What would you do if you found your DH/FH/FW cheated? Let's say it was not an on-going thing and the two of you have been together for quite some time....
Forgive? Forget? Fight? Leave the relationship? Work it out?
MCDO15
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by oct.2004bride
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!
more lies
i've cheated (few years before i meet FW & not with FW) and it was actually a good thing. I taught me alot about people, life, love, respect and feeligns.
No one said you had to forget about it but if you forgive and understand.... i can understand.
if a relationship is honest..there would be no need to cheat. if i didn't make FW happy, i told to flat out leave and find a person that would make ya happy..just don't cheat
BMD'sPeanut
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by MCDO15
Posted by oct.2004bride
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!
more lies
i've cheated (few years before i meet FW & not with FW) and it was actually a good thing. I taught me alot about people, life, love, respect and feeligns.
No one said you had to forget about it but if you forgive and understand.... i can understand.
if a relationship is honest..there would be no need to cheat. if i didn't make FW happy, i told to flat out leave and find a person that would make ya happy..just don't cheat
interesting perspective...i agree...but wouldn't you try to make your wife happy...you are making a commitment to her...if she expresses that she is unhappy, you'd tell her to leave???
MrsTC
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
well...when i spoke my vows i pledged my love forever. therefore, i would want to work it out and get counseling but if it could not be worked out - i guess it would end. However, I would have to try first.
DrmnBlnd
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
I would definately say GOODBYE. I have been cheated on in the past, and there is no way I can get over that- it is always in the back of my mind. IMO- if a person cheats on someone, they really don't care about their significant other as much as they thought they did, and it's time to move on. BUT- that's JMO.
hbradio
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
I disagree about opposite sex friendships - I have a really close guy friend and we absolutely dont have any romantic feelings for each other. He is a good friend - its great to get the guys point of view on subjects. FH has met him several times and he loves him - they even talk on the phone.
BMD'sPeanut
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by DrmnBlnd
I would definately say GOODBYE. I have been cheated on in the past, and there is no way I can get over that- it is always in the back of my mind. IMO- if a person cheats on someone, they really don't care about their significant other as much as they thought they did, and it's time to move on. BUT- that's JMO.
but how do you define cheating in regards to not caring about your significant other?
BMD'sPeanut
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by hbradio
I disagree about opposite sex friendships - I have a really close guy friend and we absolutely dont have any romantic feelings for each other. He is a good friend - its great to get the guys point of view on subjects. FH has met him several times and he loves him - they even talk on the phone.
I think this is a rare occurence.
kel2004
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
This question came up in FOCCUS. Did you guys do that? The question was 'If my spouse cheated, the marriage would be over' or something like that. I agreed, and FH disagreed. When we talked to the counselor about it, I said that I don't think I would be able to get over it, I would always be thinking about it. FH said that if we had been married for 25 years, and someone cheats, it's hard to just throw it all away... The counselor said it takes 2 years to really get past it. I thought that was interesting...
BMD'sPeanut
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by kel2004
This question came up in FOCCUS. Did you guys do that? The question was 'If my spouse cheated, the marriage would be over' or something like that. I agreed, and FH disagreed. When we talked to the counselor about it, I said that I don't think I would be able to get over it, I would always be thinking about it. FH said that if we had been married for 25 years, and someone cheats, it's hard to just throw it all away... The counselor said it takes 2 years to really get past it. I thought that was interesting...
Kate-What is FOCCUS??
hbradio
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
Posted by hbradio
I disagree about opposite sex friendships - I have a really close guy friend and we absolutely dont have any romantic feelings for each other. He is a good friend - its great to get the guys point of view on subjects. FH has met him several times and he loves him - they even talk on the phone.
I think this is a rare occurence.
Well I consider myself lucky then. What about gay relationships? If I am gay and my girlfriend is talking to another girl does that mean they have something for each other then? Or is it okay because they are the same sex? Its the same thing between women & men - just because they are the opposite sex doesnt mean something romantic or sexual will happen. People are people - in my opinion, if they are a good person and nice enough to be friends with, then I dont care what sex they are.
bedda26
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
If it was a one time thing I MAY be able to forgive but never trust again and without trust you have nothing so I don't think I could get married without trust in a relationship.
september2004
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by hbradio
I disagree about opposite sex friendships - I have a really close guy friend and we absolutely dont have any romantic feelings for each other. He is a good friend - its great to get the guys point of view on subjects. FH has met him several times and he loves him - they even talk on the phone.
FH is actually annoyed with me that i don't speak to my best guy friend anymore (we had a falling out), the two of them would hang out without me!
kel2004
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
Kate-What is FOCCUS??
Our church recommended we take it before Pre-Cana. It's a test with statements like 'We have discussed finances'; 'We have discussed children' etc. You and FH take it and answer 'Agree' or 'Disagree' and then you compare your answers and discuss any differences with a counselor. It's a good way to make sure you both have the same values. There are questions about finances, religion, kids.
I would try to work it out if I knew in my heart it was just physical. If there were feelings involved then GOODBYE! But I would try to make it work if it was a mistake.
DrmnBlnd
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
Posted by DrmnBlnd
I would definately say GOODBYE. I have been cheated on in the past, and there is no way I can get over that- it is always in the back of my mind. IMO- if a person cheats on someone, they really don't care about their significant other as much as they thought they did, and it's time to move on. BUT- that's JMO.
but how do you define cheating in regards to not caring about your significant other?
Because, in MY situations, it always came back to the fact that that person didn't care about me the way they thought they did- because if it was so easy to disregard their feelings for me and cheat, then how can they possibly really care?
RedHead
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
If someone was too cheat, to me, this is breaking the bonds and sanctity of marriage why get married if you can fool around???
swags1016
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
If frankie ever cheated 2 words--
LORENA BOBBIT!
RedHead
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Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by swags1016
If frankie ever cheated 2 words--
LORENA BOBBIT!
BMD'sPeanut
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Member since
Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by kel2004
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
Kate-What is FOCCUS??
Our church recommended we take it before Pre-Cana. It's a test with statements like 'We have discussed finances'; 'We have discussed children' etc. You and FH take it and answer 'Agree' or 'Disagree' and then you compare your answers and discuss any differences with a counselor. It's a good way to make sure you both have the same values. There are questions about finances, religion, kids.
I would be interested in that.
MCDO15
Posted:
Member since
Re: Inspired by a post on BHB..on cheating
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
Posted by MCDO15
Posted by oct.2004bride
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!
more lies
i've cheated (few years before i meet FW & not with FW) and it was actually a good thing. I taught me alot about people, life, love, respect and feeligns.
No one said you had to forget about it but if you forgive and understand.... i can understand.
if a relationship is honest..there would be no need to cheat. if i didn't make FW happy, i told to flat out leave and find a person that would make ya happy..just don't cheat
interesting perspective...i agree...but wouldn't you try to make your wife happy...you are making a commitment to her...if she expresses that she is unhappy, you'd tell her to leave???
i guess i didn't say that right... of course i would try my best to make her happy. i do as much as i can whenever i can to please her... but if i'm constanlty not taking care of business and playing my role..she has every right to leave me and i should have no excuses.
