Invite Wording/Deceased Parent

Just a little background. FH's father died a few years ago and his family is, understandably, still upset by their loss. We're having a traditional invite where my parents are on the top, then my name and then his name. I want to include that line

FH's first and middle name...

'son of *****'

Who should we include?

Can we do

Son of Mrs. ***** **** and the late Mr. **** ***** ?

One one hand, I feel like it honors his father in some way because his name is on the invite. On the other hand, I feel like it only draws attention to the fact that he passed away and seems sad.

I have not asked FH or his Mom what they want to do yet. Of course, I will ask them before we make any final decisions, but I know how difficult this conversation will be and I want to be able to give FH some options.

I know that some of you have been through this before and I also know that you'll have the best advice! So thanks in advance.

My FH's father passed 20 years ago and I was contemplating the same thing... I came to this conclusion...

He will ALWAYS be his father's son wether he is here or not. Yes, there have been other people in FH's life since his father passed, but it doesnt change who his real father is. I will most likely include his fathers name with 'Late' in front of it for the invites... Of course I'll have to confirm it with FH and his mom, but im sure she will be OK with it

My FH and I are in the same boat. My mother passed away and I wanted to include her in some way. However, we did not put his parents or my dad on the invite. (We are paying and doing everything ourselves. We extended the invitation. But I did put at the bottom of the invitation...

This ceremony will be offered in loving memory of (moms name).

Hmmm..that's definitely a tough one. I wonder if there's anything in the wedding etiquette books on the subject.
My father passed away 20 years ago, but my mother remarried and I consider my stepfather just as much my real father, so I plan to put his name with my mothers on the invite. For my e-party, we did a donation favor to the American Heart Association in my father's name and framed a picture of him and I for display. I felt it was a nice way to include both my fathers in the night.

I wish I could be of more help to your situation. I would definitely talk to your FH to see what he wants and it wouldn't hurt to flip through a few etiquette books at Barnes and Noble.

We sent out our invitations with the phrase 'with heavenly blessings from deceased parent' at the bottom..

Many have commented on how nice they thought it was to see his name on there in that manner.

my dad passed almost 5 years ago, i really did not want to put 'the late' I dont think he owld have wanted that- so we went 'Together with their parents'

We will however, light a candle for him, and recognize him on the program!

HTH

I'm curious about this too. FH's dad passed away 2 1/2 years ago (right before we started dating, so I never got to meet him )
I haven't really brought it up to FH, but I guess I'll let him decide how he wants to word it.
I'm glad to see all of your suggestions so I can show him when it comes up!

I'd say 'FH, son of mary and john smith'

leave out the late... that way, you're honoring him w/o drawing attention to his passing. Besides, he's not really gone since in spirit, he is very much alive.....

Just write 'together with their families, Brides Name and Grooms Name request the honour of your presence......'

I lost my mom 2 years ago and learned how to handle this. It is totally INAPPROPRIATE to put anyone deceased on the invitation. You can mention them in your program, light a candle, have your officiant say a blessing, and/or make a donation in their name.

An invitation indicates who is hosting the event. An event cannot be hosted by someone who is deseased. I struggled with this too.....explain to FH that his dad will definitely be there in his own special way....he doesn't need to be on an invitation to be remembered.

My father passed away almost 8 years ago and I struggled with this topic. My mother did not want it to say 'the late' on the invivation because she thought it was morbid. So we wrote just her name.

However, on the programs (on the back) I am having a poem/picture/dedication page to my dad. I felt like the church would be an appropriate location to honor my dad.

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Posted by naps714

My father passed away almost 8 years ago and I struggled with this topic. My mother did not want it to say 'the late' on the invivation because she thought it was morbid. So we wrote just her name.

However, on the programs (on the back) I am having a poem/picture/dedication page to my dad. I felt like the church would be an appropriate location to honor my dad.

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This was the poem on our program for my dad:

if roses grow in heaven
lord please pick a bunch for me
place them in my father's arms
and tell him they're from me
tell him i love him and miss him
and when he turns and smile
place a kiss upon his cheek
and hold him for a while
because remembering him is easy
i do it everyday
but there's an ache within my heart
because i'm missing him today
when everything is said and done
i will cherish this day with a smile
because i know my daddy is here with me
as i am walking down the aisle

I just love this poem.

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Posted by siobhanB

We sent out our invitations with the phrase 'with heavenly blessings from deceased parent' at the bottom..

Many have commented on how nice they thought it was to see his name on there in that manner.

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I like that!!!!!

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Posted by portjeffbride

I'd say 'FH, son of mary and john smith'

leave out the late... that way, you're honoring him w/o drawing attention to his passing. Besides, he's not really gone since in spirit, he is very much alive.....

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My father passed away 9 years ago and I want to include his name on the invite as Helen _____ daughter of (insert my parents names) and also put FH son of (insert parents names).

FH's cousin lost both of her parents- she just got married in November, and she still mentioned both parents using the same format I plan on using.

I do not think that its inappropriate to list a parents name b/c they are deceased and therefore not paying for the wedding. Any one who is close to us knows we are paying for the wedding ourselves anyway, but for me the invite is not just a way to show who paid for the wedding, but also a way to honor our parents. I kind of wouldn't feel right not including my dads name....he's the reason I am who I've become.

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Posted by missgwife

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Posted by naps714

My father passed away almost 8 years ago and I struggled with this topic. My mother did not want it to say 'the late' on the invivation because she thought it was morbid. So we wrote just her name.

However, on the programs (on the back) I am having a poem/picture/dedication page to my dad. I felt like the church would be an appropriate location to honor my dad.

---

This was the poem on our program for my dad:

if roses grow in heaven
lord please pick a bunch for me
place them in my father's arms
and tell him they're from me
tell him i love him and miss him
and when he turns and smile
place a kiss upon his cheek
and hold him for a while
because remembering him is easy
i do it everyday
but there's an ache within my heart
because i'm missing him today
when everything is said and done
i will cherish this day with a smile
because i know my daddy is here with me
as i am walking down the aisle

I just love this poem.

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wow this really made me tear up!!! If I put that in my program I just have to make sure I don't read it on the wedding day...it will make me cry like a baby!! it's very beautiful and I think it will mean a lot to my dad's side of the family to include something in the program for him. thank you so much for sharing this!!