invitation poll - too wordy??

so heres the deal - my mom (who is paying the lions share) decided that 'families of' insinuates that FH and I are paying - which we are not. basically, both FH and my parents are divorce and all four parents are contributing $$. also we are getting married at the place not at a temple (mostly jewish ceremony).
here is what i have so far:


Mr. my dad first last and Ms. my mom first last
along with
Mr. FH dad first last and Ms. FH mom first last
invite you to witness the union of their families as their children

me
&
FH

share love, friendship, laughter, and family
when they exchange vows of marriage
Sunday, the ninth of September
Two thousand and seven
at half past eleven in the morning
place name
place address
city, state

Formal reception immediately to follow

major TIAs here!!
ETA - changed the AND to along with - that was a great suggestion - i left the rest the same just to get more opinions on it. thanks all!

I like it!!!

sounds good

Mr. my dad first last and Ms. my mom first last

along with

Mr. FH dad first last and Ms. FH mom first last
invite you to witness the union of their families as their children

me
&
FH

share love, friendship, laughter, and family
when they exchange vows of marriage
Sunday, the ninth of September
Two thousand and seven
at half past eleven in the morning
place name
place address
city, state

Formal reception immediately to follow

the only part i changed was i added 'along with' instead of AND Mr. FH dad ...............

omg i love the along with
fh thought there were too many ands but i didnt want another ampersand cause then it looks like they are getting married lol

thanks so much!!

I think the parents names are a little too much, IMO

We did

Mr & Mrs Dad first name and last name

i your parents and FH parents are together then you should put Mr and Mrs. last name. It they are not together then Ms. first and last and Mr. first and last. MY invitation planner gave me that same advise. Also I do not like the 'formal recption follwed' On your RSVP card you can word it so people will know it is a formal reception. The other wording is unique and fun.

ETA: the word laughter for the ceremony doesn't sound very formal.

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Posted by erdbeere

Very nice... I don't think its too wordy, but for some reason the part about sharing 'family' doesn't sound right to me... but otherwise I think its great!

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I thought the same thing...I love the quote but would remove ' and family'

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Posted by soon2bmrsdunn

I think it's fine. Just change it so the mom's names are first. I was doing my wording yesterday and read that the mom's names should be listed 1st.

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i want my moms name to be first since she is paying much more then anyone else on the list.
but all of the samples i read list the dads name first?? anyone else have any insite on that?
both sets of our parents are divorced AND all are contributing, which i am SO thankful for, but is also what is making this so hard to write

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Posted by FlowerBride

Mr. my dad first last and Ms. my mom first last
and
Mr. FH dad first last and Ms. FH mom first last
invite you to witness the union of their children

me
&
FH

share love, friendship, and life
when they exchange vows of marriage
Sunday, the ninth of September
Two thousand and seven
at half past eleven in the morning
place name
place address
city, state

Formal reception immediately to follow

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I changed 'share love, friendship, laughter, and family' to 'share love, friendship, and life'.

Also, 'the union of their families as their children' seems a bit redundant to me. I would just say 'the union of their children'.

Great job tho, these are JMO!!!!!!

hmm about the formal reception thing - i was on the fence about that one for a while...i put it there cause its a sunday daytime wedding and many of the older guests are, well, old school and im worried that since its a sunday daytime they will come in pants suits or non-formal dress..any other way to say that without making it seem to stuffy?? i just want people to dress formally without being overly blunt - and its not black tie...

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Posted by FlowerBride

hmm about the formal reception thing - i was on the fence about that one for a while...i put it there cause its a sunday daytime wedding and many of the older guests are, well, old school and im worried that since its a sunday daytime they will come in pants suits or non-formal dress..any other way to say that without making it seem to stuffy?? i just want people to dress formally without being overly blunt - and its not black tie...

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At the bottom of my invitation I put 'Cocktails and Formal Reception to follow'. Didn't have a problem, everyone dressed appropriately!!