Inviting EVERYONE that will be at the wedding to the shower?

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Posted by failurebydsign

i know when my sister and i talked about it..

every woman invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower..

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This is not true.

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Posted by missliss

I just had this battle with my mother as my shower invites are going out shortly (even though i'm not supposed to know). Apparently this is how they did back in the day. Every woman at the wedding was invited to the shower. Not so today. I mean if you have the means and you can and you want to, go ahead, but it's not necessary. Nowadays, every woman doesn't expect to be invited to your shower, only those close to you expect to be there.

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That may have been true but think about where people had their showers - in people's homes and it was a small amount.

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Posted by hwolf812

NO WAY!!! I am only inviting family and close friends

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that was my exact reaction

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Posted by Nc82

Oh, I'm glad to hear the responses


I dont know if everyone saw my post from the other night, but my mother called my FMIL to ask her to get a list of names and addresses for my shower and she told my mother that she has ATLEAST 50 ppl and my mother was like

My mother is like 'does she realize you dont invite everyone to the shower?'

I just hope my FMIL will understand, once my mother receives the lists and asks her to 'cut it' b/c we want to keep it smaller.

I mean, we're having like 200 ppl at the wedding - so that means she is like planning on asking EVERYONE to the shower - ughhhhhhh so annoying!

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well who are these 50 people? FH's family is HUGE so there will be a decent amount at the shower bc of that...is it mostly family or is it friends of hers?

HERE is a quote i copied from a bridal shower etiquette site:

Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride’s closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn’t include every woman invited to the wedding.

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Posted by Espo22

HERE is a quote i copied from a bridal shower etiquette site:

Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride’s closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn’t include every woman invited to the wedding.

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Where'd ya find that?!


(As for my FMIL - she's the type where she feels like she has to include every family member under the sun - even if didnt talk in 10yrs...ya know what I'm saying - so, 50 ppl would be every close family member + distant cousins, relatives, etc....she also told my mother some 'friends' too...but, hmm, I didnt realize she had ne -not to be mean, or ne thing)

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Posted by Nc82

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Posted by Espo22

HERE is a quote i copied from a bridal shower etiquette site:

Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride’s closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn’t include every woman invited to the wedding.

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Where'd ya find that?!


(As for my FMIL - she's the type where she feels like she has to include every family member under the sun - even if didnt talk in 10yrs...ya know what I'm saying - so, 50 ppl would be every close family member + distant cousins, relatives, etc....she also told my mother some 'friends' too...but, hmm, I didnt realize she had ne -not to be mean, or ne thing)

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i found it on a site, theres many with this info just go to search and type in 'bridal shower etiquette'

oh ok thats different...see just fh's first cousins that he sees all the time and his aunts are close to 50 lol

heres the link for the site

i think it depends on how big your wedding guest list and how close you are to the women

I know I have never met some ppl on FHs side that are invited to our wedding, but wont be invited to the shower

Thanks

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Posted by Nc82

Thanks

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wait LOL i posted the wrong link

http://www.favorideas.com/learn-about/etiquette/bridal-shower-etiquette/

For me it's kind of complicated...
everyone on my side that is invited to the wedding is invited to the shower... well... i don't know if they are or not, but i put them all on the list and my mom agreed.
I know all of them, and most are family...the rest are my friends, and my mother's close friends who'd all be offended if they weren't invited, plus i love them and want them there....

FMIL's side... well that's different. I don't know most of them... and most of FH's cousins who i do know and do like live in NJ ... i was invited to one of their baby showers recently but they had it here... so i'm not sure on the etiquete but i can't invite the NY cousins and not invite his NJ cousins... you know?
Plus...i've never met any of FMIL's friends... but that doesn't mean they arent important to her or Will and that they wouldn't want to be there.

My mom said she'd prob send invites to out of state relatives or friends of ours too so that they didn't feel left out... i don't think they'd think it was a gift grab b/c they are close friends and family.

the list as of today was 79 people. i know not all 79 will come... you know? i guess it's up to my mom and my maid and matron of honor to figure out who gets the invites...

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Posted by bemyyoko

For me it's kind of complicated...
everyone on my side that is invited to the wedding is invited to the shower... well... i don't know if they are or not, but i put them all on the list and my mom agreed.
I know all of them, and most are family...the rest are my friends, and my mother's close friends who'd all be offended if they weren't invited, plus i love them and want them there....

FMIL's side... well that's different. I don't know most of them... and most of FH's cousins who i do know and do like live in NJ ... i was invited to one of their baby showers recently but they had it here... so i'm not sure on the etiquete but i can't invite the NY cousins and not invite his NJ cousins... you know?
Plus...i've never met any of FMIL's friends... but that doesn't mean they arent important to her or Will and that they wouldn't want to be there.

My mom said she'd prob send invites to out of state relatives or friends of ours too so that they didn't feel left out... i don't think they'd think it was a gift grab b/c they are close friends and family.

the list as of today was 79 people. i know not all 79 will come... you know? i guess it's up to my mom and my maid and matron of honor to figure out who gets the invites...

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79!!?!?! I think I'd freak out if there were more than 30 ppl at my shower! I didnt even register for enough items for 79 ppl to purchase for me!

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Posted by Mimacat

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Posted by bemyyoko

For me it's kind of complicated...
everyone on my side that is invited to the wedding is invited to the shower... well... i don't know if they are or not, but i put them all on the list and my mom agreed.
I know all of them, and most are family...the rest are my friends, and my mother's close friends who'd all be offended if they weren't invited, plus i love them and want them there....

FMIL's side... well that's different. I don't know most of them... and most of FH's cousins who i do know and do like live in NJ ... i was invited to one of their baby showers recently but they had it here... so i'm not sure on the etiquete but i can't invite the NY cousins and not invite his NJ cousins... you know?
Plus...i've never met any of FMIL's friends... but that doesn't mean they arent important to her or Will and that they wouldn't want to be there.

My mom said she'd prob send invites to out of state relatives or friends of ours too so that they didn't feel left out... i don't think they'd think it was a gift grab b/c they are close friends and family.

the list as of today was 79 people. i know not all 79 will come... you know? i guess it's up to my mom and my maid and matron of honor to figure out who gets the invites...

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79!!?!?! I think I'd freak out if there were more than 30 ppl at my shower! I didnt even register for enough items for 79 ppl to purchase for me!

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i don't think more than 30 will come.
but I don't feel comfortable cutting anyone out...
i have a large Irish family and FH has a large Italian family... people get offended easily in both of our families so i made the list in my wedding program based on female guests but i did not include FH's boss, or his HS teacher's wife...
I am hoping that my mom or MOH go over it with FMIL for his side, and my mom can go over it for mine and they can get rid of whoever they want... i won't know the difference.

but if i only gave a list of 30 people... i know my mom and/or FMIL would be upset.

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Posted by Espo22

HERE is a quote i copied from a bridal shower etiquette site:

Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride’s closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn’t include every woman invited to the wedding.

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That's all that I've ever read in etiquette books and in bridal magazines.