Infidelity

akaMrsT Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:00 PM

Infidelity

I saw the late night Oprah and the first part of it was about wives (and ex wives) who
cheat(ed). One woman who is divorced said that her husband could just not get past it.

The second part of the show was about a 4 month investigation done by Oprah producers in 'the lifestyle' a.k.a. swingers. Some couples were filmed in shadow and a few couples and one single woman agreed to 'come out' on the show. Not sure who saw this but one of the female swingers on the show is a preist!?!?!?!?!?! They claim this is the 'new marriage' trend for like 3 million people that admit it.

One couple is considered 'soft swingers' since they don't do everything with the other people. Another couple does everything except kiss since it's too intimate - a la Julia Roberts prostitute character in Pretty Woman.

ETA - one couple (swingers for 4 years) has been married for 22 years.

So, two questions:

1. For the ladies - if you cheated, do you think your DH would forgive you? I ask because all the men I have asked about this say 'NO WAY' but all my female friends say it depends on the situation.

2. Do you consider swinging cheating? This includes 'soft swinging' and 'full swap' (per the show) is partner exchange (in the presence of your spouse I think) with everything from touching and kissing to intercourse with someone other than your spouse? I ask this because the couples said it's not cheating.

july06bride Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:02 PM

Re: Infidelity

In my opinion any cheating is unacceptable...FH would NOT forgive me and I know it would very hard to forgive and forget with him... touchy subject... but there is no excuse for cheating EVER IMO

Mrs. dleeny Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:04 PM

Re: Infidelity

1. no way. We've already had that discussion and agreed that cheating is a deal breaker.

2. being a swinger is not really cheating b/c you're spouse is aware and doing it too.

But IMO...it's sick!

Blu-ize Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:15 PM

Re: Infidelity

Cheating is a deal breaker. He would be less likely to get over it though than me.

Gailita Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:17 PM

Re: Infidelity

No way, we would definitely have PROBLEMS because i wouldn't stand for that. We both know how each other would feel about cheating. That is a big deal breaker. If we are having problems we should be able to discuss it, not taking drastic measures like that.

David'sbride Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:17 PM

Re: Infidelity

Anything that breaks the physical and emotional bonds of intimacy shared by a couple IMO is cheating.

Swinging to me is cheating. You are cheating the relationship. To share that precious intimacy, even if it is only physical, is degrading the sanctity of the relationship and so what do you have then?

I think if I cheated it would completely destroy FH. Although at the age of 34 I've never been tempted to cheat in any of my long term relationships. FH had very strong (probably correct) suspicions that his ex-wife cheated on him. At least she admitted to him that she cheated in her previous relationship.

I know it would destroy me too. I would hope that if we were having problems we would talk about it before we vent our frustrations in such destructive behavior Oh, and we have discussed this before we got engaged.

JMHO

AnniesSS Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:21 PM

Re: Infidelity

Posted by dleeny

1. no way. We've already had that discussion and agreed that cheating is a deal breaker.

2. being a swinger is not really cheating b/c you're spouse is aware and doing it too.

But IMO...it's sick!

Well put - I agree 100%...CHEATING IS CHEATING!

TEDNJENN Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:22 PM

Re: Infidelity

Posted by Blu-ize

Cheating is a deal breaker. He would be less likely to get over it though than me.

I agree.

katebloom99 Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:23 PM

Re: Infidelity

Posted by David'sbride

Anything that breaks the physical and emotional bonds of intimacy shared by a couple IMO is cheating.

Swinging to me is cheating. You are cheating the relationship. To share that precious intimacy, even if it is only physical, is degrading the sanctity of the relationship and so what do you have then?

I totally agree. I would never expect my FH to forgive me for cheating and I do not think I could ever forgive him. Of course its easy to say that when I am not in this kind of situaion, but I honestly do nothtink i could deal with it. Hopefully it will never be an issue!

dita531 Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:25 PM

Re: Infidelity

In my relationship cheating is unforgivable. People have all kinds of relationships and if swinging works for them- good for them but that wouldn't work for us.

littlebookworm4 Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:34 PM

Re: Infidelity

If I cheated on him I'd be gone in a heart beat and vice versa. I could not get past something like that. The swingers thing - if both did it and that's what they like then i guess for them it;s not cheating for them, but i do consider it to be cheating myself

cantwait2bewed Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:38 PM

Re: Infidelity

Cheating is unacceptable in my book. FH would not forgive me. He would write me off as an enemy so quick. If he cheated on me he would never see me again, and that would tear him to pieces.

jesslangen Posted: Apr 01, 2005 12:52 PM

Re: Infidelity

FH and I have had this conversation before and we both feel any form of cheating is unacceptable and that would be the end of us.

ssdbk Posted: Apr 01, 2005 01:16 PM

Re: Infidelity

Swinging isn't really chearing, However, I think that people start to do it when they are having relationship problems. In most cases it make matters worse and leads to real cheating.

ckgmwedding Posted: Apr 01, 2005 01:22 PM

Re: Infidelity

Posted by kdrainey

2. Do you consider swinging cheating? This includes 'soft swinging' and 'full swap' (per the show) is partner exchange (in the presence of your spouse I think) with everything from touching and kissing to intercourse with someone other than your spouse? I ask this because the couples said it's not cheating.

I think people will say just about anything to justify their behavior. That being said, if I cheated on my FH he would never speak to me again and vice versa. Trust to me is everything- doing anything intimate with other parties erodes that trust.

SomethingBlu Posted: Apr 01, 2005 01:24 PM

Re: Infidelity

Posted by dita531

In my relationship cheating is unforgivable. People have all kinds of relationships and if swinging works for them- good for them but that wouldn't work for us.

I agree on both points!

buggiegirl Posted: Apr 01, 2005 01:29 PM

Re: Infidelity

1) FH would NEVER NEVER NEVER forgive me- and vice versa- IMO once the trust is gone, what do you have left??

2) I have no opinion on swinging- I find it immoral and don't even want to know!! JMO!

bluesashbride Posted: Apr 01, 2005 02:53 PM

Re: Infidelity

FH would NO DOUBT leave me! No question in my mind about it.

A person's lifestyle is not for me to judge, but I couldn't 'swing' and feel married or even in a relationship.

jimmysgrl Posted: Apr 01, 2005 03:00 PM

Re: Infidelity

I would expect my husband to leave me, in all honesty. That means there is something serioualy wrong with me taht I would throw away everything for a cheat. If he didn't leave, I probably would.

As for swinging, thats a hard one. If two people are consentual in that they say thats what they want to do well then, I don't know if it is. Personally, HECK no. All you're asking for is trouble, JMO.