my whole life with some people who aren't my aunts and uncles by blood but I consider them my actual relatives....It put me in a spot, and they said well just think about it.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?! ANY THOUGHTS OR SUGGESTIONS? if I was going to have an e-party I was planning on doing it myself-please guys let me know what you think

did you mention that youwould want the bridal party and close friends to be invited?

Anthonysgirl Posted: Jun 19, 2007 09:50 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

I would speak with them and explain to them that you would want your friends and bridal party there as well. It's your day and noone should tell you who to invite. I mean if you don't want them to pay for it then you can always opt for you planning it and paying for it yourselves. We had an engagement party with just the immediate family and the bridal party. It was such a memorable night and im sure you are going to have the same thing. Good luck!

DonnaPWhite1124 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 09:59 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

Thanks....I just dont want it to end up being their call on everything. Plus you know how people get if they put up money for something, then they assume things should go the way they want it...but I hope it works out. last thing i need is problems between me and them!!

DINAAMATUCCIO Posted: Jun 19, 2007 10:00 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

Yeah I would speak to them before you definately cancel anything out .... they have to understand even if they are throwing an E-party for you guys it still for you and FH and you should have a say who you invite ...

HotAir Posted: Jun 19, 2007 10:23 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

I agree with everyone above. Make sure that you have some say in who you can invite otherwise you will regret the decision to let them pay (and plan) your party.

DonnaPWhite1124 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 10:25 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

Yep....I hope it works out-dont want them not liking me before im their actual Daughter in law!

tinadansr Posted: Jun 19, 2007 10:34 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

that's exactly the reason i said we need to pay for our wedding! It's our wedding.....................my personal feeling it would be nice for them to contribute but if they are going to put stipulations along with the contribution then it makes things complicated!

If its stuff you can live with go for it!

If not remember its your day!

mishmosh328 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 10:34 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

I agree, def. talk it over with them or if have FH speak to them because Im sure he would want his friends that are in the bridal party there too.

rsolano222 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 10:36 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

Posted by mishmosh514

I agree, def. talk it over with them or if have FH speak to them because Im sure he would want his friends that are in the bridal party there too.

I agree. I think approach FH and talk it about between the two of you and then both of you talk to his parents or have him talk to them

DonnaPWhite1124 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 10:37 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

yeah i think the better approach would be for him to talk to them right? because if i outright say it, they might think im not appreciative of it

FuTuRe MrS MaZz Posted: Jun 19, 2007 11:18 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

I would take the $$ and run

At least then you may be able to spend it however you want

IMO, I really dont get the point of an e-party... I'd rather the wedding be the big event where everyone comes together. I dont need gifts from anyone for just getting engaged

MrsDrinkh20 Posted: Jun 20, 2007 07:06 AM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

Good advie ladies..I would definitely speak to them about it. Explain to them in a nice way, that it is really important to you that your bridal party and family friends are there...explain to them that since your family is far waway, these people are like your family and you couldnt imagine celebrating this without them.

DonnaPWhite1124 Posted: Jun 20, 2007 09:22 AM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

I totally snuck on this im looking around right now in the office..ahhh...thanks for all the tips ill keep you guys posted!

FalNBill Posted: Jun 20, 2007 12:00 PM

Re: In-laws gave us a proposition....need ADVICE BADLY!!

You definitly need to speak to them about your wishes and concerns..... Do not let them talk you into anything you don't want! My outlook on it is if they cannot meet you half way and combind you wishes with what they originally had in mind then you should gracefully just decline they're help at all.. Many parents forget this is about US and not THEM.... It's wonderful when they want to help, but if there intensions arent in the right place...(that being your happiness) then it's better off not to take they're help at all...