invite issue -- potential fallout

At every school I've taught at, the administration has been invited to any weddings, bar mitsvah's, memorials and christenings taking place. Pretty much the same is expected at my current building. The principal and I had a falling out years ago and then we kind of made up. However, she has continued to make enemies in my building and morale is very low. Many wonderful teachers have left because of her and one Christmas party was actually canceled because 75% of the staff said that they would not attend if she would be there ( I Know ).
We are not close and I am not inviting her to my wedding. Here is my problem: I know, I KNOW, that she will be offended. I know she will take it personally and it is in her personality to make things hard for me. She has already told that she will file a grievance against me if I take too many days off around the time of the wedding. I laughed it off and told her I might need that time to conceive-- but her message was loud and clear.
I am not a little girl -- I know how to stand up for myself but I have a feeling there will be fallout and I need to find a way to avoid making her an enemy.I am thinking of writing her an email telling her that unfornutely I will not be inviting her to my wedding but that it's not personal...

Please help me draft an email!!!!!
TIA

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Posted by 2007 Crescent Bride

Why can't you just talk about your wedding and say you are having a very small wedding (family only) and wish you could invite people from work but it's not possible

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i agree.....an email will be 2 impersonal & she will know you dont want to tell her to her face.

I would bring it up in a friendly conversation.

BUT dont take the extra days off know what I mean

I would talk about it in person email has a bad way of coming back to bite ya. People can stare at it and fester.

I like the idea of bringing it up in person and saying how you would love to invite people from school but unfortunately you can't swing it.

Also if you don't want her there and her negative energy don't feel you need to invite her. When we get to this age we can't be friends with everyone.

Best of luck and I hope it goes as smoothly as possible.

Why do you think you have to tell her that she is not invited, especially if you are not friendly with her??
IMO I would leave it alone and let it be. She cant fire you for not sending her an invite.

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Posted by Bride908

Why do you think you have to tell her that she is not invited, especially if you are not friendly with her??
IMO I would leave it alone and let it be. She cant fire you for not sending her an invite.

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Of course I don't HAVE to tell her anything but when you work with a potentially volatile person -- someone who could make life impossible for you, it's better to 'massage' the situation a little.

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Posted by 2007 Crescent Bride

Why can't you just talk about your wedding and say you are having a very small wedding (family only) and wish you could invite people from work but it's not possible

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I thought of that but I am inviting people from work -- people who I am close with, real friends.

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

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Posted by Bride908

Why do you think you have to tell her that she is not invited, especially if you are not friendly with her??
IMO I would leave it alone and let it be. She cant fire you for not sending her an invite.

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Of course I don't HAVE to tell her anything but when you work with a potentially volatile person -- someone who could make life impossible for you, it's better to 'massage' the situation a little.

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I hear you, my boss is the same way. I gave in and invited him anyway b/c he commented on it so many times

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Posted by Kimbalina

I would bring it up in a friendly conversation.

BUT dont take the extra days off know what I mean

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I know what you mean -- I'm taking off exactly one day, the day before. I won't see her until the end of August when we all return to set up our classrooms.

I hate this -- It's my wedding and I'll invite who I want but I also don't want to spend an entire year ( or more) in misery because she's pissed off about this. You just don't know how she can be. So i figured that when I send out my invites next week I'd send her an email just saying that I know that it's customary to invite the administration but unfortunately I can't.

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Posted by Bride908

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

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Posted by Bride908

Why do you think you have to tell her that she is not invited, especially if you are not friendly with her??
IMO I would leave it alone and let it be. She cant fire you for not sending her an invite.

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Of course I don't HAVE to tell her anything but when you work with a potentially volatile person -- someone who could make life impossible for you, it's better to 'massage' the situation a little.

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I hear you, my boss is the same way. I gave in and invited him anyway b/c he commented on it so many times

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I would just let it go and invite her if I thought she would genuinely be happy for me but this is the same woman who had the nerve to scrunch up her nose when I told her I was getting married at CLM. She also informed me that no one in New York can have a DECENT wedding for under$40K.

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

I would just let it go and invite her if I thought she would genuinely be happy for me but this is the same woman who had the nerve to scrunch up her nose when I told her I was getting married at CLM. She also informed me that no one in New York can have a DECENT wedding for under$40K.

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wow this woman is really a piece of work!! have any of the other teachers ever filed a complaint against her?

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

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Posted by Bride908

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

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Posted by Bride908

Why do you think you have to tell her that she is not invited, especially if you are not friendly with her??
IMO I would leave it alone and let it be. She cant fire you for not sending her an invite.

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Of course I don't HAVE to tell her anything but when you work with a potentially volatile person -- someone who could make life impossible for you, it's better to 'massage' the situation a little.

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I hear you, my boss is the same way. I gave in and invited him anyway b/c he commented on it so many times

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I would just let it go and invite her if I thought she would genuinely be happy for me but this is the same woman who had the nerve to scrunch up her nose when I told her I was getting married at CLM. She also informed me that no one in New York can have a DECENT wedding for under$40K.

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what a A S S H O L E

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Posted by kslmbuggie

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

I would just let it go and invite her if I thought she would genuinely be happy for me but this is the same woman who had the nerve to scrunch up her nose when I told her I was getting married at CLM. She also informed me that no one in New York can have a DECENT wedding for under$40K.

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wow this woman is really a piece of work!! have any of the other teachers ever filed a complaint against her?

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Numerous!

Honestly, all the city cares about is the test scores -- our consistant (and even dramatic) improvements mean she will never be fired. She has helped turned the school around but her success is the direct result of all of OUR hard work.

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Posted by ChristineAaron08

do u think she would actually attend? if not, then I would just invite her so she cant complain about it.

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I have no clue -- maybe. I just want to find a way to stay off her sh!t list so I can work in peace.

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Posted by Kerin2804

End your stress - send an invite - she may not even show. Seat her at a different table than your friends and they do not have to worry about her either.

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ITA ...

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Posted by Kerin2804

End your stress - send an invite - she may not even show. Seat her at a different table than your friends and they do not have to worry about her either.

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I keep coming back to this option but I know in my heart that I won't be able to bring myself to do it. I can't be fake like that and I hate that i feel like I'm being forced.