Hi girls, I need some advice. My brother and SIL had a baby back in October. This child goes everywhere with them, i mean everywhere. They plan on bringing her to our wedding in May. FH and I have mentioned several times we don't want very young kids/babies at our wedding. Not to mention they're both in the wedding party so i can't see how they're going to take care of the baby and be in the wedding at the same time. How can I nicely tell them that they can't bring the baby to the wedding without insulting them. I can't put 'adult reception' on the invite b/c my cousins are coming and they're 11. The LAST thing I want to hear on my wedding day is a crying child, i'm sorry if that sounds selfish. What should I do?
pa56
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
You can pretend that they already know that the baby isn't invited by asking them what their babysitting plans are for your wedding day. Or perhaps have your mom tell your brother.
Does your sis-in-law's family live close by? Hopefully they can babysit that day. The baby will be 7 months old by then so definitely not too young to be left for just one night without its mom.
tee1781
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
I would get my parents on my side and have them be the bad guys and say not to bring the baby. The music will be too loud and scary for such a young baby. If that doesn't work and they really want the baby there, I'd explain to them how important it'll be to you that they have fun w/o the baby, and possibly suggest that they pay for a friend's plate at the wedding to come and take care of the baby at the wedding. This way they can still be around the baby but can hand the baby off to the friend for most of the night. I think that's what my sister is going to do, but her son is 2 year old.
twoifbysea
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
I just made sure that my mother, MOH, FMIL, and FSIL aware that there are no kids invited. I am leaving it up to them to communicate it to the guests way in advance, that way I don't come off as 'bridezilla-y'.
We have rooms blocked out (our RH has its own hotel) so we might hire a babysitter in a room in the event that guests bring their (uninvited) children. I do NOT want 5 year olds running around our dance floor.
elysemichelle
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
Posted by pa56
You can pretend that they already know that the baby isn't invited by asking them what their babysitting plans are for your wedding day. Or perhaps have your mom tell your brother.
Does your sis-in-law's family live close by? Hopefully they can babysit that day. The baby will be 7 months old by then so definitely not too young to be left for just one night without its mom.
i love the idea of askking about the baby sittter.........
if u r really concerned and they dont have any babysitter lined up, i would call a babysitter and then say to them: listen i just wanted to let you know i have a babysitter for you guys for that night! so dont look anymore! shs very reliable and itll give u a chance to relax together and then go home to the baby later!!!
by doing this, u dont really give them any options! you alredy scheduled a babysitter for them!!!!!!!!!!
gina409
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
i know im the odd one out..my sisters n brothers have kids..both babies n older and i could not imagne them not being there..but if u feel that way ur best bet is to just tell her up front..give her time to find someone to sit for her..and if she is upset dont worry she will get over it n prob enjoy a night out..hth
Jamnike
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
its your wedding. your choice. we had the same issue and in the end we had some gst not come but if it means more you them to bring their kids with them then to help us celebrate, then they dont deserve to be there.
littlepixie12
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
Posted by pa56
You can pretend that they already know that the baby isn't invited by asking them what their babysitting plans are for your wedding day. Or perhaps have your mom tell your brother.
Does your sis-in-law's family live close by? Hopefully they can babysit that day. The baby will be 7 months old by then so definitely not too young to be left for just one night without its mom.
OMG, sneaky! I love it.. that might work.. just ask them who they plan to leave the baby with? His parents? and see what they say
pooh57362
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
Posted by littlepixie12
Posted by pa56
You can pretend that they already know that the baby isn't invited by asking them what their babysitting plans are for your wedding day. Or perhaps have your mom tell your brother.
Does your sis-in-law's family live close by? Hopefully they can babysit that day. The baby will be 7 months old by then so definitely not too young to be left for just one night without its mom.
OMG, sneaky! I love it.. that might work.. just ask them who they plan to leave the baby with? His parents? and see what they say
I tried this already. I asked her who she plans on leaving the baby with and she said if any of her family is at the wedding (they are invited) then she'll leave the baby with them while she is doing BP stuff and if they don't come she'll leave the baby with another family member. I think I'm just going to have to come out and say it and hope that they don't get upset. We've had too many 'new babies' recently in both our families/friends, i can't let them bring the baby and all our other family/friends and I certainly dont want a bunch of crying babies all over the place.
JamDancer
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
We are not having young children. The youngest will be my cousin, 14, and FH's little brother, 15. In our opinion it is not a place for kids, with alcohol, loud music and late hours. FH's nephews will be 7 and 4 and they are our ringbearers and even they are not coming to the reception (FSIL is fine with this, actually prefers this)
Are your parents on your side? I'd have your mom do the dirty work lol. Either that or find a babysitter and just tell them all sneaky -like 'I've found a babysitter for you guys.'
dutchessev
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
Posted by pa56
You can pretend that they already know that the baby isn't invited by asking them what their babysitting plans are for your wedding day. Or perhaps have your mom tell your brother.
