Invitation?!?! FIL's not Paying, HOW DO I WORD w/a little venting/long

Ok... Brides parents and Bride and Groom are paying for the wedding... How do we word the invitations? I know they have wordings for both parents inviting, bride & groom inviting, both parents along with bride and groom inviting...

It is wrong to put Brides parents along with bride and groom invite blah blah son of ___?!?!? I dont think it is right to insinuate to guests that FIL's paid and take some credit away from my parents who dont have the $$$ FIL's have yet my parents will and are doing way more than I ever expected!!! She was kinda rude for another syblings wedding and said stuff like 'well i am paying 1/3rd, her parents cant afford it all so i have to help out which isn't traditional for the grooms parents to do, I am really only supposed to do the rehersal dinner!', I didnt like her unnecessary comments at all! I know she will find other things to say about our wedding to boost her ego even if it means putting me down (she has before) but I will not stand for her putting down my parents!

Rightfully so she was included in the 'blah blah blah invites you' for the wedding she paid 1/3rd for, but she felt the need to voice things like above! She is not paying for ours so do I have to/should we include IL's in the part of the invitation that states who is inviting or is it ok to do 'blah blah invites you' ____ son of ____'???

i just feel like my parents are doing SOOO much and w/o giving us any 'I wants'... Yes i get ideas from them, but it stops there no pushing, whinning, or pouting! The only thing my mom has insisted on is wanting a wrist corsage, not a pined one or a mussy tussy... and i know that is the only thing my mom will insist on! (she is GREAT and so giving w/no strings attached!!!)

Sorry but even when the star of the movie doesn't like one of the producers, the producer still gets their name on the credits too...

Okay, that doesn't really make sense but I think that as long as they are paying, they get equal billing...

From one 'Newbie' to another, don't talk money on this site. Some of the ladies here get mighty judgmental!

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Posted by mccarm

Sorry but even when the star of the movie doesn't like one of the producers, the producer still gets their name on the credits too...

Okay, that doesn't really make sense but I think that as long as they are paying, they get equal billing...

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It makes sence but they are NOT paying...

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Posted by KL805

We were in the same situation. Our invites read:

Brides parent's names
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter
me
to
FH
Son of
Groom's parent's names

***I felt bad to leave them off but it doesn't appear as if they are the one's hosting when their name is below their sons.

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We did this, too. It's what I was going to suggest.

We are going to do the
'Together with our parents' line because my mom and his dad, and FH and I are paying.

OK we're going to be paying for the majority of the wedding my parents don't really have the funds to assit, FH's parents do have the funds, and will be helpng out (FH & I intend to split the cost 50/50) His parents will most likly pay his half.

I just want to leave the parents out of the invite and just say

Your presnce is requested in honor of________joing in marriage to ______

or somthing like that.

I don't want to hurt either set of parents, I'm sure if my parents could help more they would. That's a tough one

Why aren't his parents helping is it b/c funds are low, or other reasons?

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Posted by MayBride06

Does hosting imply paying?? I always thought that the parents are inviting you to the wedding no matter who foots the bill! If this were the case, then my mom's name would not be on the invite and FIL's would be hosting. But I would never have thought to leave her name off, or theirs, regardless of the fact that we are paying for 2/3 of it . In my opinion, I think both parent's names should be on the invite no matter what format you use. Just out of respect for both families. There will be plenty of times you get into fights with your il's, why start it this way??? JMHO

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That's a great point Thanks!

I think if you leave them out they are going to be mad. So there are no hard feelings you should just put them on the invitation.

In my situation FH and I are the only one paying so our names will be the only ones on the invite.

It makes me mad too my parents have no money his do 'but there job is only to pay for rehersal dinner'!

Hosting does imply paying.

Your FILs should be listed as being your FH's parents and not left off the invite entirely.

I like the idea of 'Mr. and Mrs. Bridefamily, parents of Bride and Groom, son of Mr. and Mrs. Groomfamily, request your presence.'