Does your sis-in-law's family live close by? Hopefully they can babysit that day. The baby will be 7 months old by then so definitely not too young to be left for just one night without its mom.
I agree
pa56
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
Posted by pooh57362 I tried this already. I asked her who she plans on leaving the baby with and she said if any of her family is at the wedding (they are invited) then she'll leave the baby with them while she is doing BP stuff and if they don't come she'll leave the baby with another family member. I think I'm just going to have to come out and say it and hope that they don't get upset. We've had too many 'new babies' recently in both our families/friends, i can't let them bring the baby and all our other family/friends and I certainly dont want a bunch of crying babies all over the place.
I understand you don't want crying babies at your wedding, but do you think that other people will get mad if their baby can't come and your brother's baby can? Is that the only reason why you don't want this child there - basically you don't want any exceptions to the no-baby rule?
I think bending the rule for your brother is ok. There's no way a friend or cousin or some random guest would get angry that you made an exception for your own brother.
If you do come out and say their baby can't come, you just need to be prepared for the consequences of them being very insulted. Is it worth it? If it is to you, then stand your ground! It wasn't worth it to me so I tried to say stuff to my family members but in the end decided they can bring their kids... I see my relatives on a monthly basis and it just wasn't worth it.
Deeglasser
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
that's a tough one... your brother may get very upset... i know i would if my brother wouldn't allow his future niece/nephew to his wedding... actually, i'd be FUMING... this leads me to my next thought- how would you feel if he tells you that you can't bring your kids to his wedding?
pooh57362
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
FH is an only child but he has cousins that he is very close with that he considers siblings more than immediate family. One of his cousins just had a baby right before my brother did. I know for a fact that she would love to bring her baby and I'm going to tell her no but say yes to my brother? My brother had a 'no kid' policy at his wedding in fact my little cousins who were 6 weren't allowed to come so i can't see why he would be upset. I'm on the fence, i'm not sure what i'm going to do. I wouldn't be offended if he told me i couldn't bring my kids b/c i've been to weddings w/ kids before and always thought it wasn't a place for them.
dazey
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
we are telling everyone : NO children under 5, maybe you can tell them that the reception hall recommends it, or that you want them to be able to enjoy the wedding.. plus you don't want any crying during the ceremony!
coldasice217
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
Posted by dazey
we are telling everyone : NO children under 5, maybe you can tell them that the reception hall recommends it, or that you want them to be able to enjoy the wedding.. plus you don't want any crying during the ceremony!
I agree...my banquet manager actually told me this when we were booking, that they recommend no children because they've seen it get out of hand. I completely agreed with her, but alas, it is not to be...but totally try to shift the blame to the RH if you can.
Sweeteey51
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
idk what ever happen to just being open and honest????
Say you dont want any babies at the wedding they should understand i mean its not like these are strangers its your brother and you should be able to tell him. Just say it in a tactful manner.
dedecakes
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
Posted by Deeglasser
that's a tough one... your brother may get very upset... i know i would if my brother wouldn't allow his future niece/nephew to his wedding... actually, i'd be FUMING... this leads me to my next thought- how would you feel if he tells you that you can't bring your kids to his wedding?
A wedding is no place for BABIES. Therefore, if I had a baby and my brother was getting married a few months later, I would DEFINITLEY NOT want my baby there. Is the baby going to remember that day? Heck no! So it's pointless. If anyone in their right might really wants to bring their baby to a wedding, it's for their own selfish reasons. (and I don't think I need explain what those selfish reasons are!) JMO!
HappyBride22
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
Maybe let the baby come to the ceremony, as long as it is clear that if there is one peep the kid goes outside (someone not in the wedding should be in charge of this), and maybe let the baby stay for the cocktail hour and arange for someone to pick her up. This is what a lot of people from my family have done in the past for small children and babies, they still have their family time but the baby can be home for bedtime.
gina409
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Re: Inviting little ones to the wedding - need help
Posted by dedecakes
Posted by Deeglasser
that's a tough one... your brother may get very upset... i know i would if my brother wouldn't allow his future niece/nephew to his wedding... actually, i'd be FUMING... this leads me to my next thought- how would you feel if he tells you that you can't bring your kids to his wedding?
A wedding is no place for BABIES. Therefore, if I had a baby and my brother was getting married a few months later, I would DEFINITLEY NOT want my baby there. Is the baby going to remember that day? Heck no! So it's pointless. If anyone in their right might really wants to bring their baby to a wedding, it's for their own selfish reasons. (and I don't think I need explain what those selfish reasons are!) JMO!