Since my parents mainly paid for the whole thing (DH and I contributed a bit) we had:
'Mr. and Mrs. Bridefamily request your presence at the wedding of their daughter, Bride, to Groom, son of Mr. and Mrs. Groomfamily.'

http://www.topweddingsites.com/wedding_invitations.html:

When the bride’s parents are hosting and the groom’s parents are included:


Mr. and Mrs. James Walker

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Cheryl Rae Walker

to

Mr. Timothy Earle Jones

son of Mr. and Mrs. Carroll Jones

etc.


And I would DEFINITELY do it this way... if my parents are Hosting, then i want them given full credit for it!!! No need to anger by generous parents.

My parents and us paid for the wedding, our invitations read:

Brides parent's names
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter
me
to
FH

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Posted by LuvMyFH

I think if you leave them out they are going to be mad. So there are no hard feelings you should just put them on the invitation.

In my situation FH and I are the only one paying so our names will be the only ones on the invite.

It makes me mad too my parents have no money his do 'but there job is only to pay for rehersal dinner'!

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These are my invitations. FILs are contributing ever so slightly but certainly not nearly enough to say they are 'sharing' the wedding costs. I would have listed both families at the top if the costs were split. I checked etiquette books (including Crane's Blue Book) and Jewish wedding invitations traditionally have both sets of parents' names on the invitation regardless of financial contributions. That is the ONLY reason why I put 'son of' on it. Because it is the joining of two families. And regardless of any in-law issues, I felt that people should know who FH came from. Even FMIL said 'Well we aren't paying' and couldnt understand why they were on it at all.

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Posted by KL805

We were in the same situation. Our invites read:

Brides parent's names
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter
me
to
FH
Son of
Groom's parent's names

***I felt bad to leave them off but it doesn't appear as if they are the one's hosting when their name is below their sons.

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That is exactly how we plan on wording ours too...they can get their names bumped up to the top if they offer to pay for some of it, but until then, it'll stay like this.

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Posted by Soon2BeMrs.S

OK we're going to be paying for the majority of the wedding my parents don't really have the funds to assit, FH's parents do have the funds, and will be helpng out (FH & I intend to split the cost 50/50) His parents will most likly pay his half.

I just want to leave the parents out of the invite and just say

Your presnce is requested in honor of________joing in marriage to ______

or somthing like that.

I don't want to hurt either set of parents, I'm sure if my parents could help more they would. That's a tough one

Why aren't his parents helping is it b/c funds are low, or other reasons?

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That is a great way to word it... as for y FIL not helping, honestly partly because of how it always comes with strings attached, headaches, control and bickering! FH and I want to enjoy this and he agreed w/o one single slight disagreement we will tell her we are fine. It will be thrown in our faces in the future (near or far) and we dont want that hanging over our heads, for a past wedding all i heard was b!tching or putting things down when it wasnt done HER way... also partly because of i know her and i know she feels it is the brides parents responsiblity (not that she wont help) but i really dont think she thinks she should have to help pay, so if she did it would be out of obligation to her son. And we'd have to ASK it wouldnt be straight up offered, I dont ask people for money!

I just grew up in an environment where gifts didnt come with strings attached, you give because you want to not to get what you want or to make someone feel like you owe them for what they did.

Belive me i know it doesnt sound right, but there is not enough room an any server to explain all the issues. Believe it or not not all FMIL are peachy and easy! You are lucky if she is... She just made it very clear a couple yrs ago with a different wedding it is not the responsibility of the grooms family to pay!

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Posted by MayBride06

Does hosting imply paying?? I always thought that the parents are inviting you to the wedding no matter who foots the bill! If this were the case, then my mom's name would not be on the invite and FIL's would be hosting. But I would never have thought to leave her name off, or theirs, regardless of the fact that we are paying for 2/3 of it . In my opinion, I think both parent's names should be on the invite no matter what format you use. Just out of respect for both families. There will be plenty of times you get into fights with your il's, why start it this way??? JMHO

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I THINK hosting does imply paying, most people i know assume the same, that is why when she helped pay for another wedding she threw a fit that she be listed as a hostess and not just as son of ___ . I wont be leaving any ones name off, I would never want to do that! Even if we paid for the whole thing ourselves I would want to recognize our parents!